Career, Babies and Marriage

The internet is somewhat blowing up over this recent article by the controversial Penelope Trunk.

She tells the world to get pregnant at 25 if you want a high-powererd career.

Well, I happen to be 25, pregnant and desiring of a high-powered career. I just had my 25th birthday, and I am in my mid-twenties now. I'm very pregnant, and I see myself as the director of some department on a university or college campus in my forties.

Clearly, I had to read this article.

Here are some highlights:
I loved that women are coming forward to say that it is literally impossible to have a high-powered career while you have young kids, if you want to be involved in your kids’ lives. The best thing older women can do for younger women right now is to tell the truth. It’s hard to tell the truth because if you are trying to do the high-powered job and the kids, you will kill your career by admitting that it’s impossible.

But here’s the truth for women: You should not plan your life so that you work until you’re 30 and then have kids, and also have a huge career. Because you will be taking care of kids during the very time when all the men you worked with are working harder and longer hours than ever before. Men who have kids are in a great position to climb the ladder. They have wives at home. Women cannot go full speed ahead until the kids are grown up. Slaughter has great evidence for this. But you should be able just to look around and see that this truth. My favorite example: All the male Supreme Court Justices have families. Two of the three women do not. And the one who does, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, did not start her career until her kids were grown.

Slaughter lays out a great plan. It’s tucked into the article, among a lot of other calls to action. But she says, if you want to have a huge career, have kids when you are 25 so your kids will be grown when you are 45, because there will still be time to have a huge career.

This also means women will need to start dating men who are older than they are. This also seems like a good idea. Men, of course, love younger women. But more than that, women who are in their twenties are in their prime in terms of self-confidence. They are physically very desirable, and they are doing better at work than men. Men, on the other hand, are at their nadir of self-confidence in their twenties. They are not making money, which is something that is very valuable on the dating scene. And they are not doing as well as women at work. Men look way better in their 30s when the women have left the workplace and the men have a more solid grip on their earning power.

So look. Here’s my first post directed solely at Generation Z women: Spend the years from age 20-25 focused on getting married. There is no evidence that doing well in school during that period of your life will get you worthwhile benefits. There is no evidence that waiting longer than 25 makes a better marriage. And there is not evidence that women who do a great job early in their career can bank on that later in their career. There is evidence, though, that women who focus on marriage have better marriages. There is evidence that women who have kids earlier have healthier kids, and there is evidence, now, that women who have grown children by age 45 do better at getting to the top in the workforce than all other women with kids.

You can bet I'm forwarding this article to my two (younger) sisters.

Thoughts on Grad School

Last summer, I thought I wanted to go to graduate school. What I really wanted was a change. And I got it. I accepted the position of NSU's first International Student Recruitment and Retention Specialist.

My youngest sister is set to graduate college very soon (when did that happen?), and she called me to talk about life and careers and marriage and all that jazz. She originally wanted to go to graduate school, but after thinking about it more, she didn't want to spend the time or the money doing it and she wanted someone to validate her.

VALIDATION GRANTED!

I'm a HUGE supporter of avoiding graduate school.
(Unless of course you're going to become a doctor, professor or lawyer. Then, get your ass to class!)

You see, my sister doesn't really know what she wants to do. And that's fine: she's 21 years old. At 21, I didn't know what I wanted either. I knew I wanted a paying job with free weekends to travel and party and relax and a paycheck. That's exactly what she wants. And I'll argue that this is what most young 20 year olds want after spending some years at a university.

Here's why I think graduate college isn't worth it:
1) The money. It's really expensive, and even if you get a loan (which you have to pay back) or a stipend (nicely done), you are missing out on the income you could've been earning if you were working instead.

This has worked firsthand for me: I would've had a free ride to the NSU English program in addition to earning a measley $600 a month for teaching some comp courses. Instead, I'm working full time and earning much more. I would've set my family back (no car, no baby, no vacations) if I would've chosen to go to graduate school.

