Parenting a baby tip #4

When you are letting your baby cry - and you know they're clean, fed, warm, safe and sleepy - close the door.

Mama always wins

Tonight Bryan and I had a business dinner in Tulsa with a Chinese expert, my assistant, my boss and his wife, and the other professor going with us to china and his wife. It was kind of a big deal.

We practiced the toasts, the seating, the conversation. We tried many different dishes and talked about what an adventure we were about to take.

All the while, our babysitter had Bradley at the mall just ten minutes away. I thought it would be a good idea since it was bedtime and he might be fussy.

He had a good time.

For about thirty minutes. Then he cried. Then he screamed. After thirty minutes, our babysitter called us to ask if we could come pick them up.

Bryan left. I helped finish dinner and then left with Bryan, Bradley and the babysitter. After nursing Bradley, he was better.

Until after about fifteen minutes...then he lost it. Total freak out.

What got him to calm down? A pacifier, me singing and petting his head. Within thirty seconds, he was asleep.

Boom. Mama wins.

Sometimes I doubt my ability as a mother. But moments like that, I feel like I am the perfect mom for my kid. I am what he needs. I'm the Mama, and I got this!

Confessions

I think all things crocheted are ugly.

I tried spanx and it was not worth the uncomfortable squeezing to look a little skinnier.

I wish all the time that my baby would always be a baby.

I think most people with PhDs are arrogant, but I find my husband's doctoral degree incredibly sexy.

There is no such thing as too much cheese. Or too much wine. Especially when The Bachelor is on.

Bradley lately

Love the weekends

Friday night I saw the current play put on by the theatre department. It was good and a fun night out. Although, it's hard for me to find scripted comedy as funny or fresh as improvised comedy.

Yesterday we had some friends over for games and pizza. We had a great time and bradley was awesome. Bryan and I stayed up late with a bottle of wine and season one of Archer. Bryan's been into since the first episode, and finally, I'm trying to get into it!

Today, I'm cuddling bradley and watching tv while he naps and while Bryan sleeps in. Our only plans are to play with his new balls, make pork for dinner and hang out.

My baby's journey to eating food

I love food.

Clearly, in some periods of my life, I love food so much I cannot stop myself from enjoying it.

I like to cook. I like to chop. I like to bake. I like to read food blogs. I love free samples at the grocery store.

I love to eat.

My son...doesn't. I mean, he's fat so he eats. But he eats milk. And by eats I mean drinks.

Eating is tough. It's a skill. I never really thought about it. You have to learn it.

My son is learning to eat.

He's learning to taste, to swallow, to gnaw, to suck, to bite. He loves to put EVERYTHING in his mouth. It's the swallowing and actually eating that's hard.

But we're trying. We are doing purées and chunks and raw veggies and pieces of our dinner. He's learning. And trying. And still nursing. I'm ready to stop. But I can't without knowing he can eat some real food!

Luckily, tonight he liked peaches. Or at least tolerated them. And let me take pictures!

Ok, I'll tell all.

In watching Sean Tells All. I have watched many a season of The Bachelor. It's a super guilty pleasure. And I know that other ladies watch it. And you love it.

Here are some other confessions:
I routinely throw away post-it notes. Sometimes they have ToDo lists, and then I forget to do something. And then I'm mad at myself.

I clean my kitchen counters because my nanny comes for the next three days. I don't want her to think we are slobs. If she didn't come, those crumbs would still be there.

Bradley got his first $1. As the son of an economist, this is a big day. As the son of the lady whose grandmother sent it, this is awesome. Ok, moments like these are my sweet spot of mothering.

We keep trying to diet, but how the heck do you fit in exercise AND healthy dinners? I keep saying at 9pm that I'll run in the mornings but I never do. It's too col. I'm too tired. Bradley might wake up. Where are my workout clothes? My boobs hurt. It's too dark out. What if I get sore/hurt? I mean, I need to just DO IT.

The most juicy gossip I heard is actually the most relatable, heart-wrenching secret I've heard. Yikes.

And, I made a slideshow today. I needed Bryan's help because I am a fool in Powerpoint. He is a genius. Also, while he came by the office to help, he fixed the projector keyboard which has been broken for what seems like forever and finished off some cookies. That is so love.

