Lady Gets Scared

Something scary happened. It's over, and it's not scary anymore, and I wouldn't blog about it except that I already blogged about it and said it was nothing to be scared of. In fact, I promoted it, I raved about it, and I loved it.
Let's talk about my IUD. Bryan and I made a formal decision to not have children for awhile. We'd been successful in not having children for four years at the time, and we wanted to use our insurance money for something less of a hassle than a pill, and we knew we didn't want kids anytime soon.

So I got the IUD. A month later, I had to have the doctor adjust it because it fell out of place. And then I got to thinking about moving to Oklahoma, and we had a busy summer of visiting friends and traveling for two months. Then we moved to Oklahoma and all of that happened, and I forgot about my little copper T-shaped baby-preventer.

Well, I shouldn't have. I saw a doctor two weeks ago for a regular check-up, and again, my cervix has expelled the IUD. She asks if I noticed anything different, and I hadn't. She says she can't tell how long it's been out of place, but that it was definitely out of place and definitely not effective. Crap.

So there goes my security in my "awesome" birth control. According to my doctor, my cervix is unusually small (so is my whole body, lady!) and that my lack of birthing children means it is difficult for the IUD to remain in place. Great. There goes that.

Well, my doctor sent me over to the hospital to get an ultrasound and gave me a pregnancy test. I was going back to the doctor the next day to have the IUD removed and to learn the results of the test. What day was this? Oh, the day before my 5 year anniversary with Bryan. So I wake up on our anniversary and spend the day not knowing if I'm pregnant or if we're still just us for a few years. Bryan is calm, and he tells me that no matter what we'll be fine, that we'll be happy. We eat a very serious lunch that day, talking about what we would do if we learned we were about to be parents, what we would do if we weren't.

Two hours before my anniversary dinner, I see my doctor for the last appointment of the day. I'm freaking out. She tells me again that I have a tiny cervix and that I'm not pregnant. Whew! I just felt a huge pressure lifted off of me. I don't remember much of what the doctor said, but she handed me a prescription for The Pill and a free pack to get started now.

Pregnancy avoided. Thank the lordy lord! We will not have a baby Buckley joining us anytime soon. I'm back on The Pill. I expect some mood swings, some weight gain and a libido increase (watch out). But I won't be expecting a child, so I'm okay with all of this.

I felt like I had to share my story with you ladies since I had so positively reviewed it. I really think it's a good idea, but if you have a small cervix or have not had children, it might not be the best form of birth control for you. Again, talk to your doctor, read as much as you can about it. It didn't work for me. Please feel free to email me if you don't feel comfortable asking questions here.

Messy Lady Brain

My brain is in a kerfuffle. I'm certain of this: that I want a challenge and I'll be in Oklahoma for another two years. Things I thought aren't things I think anymore. Things I crossed off my "Want To Do" list are somehow appearing back on the list. Things that were good ideas are actually slowly becoming not so great ideas.

Without going into too much detail, I wanted to express my confusion with my current place in life. I've been talking with Bryan a lot lately about this, and we haven't yet decided what's going to be best. I need to dump my brain somewhere public, and I sure won't share with facebook. I've only got like ten readers, and I don't mind laying it out there for you loves.

My job fluctuates between being very fun and bringing me to tears. I work in a library, and I love being surrounded by books, seeing the new titles coming in, finding interesting titles as they come across my desk, talking to fellow readers and helping students with papers. I also really enjoy being a boss and mentor for my student staff...and telling the them what to do. But, the actual daily tasks are mind-numbing. The job requires a BA, but I do not feel challenged. I could finish all my work in a few hours, and I did earlier until I realized that if I did all my work, I would get assigned other coworkers' work. So, as I have with any culture, I assimilated to a very slow work process, and it's frustrating. If I do anything but, I look like an overachiever, a stand out from my department. The drama in the library is unbelievable at the moment. The director of the library is leaving due to the university administration pushing her out. The position is open, and the fight for her position is on. There are whispers in every corner of the library, and the political lunches have spiked. I'm out of my element. And I'm coming home in tears.