2) The learning. Sure, you'll learn lots. Lots in one very specific field. But here's the thing: as long as you're a curious person, you'll learn lots anywhere: travelling the world, working a full time job, volunteering your time, providing care for a sick loved one.

Also, this has worked firsthand for me: I've learned WAY more than I did in school by working. Each position has opened my breadth of knowledge in understanding tasks, industries, office structures, politics and interacting with people. I can interview applicants, produce annual reports, negotiate international agreements, organize a library stack of books in the Library of Congress system, design marketing materials, process applications for university admissions, determine a plastic's type by look and feel and order a Chinese visa. There's no way two years in graduate school would teach me such a variety and such a depth than what I've learned in my four years of learning on the job.

The controversial Penelope Trunk says, "Other people will say they love to learn. This is not a good thing to say because it is not remarkable. At least, not among the people you need to be better than to get hired. Those star employees are learning all the time and do not take time away from work to go to grad school. Are you so stupid that you cannot learn without getting grades? Because this is what it looks like if you say you went to grad school because you love to learn."

3) The time. We aren't Peter Pans. We can't be 18 and in college forever. The thing is, we can still have fun in the real world. We can still have parties, long weekends, friends and sleeping in (can you say, vacation or personal leave?). Get out of college and into the real world! It's actually quite awesome.

Yeah, finding a job is hard work - but most good things in life are. And if you don't find a job you're in love with, find a job you can live with. And then keep looking. Cash that paycheck until you can land a job you do love. Finding a job is much easier once you already have one. And you can use job experience to answer interview questions and prove your worth instead of saying, "In one of my classes, I did a project where..." and go on to describe a contrived senario your professor assigned you.

I've also found that my career accomplishments were way more fulfilling than anything I did in college (save for the Rapscallion). And my bank account is way better with my job than when I was in college (working two jobs and studying full time). Why waste time avoiding the eventual? Get out there!

So, I told my little sister, you go. Skip that grad school. Don't feel guilty, don't look back. Apply for whatever  jobs you qualify for. Find a good company or school where there's lots of opportunities for lateral and upward mobility. Find a place that pays and that lets you have your weekends. Even better if they give you an office and benefits.

I hope that she finds something good. I know she will. She's exactly what employers are looking for: a hard-working, smart college graduate willing to do what it takes to work up the ladder of success. She graduates in December, and I'm betting by the end of February, she'll be employed.

Stop the Presses: I'm being an adult

The craziest part of being pregnant is the whole there's-a-human-being-about-to-depend-on-us-for-everything thing.

Which forces me to be an adult.

But, I'm already an adult. I remember to pay all my bills. I check my mail. I have a full time job and a salary and benefits and a parking spot. I live in a house. I make dinner (most nights). I plan vacations. I buy detergent and toilet paper and batteries before they run out. I return phone calls and emails. I budget. I even remind my husband to put out the trash (most Tuesdays).

Which means I'm being forced from being an adult to being a parent.

Together, Bryan and I have talked about how we want to raise our kids, where we'll take them on vacations and how we'll introduce trade to our toddlers.

But the logistics - like which stroller is best or which food to introduce first or what time is bedtime - have been confusing and so abstract that we've talked, looked and changed the subject without really deciding. We know that I want to return to work (can you imagine me being a stay at home mom?) after my maternity leave. We know that Bryan's going to continue to teach, though thankfully he'll have all his classes on the Tuesday/Thursday schedule to ensure some Daddy time.

Well who's going to watch the baby? I don't trust the day cares in this town. I've seen 'em, I've heard horror stories about meth labs and kiddos, day cares without licenses, and I don't like 'em. What's more: I just don't like the idea of a daycare. Just a personal opinion.

I've always wanted to have one dedicated nanny for my baby. I am not sure if we could afford a 40 hour a week nanny, but thankfully, we won't have to. Bryan has expressed interest in hanging out with the little baby on the days that he's not teaching, and I think that is awesome. I am so happy that my baby will have such good quality time with his dad and that Bryan will be bonding.

