Life, slow down.

We're on our way to Okc for the annual Oklahoma comedy festival. I'm excited. It will be our third time, even with last years hiatus to have a baby. 

Things are moving too fast. Literally, I blink and it's the next day. I shower at nights now (wow, my life is thrilling) so I can have more time in the morning to play with Bradley. Then it's get ready, everybody and go to work and daycare. With my new boss, work is even crazier because I have to explain everything (why and how) and also help when weird things come up. Then I get home, make dinner, do bath time and playtime then it's bed, mama shower and couple time with Bradley. 

I'm exhausted. I'm getting enough sleep but I'm not getting ANY down time for me. I'm feeling that.

I've been on weight watchers and have lost 4 pounds but I can't find time to work out. I'm making better choices with food, but often the easy (and more delicious) choice is the worst for my health. It's a tough thing to balance that I'm almost giving up, saving my energy for playing with Bradley or hanging with Bryan. 

Bradley turns one in just two weeks. Going to another baby's first birthday party really made it real. There are so many things I wanted to do before his first birthday: make a photo book, lose the baby weight, wean from breastfeeding, and order a sandbox. None of that has happened and unless I can squeeze another few weeks in (without work), it just won't happen. 

Clearly, I'm feeling mediocre about my personal accomplishments, but when I see the big picture, I've got it good: a hilarious and sweet husband, a freaking adorable baby, an exciting job and enough of a paycheck to be able to plan a summer vacation. So I need to breathe, relax and refocus.

Will I be upset that I haven't done the things I wanted to do by my child's greatest milestone yet? Totally. But I mean, it's not going to happen and there's a certain maturity that I've developed living in Oklahoma where I can tell reality from wishes. It's not a fun skill, but it's definitely useful.

Especially as I button my size 6 pants and my belly puckers over and my face is rounder than id like. But seriously, me, you had a baby! I've carried a child from seed to tiny human and nursed him for one year. This body's clearly going to have some wear and tear. I'm not some supermodel. I'm a shorty, average lady with genes that lend themselves to weight gain. 

But I grew and fed a human for the last 20 months! That's pretty damn incredible.

So, I'll cherish those moments of laughter in the morning as we play peekaboo while I find my wedges and the squeals when Bradley hugs me and the "Did you hear that?"s when he says his newest word. Those are my moments. 

I can always lose the weight (lord, I hope!), but I can't get these moments back. I'll take moments with my baby over moments with the gym. And thus, I'll keep the weight. Until I can really get my post baby ass in gear!

I understand diets!!!!

Okay, so in a perfect vacuum of a world, I could eat as many cupcakes and fun size Hershey bars and drink as many Dr. Peppers and glasses of Sauvignon blanc and watch as many tv shows and sit as much as I wanted.

If I do this in reality, my weight creeps up on me.

But! I can dress cute and I'm short and I'm smiley so my weight isn't a very noticeable trait. Especially next to my fat baby.

As my fat baby thins and grows and becomes less a baby and more a toddler (yes, like a month away to one year), my weight is becoming more noticeable...and more prominent. Because I lost after having Bradley, plateaued and am now gaining again.

They say nine months on, nine months off, and ok ok that's great. Yes, I wish. Well, not happening here. I missed that boat, but I am not gonna miss them all. C'mon one year boat, I'm gonna try to catch you. And every pound lost is still a win.

I have my reasons for not losing. I'm still nursing. My job is crazy right now. I have no time. It's messy. It requires too much thinking. It isn't fun.

Well boo hoo.

I look fat in pictures because I am.

Well boo hoo.

Enough. Lets do something. So I made the huge leap to Weight Watchers. It costs money, but it's really fun. It's very laissez faire. You get daily points and everything costs points. Except some fruits and veggies, those are 0.

I UNDERSTAND HOW DIETS WORK NOW!

You eat delicious things like cake and soda and chips and they're so delicious so you eat so much and then you gain.

On diets, you make healthy low point meals and they're good (not amazing) and you eat until you're full because there's no sense in overrating something that is just ok.

I GET IT!

Note: on my week of Weight Watchers, I have one more day. I have 13 weekly points left and 26 daily points for tomorrow. On my last day I have a huge balance of points. Which is perfect since I'll be eating dinner at my parents' restaurant!

Note on progress: I feel skinnier (maybe it's motivation to be thinner) and good and wore dresses everyday this week. Oh, and I lost four pounds! Booyah.

Note on what I ate: a ton of watermelon, fried chicken drumsticks (without skin, well maybe a crumb or two), diet Dr. Pepper (yuck!), veggies, apples, flank steak, and chicken. And one donut (7 pp) never again!