What's more is that my town is so small, about 12,00 people in the whole town. My job opportunities are with the university, WalMart or one of the Ma & Pop restaurants. And I went to college so I wouldn't have to work those hourly positions. I worked my ass off in college graduating a four year BA program in only three years all while holding down three jobs at a time all of different types of terrible jobs like Subway, Great Clips, Linens N Things, Target, Res Life desk assistant, bookstore staff, alumni phonathon caller, library assistant, and babysitter. I earned that degree so I could work a good 9-5 job with a salary, with benefits, with an office. I've got a 7-4 job with benefits and a student staff, so in that regard, I've done it. But it's not a job that makes me think. I like thinking! I like thinking hard. I like thinking fast. I like thinking about important things. I suppose I think of myself as an intellectual, as a lady with a good brain. And my job isn't using me and my potential. My job is using me as a body, as a functional being - nothing extraordinary.

I've tried applying for jobs elsewhere on campus, and though the employee handbook encourages upward mobility on campus or cross-transfers to a department with a better fit, I've found no luck. I've applied for Admissions Counselor positions, for an International Recruiter position, for a Campus Organization Staff position, hell, I even applied for the Assistant to the Marketing Director position because I thought even being someone's assistant might be more of a challenge than this! I talked to HR about this, and the underlying message was that the library was a good fit for me and for the library and she wouldn't consider me for any available on campus positions unless the position was a "significant" upward move. But basically, it wouldn't happen. So I'm stuck in this job.

Or am I?

I crossed grad school off my "Want To Do" list in high school. I wanted my college degree, my sweet entry level job with benefits, and I wanted to do it forever. And when I went to college, I was set to graduate in three years with a degree in my favorite thing: reading, talking about it and writing about it. So I did. And then, I got the offer to move to Chapel Hill to teach comedy (Thanks, Zach Ward), and life was perfect. I had a sweet job as Marketing Director making logos, using my brain, writing proposals and templates, and I was doing comedy: performing, writing, teaching. I was happy, and I had everything: a sweet job, a sweet comedy gig and a sweet fiance.

And then my fiance became my husband and then my husband graduated and then my husband got a job, all within about six months. And before I knew it, my life was unbelievably different. I loved Bryan (still do, fyi), and part of being Bryan's wife was picking up and going with him to Philadelphia, so he could work his first kick-ass professor job. And I was pumped! Bryan was about to jump several digits in his salary, we were going to be in a big city, and my marriage was finally seeming to be "real." And then the reality set in: I had to say goodbye to the little life I'd created for myself in Chapel Hill, my friends, my job, my DSI, my routine.

Before we moved to Philadelphia, I had landed a position as a private English tutor and American ambassador to a Swiss woman who was visiting the US. It was a three-month position, and it paid great for little time commitment. I did it; it was fun until it wasn't, and then it was over. A few months passed before I got the job working in admissions. That job was great but temporary. When it ended, I volunteered to get experience and to have something to do. We knew we were moving, so I didn't even look for another job.

And then we moved to Oklahoma. Before we got out here, I interviewed via Skype and was offered this position at the library. It sounded great, but the first four months at the job were terrible. I was coming home in tears at least once a week. Now, I've found a somewhat awkward groove in the job, but it's still not what I was hoping for, even a year later. I'm unsatisfied, unchallenged and under-appreciated. None of those are good qualities for an employee, especially one who is so young and ready to be working.

So where does that leave me? I've considered just sticking with this job for the next two years, just dealing with it, but that idea scares me. One, I'm not sure how my work ethic will be after two years of purposeful slacking. Two, these years are my prime years for developing my career. My mother always tells me to take jobs that will get me where I want to go, where I want to be when I'm 45 and still looking at another 25 years in the workplace. It took her nearly 15 years to figure out that she wanted to be an accountant, and now she is and she loves it, and she'll keep at it until she retires. I'm not there.

I have so many things that I think would be fun, would be great careers, and I have to figure out what I want most, what will make me happy. And it's the toughest part because no one, not my mother, not Bryan, not even you my readers, no one besides me can tell me what I want most. I have to own up, evaluate myself, and decide what I want to do with my life.

I've proven to myself, time and time again, that when I know what I want, I can get it. I wanted to graduate in three years. I did. I wanted to go to a good college out of state. I did (woot! Clemson!). I wanted to major in English. I did. I wanted to find an awesome guy in college. I did. I wanted to never stop improvising. I did (so far). And the realization I've made from all of these goals and achievements is that I haven't made a new long-term goal for myself in years. My goal making began in high school and besides "Get a Job," I haven't set out to achieve anything. And that's embarrassing. How could I let myself be forgotten?

