I'm there with him.

Bryan ran into one of my friends who is an advisor at the university. I used to see her a lot since our jobs sometimes overlapped on the same student. 

She has a very cute baby boy and a few times when she just got back from maternity leave, she came and sat in my office and talking about pumping and working and how cute our babies are.

I haven't seen her except once (in line at chickfila) since I quit my job.

Well Bryan said he had a good chat with her. He said she asked if I was happy and I told her that you were really happy. 

Really happy.

I probably would have described myself as happy. But maybe I am really happy. There are some not fun things and some less than exciting moments, hell, afternoons. There are crying fits and repetitive games and changing diapers. 

But I'm the one there. I'm there with him.

He's crying and then I can comfort him or fix the problem or (if it's unreasonable crying) talk him through it, validate and then offer something else more fun or appropriate. 

He's gets all the flash cards out of a box, puts them on the floor, then puts them back in the box. Only he can't quite so it, so I help him. 

I'm there with him. 

I think it's great for him to be around me. I am the one to teach him things, to show him how to have fun and make sure he's going out and about, going outside, getting alone time, napping. I like being the schedule keeper. 

Also, I think it's great for me to be around him. Truly, I have changed. It's only been a month and a half, but my mood, my default self is so much better. 

I'm not rushed. I know that I have more time in my day and also that Bradley is newly mobile. 

I'm relaxed. If chores get done, awesome. If not and all I did was nap when Bradley napped, also awesome. It will get done.

And, I guess, I'm really happy.  

Weekends.

I love weekends. They are full of pajamas and adventures with Bryan and yummy breakfasts and naps.

Also, bonus: I convinced Bryan to help me finish the garage. It went from horrible mess

mess

 to manageable mess to organized 
to less mess, donated lots, what it is now. 

We went from the middle picture to the last picture today. Two hours during Bradley's nap, we cleaned, trashed, donated, reorganized and sold things.

And Bradley helped me mop the kitchen. 

Booyah.

Brain dump

We went to South Carolina last weekend. So much in less than forty eight hours. Four planes.

Lots of family time. Bryan's sister got engaged!!

Saw friends in Greenville. 

Tailgated in Clemson. 

Bradley in a Clemson jersey.

 Surprise murder mystery party for Bryan.

 Sweet family time.

I'm back to my new chapter. I am still not working, not looking. It's still fresh.

I'm learning to give up high expectations of projects. To be less ambitious. I mean, it sounds awful, but it might be good for me. Perhaps my goals should be smaller, more internal. What if I relaxed expectations so I could encounter, then react instead of expect, ecstatic or disappointed, react.

It was 85 degrees today. That's an absurd temperature for October.

My Chinese class is kicking my butt! I finally put in my time and studied. I am feeling better and I went through my flag cards until I recognize the character, pronunciation and definition. Feels good to learn.

I am still loving my time with Bradley. I am drinking this lemonade (when life gives you lemons), and I'm happy. New chapter: happiness.

This weeks accomplishments

Bradley

-Learned to find his hair, head, belly and (sometimes) nose

-learned to say moo when asked What's a Cow Say?; also Baaa for sheep

-Slept great this week, two naps, full nights.

-Ate a meat!! Sliced turkey.

-drank more than one cup of milk!

-Started playing games in the crib: pick me up, but then when I get close, fall back laying down and close eyes/put blanket over his head. 

-barks constantly (maybe not an accomplishment)

Alyssa

-Cooked a meal every night this week (Bryan's scores on dinner were 8, 7 and 9/10

-Hit the gym three times for 60 min+

-Mopped the floor

-Did my hair a different way everyday

-Started wearing makeup

-started a Vine account 

-Stayed up late with Bryan 

Family

-Family dinners every night (lower stress prep since I had all day to prepare)

-Late night hanging out as a couple

-Traded chores 

It's been a great week. Tonight, I talked to Bryan and told him about how much I'm enjoying being home (way more than I thought). He said he's surprised at how happier I seem. Truth: I am happy. 

I'm still not sure this is a long term path to happiness, but I can't think long term. I'm so focused on right now. I'm happy right now. 

Killin it at my new job

Ok. I'm having a great time at home. (Is it ok to say that?)

 I am LOVING my time with Bradley, with myself and with the house. At times when everyone is home, I am nicer, calmer and more prepared. I am more present when Bryan is home, more flirty and (I'm surprised) happier.

I was doing great in my job. I was in charge of a department, things were great, my calendar was organized, my staff was fabulous and everyone thought we were on top of it. We were. I was. 

This is the starkest contrast I've experienced. To go from a full 40+ hour work week with blazers and high heels and meetings and CC: emails and business lunches to go to constant parenting and jeans and flip flops (ok probably need to step it up a notch) and laundry and naps and peek a boo and teaching my baby to walk.

Both of them are awesome. I loved being a working mom. I am loving being a stay at home mom. I'm just living in the moment. 

Everyone keeps asking what my plans are. Will I apply for another job? Will I be a full time stay at home mom? For how long?

I don't know.

I made all these plans for my life and surely, much has not gone according to plan.* So, I think there is more preparation and practice and less planning. Be ready for anything. Bloom where I'm planted sort of thing.

So here I am, trying my best to soak up this new chapter. I'm not sure if it's my intentional appreciation for this time or if this time is just really, truly awesome. Either way, I am loving this.

Today, I dropped Bryan off for work, went to the gym, went grocery shopping, put Bradley down for a nap, cut up fruit and made lunch for the three of us,

 ate lunch with Bradley, went to Chinese class while Bryan ate lunch with Bradley, played with Legos, put Bradley down for another nap, played with my hair and makeup (whaaaaaat. I have been so lazy. Makeup and hair is fun!), 

cleaned the kitchen and then Bradley and I picked up Bryan. Dinner, playtime, bedtime, beer with Bryan.

So far, this is great. I have a full week ahead of me, and I'm planning to drop off some clothes donations, mop the kitchen, have a play date, and make dinner every night (besides tonight).

*marrying my true love from college is a winning part of the plan.