Fat baby, meet fat baby

Bradley met a baby who was a week older than him. It was adorable, hilarious and like a mirror.

A peek into Monday night

Monday nights are the stretches before the week.

We are recovering from a weekend vacation, but it's still a normal Monday night.

Home by 5:15, play with Bradley, start dinner (tonight was leftover pasta), eat dinner, play with Bradley, Bryan runs to work, I stay home and do the bedtime thing. When Bradley's asleep, I watch the Bachelor, and I get some wine and time to myself while Bryan gets his time.

The suitcase is unpacked, thanks to Bryan.
The grocery list/menu is planned, thanks to me.
There are new books to read, thanks to grandparents.
There's a few pieces of chocolate, thanks to NCCAF.

And of course, there's silence and grown up time, thanks to Bradley who (despite all the craziness of three nights of comedy shows, two nights of party, snow and four flights) is back to his 6:30 bedtime and staying asleep. Sweet Lordy, that kid is amazing.

Life isn't all wonderful, but if I can have a weekend where I see beautiful people from all times of my life: high school friends, college buddies, dsi people, Philadelphia comedians, semi-famous instructors, mentors, idols, accomplices, crushes and new favorites; if I can have a weekend where live, totally unscripted, complete make em ups are celebrated, where one ridiculous, indie hobby of improvisation is the star; if I can perform a show (whether or not it's amazing) with the funny guy who I love in front of his parents, our friends and our fat baby; if our half a year old Bradley can handle all the craziness of an improv festival, I might need to take a moment of silence. For how awesome this weekend was,

I live in Oklahoma. But this weekend, I could've lived anywhere.

Shout out to Colette who is just as beautiful as she is in instagrams. Thanks girl, for getting dinner and watching the show with me. Loved it!

Parenting: Do What You Gotta Do

Bryan and I have always agreed that what we do just needs to fit with what we need and what we want. We began our relationship is a flurry of rumors and cold shoulders. From then, we realized it didn't matter what people thought of what we did: if we did right by ourselves, we were doing it right.

We're pretty different from our families. We moved away. We do performance comedy. We travel often. We drink in excess. We play weird games. We don't do chores. We rarely diet. We just don't care.

When we announced my pregnancy, I was pretty worried. I didn't want to be one of those people who become obsessed with their baby, their family, their boring domestic life.

When we had Bradley, I was still worried. I had become a mother. I had lost my cool card.

Or so I thought.

But I still have all my friends. I still travel. I still have my job. I still have a silly marriage. I still perform comedy. I still drink in excess. I still hate chores. I'm still me. I just have a little dude.

It was extremely important to me that I didn't lose myself in motherhood. But, what I've found is that motherhood is different things to different ladies. I had it in my lady brain that my way was the best way. And it was/is FOR ME. Some ladies want to become mothers and be first a mother. That's awesome. If that's what you want.

This has become my mantra: do what you gotta do.

Bryan loves it - especially with his anarchist, freedom-loving, relaxed life perspective. I love it because it really frees me from feeling like I have to do things a certain way and when I don't, I have failed.

Cloth diapering? Go for it. I tried it. It worked. Until it didn't. Then I switched to disposables. Now that works. Do what you gotta do.

BLW? Tried it. It's fun. I'll keep trying it. Bradley started vomitting when he got a chunk of food in his mouth. Then I switched to purees. He loved the smooth, watery way. Made my own and also bought Gerber. Do what you gotta do.

I'm nursing Bradley, but when I don't want to, I'll use formula. I don't judge, and I think it's stupid when people care about this. Are you feeding your kid? Great. Do what you gotta do.

Swaddling? Did it. Then when he started flipping, it wasn't ok to do anymore. So I stopped. But you can bet you ass I swaddled him up until the very last possible night (right before 6 months). Do what you gotta do.

Rock him to sleep? I don't do it, but I do hold him and nurse him to sleep. Am I babying him? Yep. But HE'S A BABY!!! Then he started crying as soon as I put him down, so we cried it out because I couldn't handle holding him every night for 1.5 hours. Do what you gotta do.