I've been focusing so much on how to deal with what I've got in the present, whether it was back when I was engaged, just focusing on the wedding or now, when I'm focusing on how to survive in this (still new) place. The last three years have been the most tumultuous years of my life, never planting anywhere for very long. Where is the me I used to be?

I believe I'm still capable of greatness, still that same me. I'm not blaming anyone but myself. I've let circumstance and external forces affect the way I'm taking on life. I've chosen not to think forward. I'm responsible for the me I am in my frustrating job, in my defeated state.

But there's freedom in admitting responsibility. Because I'm the only one responsible for my future. I can defeat this lethargy. My favorite quote of all time is from (you guessed it) Ayn Rand. She says:

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours."

I can't help but think it's not over. I have yet to conquer Oklahoma or my future. My life, my world can be won. I will win it for myself, to prove once again that I can set a goal and achieve it. That I am not a hopeless swap. That I have not yet peaked. That I will be great, that I will do great, that I am great.

photos by the fabulous artist Fiorela Larrea

Words from a 1995 Speech by Erica Jong

As I work to find the right speech for our Living Museum Day, I'm reading several passionate speeches about liberty and suffrage. This excerpt from an address by Erica Jong to the ACLU Biennial Conference in New York City struck me.

Interesting enough, calls for censorship always increase when the population is extremely diverse and different standards prevail. This is almost a given: When you have an elitist or traditional society in which everybody agrees about who gets access to stuff, you don't have calls for censorship...

And basically censorship, once it gets on the books, is always used in a way, to politically harass the dissenter. The reason I remain a First Amendment fundamentalist, is because I understand as a feminist, as a Jew, as a woman who has been battered for expressing herself freely in all her books, I understand the First Amendment protects the minority, protects the dissenter, protects the woman, protects the witch.

Basically, I understand that unless you have a government of laws, rather than a government of people, you can protect dissent. And I understand, as a woman who probably would have been burned in the marketplace for witchcraft only about 200 years ago, that I need the First Amendment more than anybody does. And that even if I am repelled by child pornography or Bob Guccione's productions, that I have to protect those things, because essentially it's in my self-interest to do so.

Lady Tip #25

Shower the night before a hectic day. You may never find time for that afternoon shower.

Lessons Learned from my Littlest Sister

In honor of the baby in our family, my sister Michelle's birthday today, I'm creating a list of things she's taught me, despite being younger and cooler than me.

You never need an excuse for ice cream. Ice cream is always an option.
Sisters are more important than parents, friends, boyfriends, anybody.
Music can change a person's life.
When you stop liking something, stop doing it.
There's no such thing as something too trivial to text.
If you want something, work hard to get it. (First of all Mander girls to purchase her own car sans any money from anyone but herself.)
Boyfriends have to be cute (and funny and smart and fun to be around) - or else, why date them?
Picture messaging is the best way to stay in touch.
I am not the cool one in the family.

Happy birthday, Michelle! You're awesome, but 19 isn't that exciting.

Busy as Can Bee

I had a good run in my blog as of late, but that is coming to a temporary stop. My Flash project is due on Wednesday for my Digital Media course that I'm taking at Ursinus College. I'm creating a game. It's quirky, silly and pretty easy, but it's taking me a long time. The animation is somewhat tricky, the photo manipulation takes hours and the action scripting is really complex. I thought I would have finished by now. It looks like I'll be spending all of Monday and Tuesday in the lab working on it.

And don't think that once Wednesday comes, I'll be ready to blog again. I don't know if you realize, but I'm moving across the country in 26 days. Not only do I have to pack my house, but I have to clean it! You see, with finals week here, both Bryan and I have been so busy that we haven't picked up at all.

What's more: we have a road trip planned for the entire month of June. I still have a few details to nail down, an itinerary to type, thank you gifts to find and clever budgeting to make it to August. Did I mention that we have only packed six boxes? And that my inlaws are coming to visit in just two weeks? Oh, and we haven't yet found a house in Oklahoma?

Call me an exaggerator, but I'm feeling a little out of control at the moment. Perhaps I'll procrastinate and find myself at my blogger dashboard, but I'm hoping I don't. This is a test of my lady powers, and it is time to hit this challenging summer headon.

The Night I Roasted a Whole Chicken

Before you get too impressed, let me warn you that this is not a triumphant tale. On my last grocery trip, I was looking for some yummy meat to cook this week, and I saw a whole chicken. Something about that six pound chicken screamed to me: roast me; cook me; prove your lady skills. And I couldn't resist.