Ladies and gentlemen: be impressed. I have already found our nanny! I am so pleased with her. We're taking her to lunch for the official "hire" and discussion of pay, schedule and all that jazz. Even more, I'm so pleased to be able to give my baby the best care: the undivided attention of someone who loves children while allowing me and Bryan to continue our careers and enjoy the baby afterwards.

Who would we trust with this huge responsibility? None other than an Elementary Education major, daughter of the Dean of the Liberal Arts College, girlfriend of one of our improv guys and dancer/actress/arts extraordinaire. She sounds like a dream, and she's even better in person. We are so lucky.

That's one thing I can check off my list. YES!

NOTE: Of course, if we move, I'll have to change the plan.

DC was OSM

I'm back to work, and Bryan's about to pick me up for lunch. Wanted to share a pic or two from the trip. Which was FABULOUS.

DC and Me!

I like DC. I like trips to DC. I like my new job. My new job is sending me to DC today! Hooray!

Okay, not to get too excited: my hotel is outside the District, but it's a cab ride away which is much closer than Oklahoma.

Thursday night, my parents will be in the middle of a layover before their Friday morning flight to Africa for mission work, so I get to see them! Friday night, we're touring the city monuments and poking into some museums and getting dinner with my very cool friends Justin & Erin. Saturday, we have a 10:30 massage, brunch plans at M Street Bar and Grill , a tour of the Capitol and an evening in the city. From what I have written in my calendar, it looks like a good trip!


Me and Bryan the last time we were in DC

Things I Will Miss About My Library Job

the bills: today I ran the bills for the last time. I'll miss seeing what patrons have checked out, and I'll miss signing my name on the bills.

the head counts: I love walking around the library and seeing where all our patrons are and what they're doing. It's fun to see what books get left out, and what notes are left behind after hours of studying.

my coworkers: I've met two of my best friends here, and my other coworkers are great to work with, too. They're a fun bunch of Oklahomans who know how to have fun at work.

my students: they are gone for the summer, but I have really enjoyed working with and mentoring my student staff. I've learned a lot about myself and how to be better in my one year with them.

putting books back on the shelves: it took me awhile to enjoy this task, mostly because I didn't have to do it often, but I actually really enjoy putting books in order and shelving them flush against the shelf.
reading: never before have I had a job where I was paid to read. I could flip through magazines, read blogs, reread Faulkner, start up on Plath or finish Atlas Shrugged. I really will miss this.

the books: I am surrounded by books. Old books, new books, returned books, found books, donated books, books needing to be shelved, books needing mending, books needing processing, books needing me, books on my desk, books on shelves, books on trucks, books on children. It's really some kind of heaven to be immersed in stacks of books.


the parties: each month we would dress up and party.

Preparing for my new job

Ways That I'm Preparing For My New Job
taking time off in between: I'm taking five days off in between jobs to destress, organize my closet and do absolutely nothing like watch Top Chef and eat Cheetos straight from the bag.

buying new clothes: I want to build myself a stunning new wardrobe of professional pieces that are great for the office, for travel and for public addresses.

moving my work accessories to my new office: today, I brought over my lamp, my pictures and my favorite emergency snacks. I even got a jump start on my new job by looking through applicants for a study abroad scholarship and providing my recommendations. I loved looking out my windows while I thought of thoughtful things to write. Later this week, I'll bring over my Clemson diploma and some other work necessities.

getting to know my new coworkers: today, I got lunch with my new coworker and learned some in house secrets about our boss and how things work. I've also learned more about her which will make next week's first week of work easier!

harness my enthusiasm for this new opportunity: I'm journaling and I'm telling everyone who asks about my new job how excited I am about this new job. I'm so excited. It's the first time I've had a real non-entry level position - with an office and a travel budget to boot. I am aware that it might not be as rosy a job as I imagine, but I am hoping to keep a positive outlook and use optimism to handle adversity.

Wednesday Whaaat?

I announced my new position on facebook. Starting Monday, June 20, I will be NSU's first ever International Recruitment and Retention Specialist (or, what I like to say, International Student Recruiter). I finished all my paperwork after my (successful) negotiations, and I got my key to my office! WHAAAAAAAT! Awesome!