Yesterday, I made the chicken. Bryan was busy with work, so I had the whole place to myself to cook. I chopped garlic and rosemary, got out the butter and salt, and then the chicken. I was a little terrified that I had to pull out the innards and cut off some fat. It was as gross and squishy as you'd think. I scrubbed it down and patted it dry. I rubbed the salt and butter and garlic and rosemary all over it. Holding it was quite different: it was heavy and the most stable grip was holding it under the wings, much like Rafiki holding an infant Simba. The oven was hot, and I put the bird in.


Fast forward smashed yams, cooked brown rice and two hours later, Bryan carves the chicken. Despite the outside being crispy and beautifully brown, the inside of the thighs are quite pink and a little too juicy.


We brainstormed the best course of action: cut off the cooked breasts and just eat that? put it back in the oven? order some Chinese delivery? All the options seemed equally valid. And then I remembered my mother-in-law. She has made whole chickens for me several times; she would know. And would you know it, she did. Her suggestion: cut off the white meat, microwave for 5 minutes; put the bird back in the oven for 40 minutes. It was delicious, though entirely too complicated.



I read an article a few weeks ago that listed ten things you're better off paying someone to do for you. I'm going to add Roasting a Whole Chicken as #11. For the exact same price, you can take home one that your grocery roasted - easy, equally affordable and definitely cooked.

What's up with your Vagina?

In case you were following my vagina's adventure with Paraguard, here's an update. This month has been great for me. I feel a lot better, I've lost three pounds, and I had zero PMS or cramping. My period came right on time yesterday, and my body feels incredible. But, it's routine to see your doctor one full month later. I literally just got home from the doctor. It should have been a simple check up on the IUD.

Should have been. Within minutes of my doctor entering the room, she was looking up at me from between my legs with a look. A look that says something is wrong. In my head, I run through all the worst possibilities: she sees a baby, my vagina has run away, the IUD has rusted the inside of my cervix. WHAT IS IT!?! She says that my IUD has fallen almost out of my cervix and she can see it just through her duck clamp binoculars. She says she's never seen this before, and she leaves. For a long time. I'm trying to remain calm.

She returns with the same nervous look and tells me to follow her to the ultrasound room. I immediately know that I'm pregnant, and I'm terrified to see a tiny bean living inside of me. Hello, that was the opposite of what I wanted! She squirts some cold jelly on my stomach and rubs a wand and I, with as much fear as I am able to feel, search the screen for a tiny baby bean. She shows me the IUD and how it is mostly out of my cervix. She also answers my fear and tells me that there is no baby. But there could be if she doesn't fix this. Apparently, the IUD is ineffective if it isn't in place.

Thirty minutes later, my IUD is back in place, my cervix is sore (again) and my doctor doesn't look nervous anymore. She says my cervix is unusually small (so is my whole body, lady!) and that my lack of birthing children means it is difficult for the IUD to remain in place. I had to set up another appointment to see her and check on the position of my IUD. The day before we move. It better be in place! And there better be no baby Buckley in there!!

I am relieved and happy that my doctor was able to reinsert the IUD (free of charge). I hope that my experience does not scare you, or if it does, that you use this as a launching point to a discussion with your doctor. Every woman is different, and I am apparently the one in a hundred that faces difficulty with IUDs. This freak appointment caused Bryan and me to evaluate our baby plans, and we are still certain that we are not ready for babies. And we are still certain this is the right birth control for us. I'm hoping for a better visit May 27 and a better blog update.

As always, ladies feel free to discuss in the comments or shoot me an email AlyssaMBuckley at gmail dot com.

Lady Rights and Lady Freedom and Lady Porn

One of my dear friends Justin Scott has written a blog post about ladies! Justin is one of the nicest friends I have: he'd give you the shirt off his back, the money from his pocket and the food from his fridge if you needed it. He and his wife Erin have been longtime friends of Bryan and me, despite our entirely opposite idealogical differences. They are devout Christians, and we are raging intellectuals. But, we do have a few things in common: one, we have passion; two, we live our lives according to our beliefs; three, we respect and enjoy hearing different opinions.


In his post, he announces Iceland's recent unanimous passing of a law that makes it illegal for any Icelandic business to profit from the nudity of its employees. I won't rehash all his points because you can read them all here.

If you are interested in a well-written, anti-sex industry read, it's wonderful. What's more wonderful is that Justin, being a lover of opinions, has said, "I would encourage you to express whatever disagreement you might have in the comments on this post. I'm open (hopefully, as always) to changing my mind."

To my lady readers and my male readers who are fans of ladies, I encourage you to post your thoughts to Justin's blog. He will not only respect your opinion, but he will be sure to respond to it. I have posted my own comments (so many thoughts it had to be broken into two comments) to his blog as well. I talk about American history, Kantian philosophy and Superfreakonomics. I'd say it's worth reading.

100 Posts

This is my 100th thought from my lady brain.


Let it rain lady quotes!!

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.
Margaret Thatcher

The more you act like a lady, the more he'll act like a gentleman.
Sydney Biddle Barrows

Dance, dance, dance little lady, Leave tomorrow behind.
Noel Coward

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty lady for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein

You may be a princess or the richest woman in the world, but you cannot be more than a lady.
Jennie Churchill

Lady Tips: Dinnertime

My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times and it works!

Moving: Step #2

Get your supplies.

You've rid yourself of the clothes, books and kitchenware you don't need. Perfect to start packing. But wait! You need some things. Having forgotten several of these things a few times myself, this list is practical and inclusive. If I have forgotten anything, let me know in the comments.

SHOPPING/FIND-ME LIST
boxes: you need big (about ten), small (not too many of these), medium (lots of medium). Always buy more than you need. You will need more than you think.
packing tape: clear is great, but anything works. It has to be strong because you'll be taping the bottom of boxes carrying heavy things.
sharpies: I like the ones with the chisel tip because it writes thick which is helpful when we are staring into the moving truck wondering which box to grab next. Buy a few. I promise you'll lose at least one.
bubblewrap: If you have anything fragile (plates, glasses, decorations, etc), you'll want to protect it from your own clumsy moves. Like boxes, you always want more than you bought, so buy a lot initially. You can always return it if you keep the receipt and open as you go.
dolly: Moving four boxes is way easy with this. Also, you can prop a couch, a table or a mattress for easier moving. We bought a heavy duty (read: can handle a couch) dolly from Home Depot for $25. It was way worth it.
trash bags: You'll be throwing away things, but these bags are really great for big blankets, pillows and towels (why use a box!).
envelope for receipts: Moving expenses are tax deductible. Also, if your company is moving you, they might need receipts for accurate reimbursements. Plus, it's good to keep track of these costs because they can spiral out of budget fast.
cleaning supplies: You'll be cleaning everything from fridges to floors to carpets. Make sure you've got the supplies. A few bucks spent on cleaning supplies could mean saving you a hundred dollars from your security deposit.

Next up: List of Lists to Make

Reality hits.

A friend of mine was telling me how incredible it is that I have already lived in four states (moving to my fifth) before I have even turned 23. When she pointed it out, I realized how different my life is than my friends. I married young, moved every year and maintained friendships from each place. My girlfriends and I talk a lot about relationships and men and marriage, but we never talk about moving.

Everyone has to move. At some point in life, you have to pack up your place and move to a new place. Having experienced moving to a new place on my own five times, I will be blogging through my sixth move. I've learned so many things with each move, and by the time we get to Oklahoma, I'll be a pro.

Current Move Countdown: 55 days

Sometimes lazy happens.

Last night was a night that was awesome. Bryan came home from work just as I finished my afternoon project. We took a tiny nap and changed to pajamas. As we walked into the kitchen to figure out what we were going to make for dinner, Bryan pulled a flyer off the fridge and said, "Free Receipt Night at ChickFilA!"

It was rainy and we were hungry, and feeling a little rebellious, so we slid on some flip flops and ran to the car. After ordering a #3, a twelve pack of nuggets and a milkshake, we pulled back into our driveway, grabbed our bags and started running to our door. As we run in our pajamas with our fast food bags and milkshakes, out runs our neighbor and her two young daughters. She's stressed and talking on the phone and trying to juggle her purse and lock the door and wrangle her daughters in the rain.

And we laughed and kept being kids, eating dinner on the floor and watching Phineas and Ferb. Life is as fun as you make it. So make it the best goddamn thing you can.

The Formal Decision To Not Have Babies

We always told our friend Jason that if we got pregnant, he should know it was an accident and that we wouldn't be happy, even if we faked it for everyone we knew. Horrible, I know, but it's true. Like many women I know, I was an adamant Pill popper as means to prevent pregnancy. I pick up my prescription at Target for $10, set my daily phone alarm for 9:30 and swallow the hormones each evening. I took the Pill for five years. It was cheap, easy to acquire and effective.