I finished the Annual Report I was worried about; it took forever, but all the numbers are there, my thoughts and my goals for the next fiscal year. It looks beautiful, and my boss was impressed. She especially enjoyed seeing that circulation went up by 13.5% this year (mostly due to my Blind Book Date initiative). Awesome.

My birthday was the best birthday I've had since 21. Three cakes, some fun-fetti cupcakes and lots of beer. I had a party in Philly, a party at work, a (fancy steak dinner) party with Bryan and a party with my Tahlequah friends. I couldn't ask for anything more awesome.

Oh, and my boss is doing my exit interview at Cherry Berry, a local ice cream shop. Awesome.

Change comes fast.

I know I just posted this morning about change and how I didn't know what I'll be doing. Well, now I know.

This morning, I had a second interview for a position on campus. The interview went well, and by the time I had returned to the library, the director was calling my line to ask me to come to his office. He offered me the job and wanted an answer before the end of the day. Bryan went to lunch with me, and we talked about it. Weighed the pros and cons, thought about life as a grad student versus the life with this new job. And, after much deliberation and two burgers later, we decided to go for the new job.

Let me tell all my family and close friends, first. Then I will tell you ALL about my new sweet job. I submitted my three weeks notice at the library, and my last day is June 14. I begin my new job June 20. Somebody should just pour cherries on me. I am so excited about this new adventure!!

Woa. Choosy Me.

When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.
William James



I am on the verge of change. What sort of change is up to me.

I know I'm not happy where I'm at. Things are not great in the library at the moment, and there are no indications that this will change in the next year or two. I know I will be (even if just slightly) happier doing something besides what I'm doing. I have made moves to give myself choices, thinking that of all the options, the "right" choice would be obvious.

Here I am, teetering between Plan A (graduate school) and Plan B (a better paying, more challenging job). Each path is a good one, and I suppose it is almost harder than choosing between two evils. I cannot choose "wrong," I can only choose "better."

How am I to choose? If I weigh these financially, it's a tough call. Obviously, Plan B will give me more money immediately, but Plan A may ensure higher pay in the long term. If I weigh the two emotionally, I'm not going to be accurate as I have not done either of these tracks. Each are similar to other adventures (undergraduate and admissions job), but until I am in the position, I will be unable to evaluate which is better for me emotionally. If I weigh these two options in terms of what will be challenging, I know that both of them will be - but in different ways.

I'm ready for a change. I just need to choose what sort of change I need. Do I need a rejuvenating academic adventure? Do I need a more intense job? This is my town for the time being; I need to find something and make it work. And soon.

My graduate school classes begin on my birthday, Monday, June 6. I hope to have decided before that date. Wouldn't that be a great birthday present? Clarity of mind, certainty in my choice, hopeful anticipation of change.

Oklahoma is going to pay me

Two weeks ago, I interviewed via Skype for the position of my dreams. The Northeastern State University of Oklahoma was looking for a new Circulation Supervisor for their library. With my English degree and experience working in a university library (thank you, Clemson University Special Collections!), I was absolutely prepared for the interview.

Last week, they called me to offer the job! I'm so excited. I'm excited to have a job lined up already. It will make the transition to Oklahoma seamless; I'll start working within a week of arriving, start earning money, start meeting people, start feeling productive. It will be wonderful to work on the same campus as Bryan, again.

But, the job itself is what I'm most excited about! I'll be the person in charge of all loans for the library: helping faculty find resources for their research and publications, helping students find resources for their assignments, helping community guests find what they need. I'll be the mentor for student workers, some of whom this is their first job. I'll help lead workshops for the library. I also get to be the one to open the library each weekday morning! I'll be a part of a really fun team, so fun they have a twitter and facebook!

Needless to say, I'm excited. While I enjoyed Admissions, I'm so excited to have my first job that is directly related to what I learned in college, directly related to my best skills. This, ladies (and gentlemen), is the start of Alyssa Buckley's career. Hello, successful working lady, I'm finally here!