This Thursday, I laid on the metal bed, feet in stirups that were covered in oven mitts and my doctor double checking how deep my cervix was. Seconds later, I felt a horrible sharp pain deep inside me, like a tiny fairy had somehow gotten inside my vagina with a humongous sword and decided to stab my lady part. I'm not sure if it hurt so bad because I'm used to my vagina feeling pleasure or if because I haven't had children and my cervix is too tight or if because I'm a baby, but I jumped right off that table, yelping and crying. It hurt so bad that I felt dizzy and before I could alert the doctor, I fainted. When I awoke, there was no more pain and I smiled, a little embarrassed but mostly because I knew that with this IUD, I wouldn't be getting pregnant until I wanted to be getting pregnant.

For my ladies, I chose the Paraguard option, a copper t-shaped little thing, for the lack of hormones and because a writer from The Frisky documented her insertion and her (great) experience. And as of that afternoon, I am unable to get pregnant until the doctor removes it. It lasts for twelve years, but you can take it out at any time. My total out of pocket cost: $125 and insurance took care of the rest ($600). The afternoon following the insertion was pretty bad, sharp cramping and bouts of pain so bad that I cried. I recommend a movie, lots of iBuprofen and getting to bed early.

But that's all the bad things I can say. I woke up the morning after the insertion feeling great. So great actually that I spent 30 minutes doing my hair and did something funky with my makeup. I felt sexy all day and wanted to bone as soon as my man got home. That's a big thing: I'm horny all the time now. I was pretty horny before, but now I'm unstoppable. It's also great because you don't have to remember to do anything! No more phone alarms, no more I-hope-I'm-not-pregnant months. Hassle free!

The most important good thing: When my man and I decide that we want to have children, we will remove the IUD and start trying to procreate. I love this part, partially because I'm a planner but mostly because I want to bring a child into the world when it's optimal. Imagine whatever that is for you. For me, I want to be living closer to family, I want to have travelled to Europe, I want to have a sweet house, I want to be older, wiser, stronger. Now is not a good time, and the next bunch of years will also not be good. Kids never go away. I still bother my parents and I bet you still bother yours.

We're still newlyweds, and we have big plans for the next few years - and they don't involve children. And when we want our plans to involve children, we'll make a formal decision to remove the IUD and have them. So there. Betcha weren't expecting that.

**Ladies, if you have questions about IUDs, ask in the comments or shoot me an email AlyssaMBuckley at gmail dot com.

Lady Fitness

With summer months and bikini sales approaching fast, I've been really serious about working out.

I've found a beautiful hour and a half of my day at the gym. I drop in, sign up for my treadmill, hit the mat for some strength exercises, then hit the treadmill for interval training and then stretch for a good fifteen minutes. It's wonderful. I get a chance to read all my magazines that sit dusty on my coffee table, think about all the crazy things happening in my life right now, listen to my awesome 90s hip hop mix and enjoy the solitude in the presence of lots of women getting theirs.

The whir of the treadmill belt, the beat of women's sneaks on the machines, the light murmur from the weight area, the Destiny's Child bumping in my ear: it's perfect. It's my escape, and it's also my means to a bangin' bikini body. Summer of 2010 is the summer of hot.

Lady Tip: Meal Planning and Grocery Shopping

Everyone has to eat. Eating out is expensive. Buying packaged or frozen food is not tasty. The solution I've found for affordable, healthy, yummy eating is cooking at home. This means having a well-stocked kitchen and planning ahead. It's not that hard, and this week I'm walking my lady friends (and my male lurkers) through how to effectively and deliciously plan a week's worth of food.

This week's lunch includes:

Salad with Mexican fixin's

Tuna Salad Wraps

Peppered Turkey Breast Sandwich

This week's dinner menu includes:

Texas Chicken Taco Salad

Spicy Sausage Jumbalaya

Chicken Parmesan

Make it Yourself Calzones

Spicy Vegetable Lo Mein

Tomato Soup in a Bread Bowl with Side Salad

Breakfast for Dinner

I went to the store to buy all the ingredients. This week's protein is chicken which means you can save money and buy a club pack. Pick out however many chicken breasts you're using and store the rest in the freezer for next week. Here's a picture of all the groceries I bought, and the total cost was only $65.


If you break it down, each meal costs $5.40 and per person that's about $2.75. You can't beat that with frozen food OR by eating out (even if you go to Wendy's). And you aren't just getting cheaper food, you're getting healthier food. Each meal has at least one serving of vegetables and one serving of protein.

Here's your grocery list:

bread (whole grain if you can), two large rolls for bread bowl & wraps (whole grain if you can)

cheese: cheddar, Mozzarella, Parmesan (the nicest you can afford)
tortilla chips (multi grain if you can find it)

medium grain rice

pizza crust (near cookie dough; you can make your own if you like, I just never have the time)

cans: crushed tomatoes and tomato soup (I like Campbells)

spaghetti noodles (whole grain if you can)

Belgian Waffle mix

meats: bacon, andoullie sausage and chicken breasts

deli: provolone cheese (.25 lb), peppered turkey breast (.5 lb for two days)

produce: broccoli crown, lettuce, avocado, tomatoes on the vine, green pepper, zucchini

snacks: bananas, grapes, raisins, dried pineapple slices, almonds

Look for pictures and the Calzone recipe tomorrow morning. I dropped the pizza crust and it exploded open, so I'll be making that tonight.

My Standards v. My Mom's Standards: Cleaning

Every woman must someday leave the home of her mother and build her own home. As a lady lives on her own, she'll start to develop her own cleaning habits. I, having lived on my own for five years now, feel that I have gained enough insight into my own living style that I can properly compare my cleaning standards to my Mom (who I love and admire). I have no idea how she kept the house so clean over the years with THREE daughters.

Changing the bedsheets
Mom: Every Saturday morning
Me: Every other week (I'm embarrassed.)

Vacuuming the House
Mom: Every other day
Me: I aim for weekly, but often find myself going longer in between vacuums

Doing the Dishes
Mom: What seems like hourly
Me: Thankfully, I've recruited Bryan to this task. Whew.

Washing the Laundry (and folding and delivering it!)
Mom: Daily
Me: When I have no more clean clothes that are cute enough to wear

Clearing the Kitchen Counter of Clutter
Mom: Daily
Me: Daily (finally! something rubbed off on me!)

I know I'm young, but when my Mom was my age, she had two kids already and a giant home to clean, cook for and care over. I'm thankful to have no kids, a place just right and a husband who pitches in with the laundry, the trash and the dishes. It seems I have a lot to learn from my mom. Hopefully, her skills are something that will appear in me within the next few years. I sure could use a little bit of a cleaner home.

Ladies, It's Him.

This is pretty harsh as it's so close to Valentine's Day, but it has to be said.

Ladies, it's him. I have heard so many stories in the news with Tiger & Elin and in my personal life from friends, but so many ladies blame themselves (or outsiders throw the blame on the women) when men do something wrong. I'm talking about infidelity.



There are exceptions, of course, but most of the time when a man in unfaithful, it's his fault, not yours, ladies. We all make daily choices: to flirt it up with the person serving you coffee - or not; to discuss relationship problems with your coworker - or not; to seek out cybersex or online erotic chatting - or not; to sleep with waitress despite your wife and two children - or not. These are choices, and in those choices, those men had to choose between their girlfriend or wife and this new, different woman.

Stop feeling guilty. If we can all learn something from Tiger Woods' situation, it's that no matter how hot you are, no matter if you are married, no matter if you have children, if a man wants to test out another flavor, he will. And we, as ladies, cannot stop him by hitting the gym more, talking dirty, wearing sexy getups and bad mouthing other women (or men). Please stop blaming yourself. He did it. He meant to do it - regardless if he regrets it now. Once you believe that, I think recovery by either repairing the trust or by cutting the cheater loose will be much easier.

SNomg

Snow has yet to lose its novelty on me. This morning, I opened the blinds to see a beautiful winter wonderland. Our apartment overlooks a farm and some cute houses, and I remember moving in and thinking to myself, this will look so beautiful covered in snow. My imagination didn't do justice to what it looks like. It's incredible. It's breathtaking. It's more than what I imagined living the North would be like.

Everyone says you have to have a snow day tradition. Some people at work hit the diner before coming in, others make french toast. I make oatmeal and hot chocolate. As a lady who spent eighteen years in Florida, I feel that I can truly appreciate both oatmeal and hot chocolate now that there is snow outside.