Parenting is hard enough. You're just guessing and checking, seeing what works, a constant experiment with ever changing variables and often wrong hypotheses. I've found that you have to trust yourself, do right by yourself, by your partner and by your kid.

I can't think about what our parents will think if we....
I can't think about what our friends will think if we....
I can't think about what our nanny will think if we....
I can't think abotu what strangers will think if we....

I need to only think about what we think is right. What's going to work best for our little family, for our little fat baby. Do what you gotta do.

That being said, the most helpful advice we've gotten in the past six months:
1) Do what you gotta do.
2) When you can't handle the crying, do the Ferber method. After three nights, he started sleeping from 7-6.
3) Be present with your kid - put the phone away and turn off the tv.
4) Go outside, go places, travel. Teach your baby to adapt to the craziness of life.
5) Take pictures. You really don't remember as well as you think you will. The pictures help!

Day in our life: 6.5 months

6:00am  Bradley wakes up making noises: get me soon while I'm cute

6:05am  I wake up and get Bradley, we change out of pajamas and into today's outfit, play around

6:45am  I need to shower, so I put Bradley in his walker while I shower (poking out to say, 'peek-a-boo' every so often so he's not bored)

7:00am  put Bradley on the couch in my room, so I can get dressed (at least pants and undershirt)

7:15am  wake up Bryan: the guys play and I do my makeup

7:30am  nurse Bradley and talk to Bryan about the day

7:45am  Our nanny arrives, we chat and say goodbye to Bradley

7:50am   Drive to work together, drop off Bryan, go park by the library

8:00am   Do my work thing: loving my job right now.

11:45am  Head home for lunch, nurse Bradley, send the nanny home for 45 minutes, play with Bradley and make some lunch.

12:30am  Nanny comes back, nurse one more time and head back to work

12:45am  Back to work: doing the job thing

5:00pm    Get the car, pick up Bryan and go home. Chat with nanny and send her home.

5:15pm    Start nursing Bradley and talking about dinner. If we're cooking, start cooking. If we're doing takeout, call it in.

5:45pm   Eat dinner with Bradley in high chair

6:20pm   Put Bradley on the floor and play with toys, sing songs

6:45pm   Bradley is rubbing his eyes: start on the bathtime, get water going, get him naked and start the bath. Play in the water for at least ten minutes.

7:00pm   Bath is over, get Bradley in his pajamas. Read 2-3 stories (my favorites are Green Eggs & Ham, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Are You My Mother?) then nurse Bradley while Bryan reads A Series of Unfortunate Events

7:30pm   He's asleep, lay him down in his crib. He moves and whines a little until he's on his belly, and we begin our alone time.

7:33pm   Start watching tv, cracking open a beer or a bottle of wine, talking, playing a board game, cleaning up dinner, relaxing

11:00pm  Say, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's already 11." Go to bed.

Bradley Douglas: 6 months

On January 26, Bradley reached his 6 month milestone. And we have been too busy lately to stop and write about it.

Today, I'm taking a half day to do a million things that need to be done before we leave for a comedy vacation, and right at the top of the list is to write this post!

Exactly on his 6 month date, he started sitting up unassisted. Like literally, the day before he couldn't do it without being propped up. Then boom, that morning, he sat without any help and only toppled once or twice (after about fifteen minutes of solid sitting). I couldn't believe it.

He's still not into rolling. He can do it, but he choose not to. Unless it's bedtime. Yes, he's sleeping on his belly now. We had to stop swaddling him, so he could have his hands free. The first night he slept on his stomach was terrifying: could he breathe? How would I know if he wasn't breathing? How did he do it? Now, it's the routine. Put him to bed, he rolls over and passes out. Stays like that until morning.

He's a pretty happy dude. But happy like Bryan is happy: never too ridiculously excited, but mostly content and silly throughout the whole day. He wakes up with smiles, happy that he's about to begin his day. He smiles when he sees me, Bryan or his nanny. It's super cute to walk in after a long day of work and see that kid drop everything he's doing to grin and start putting his hands out.

That's another thing! Probably my favorite milestone: Bradley reaches for me. And whoever else he wants (I am easily offended when he does this to strangers. C'mon kid.) But it's soooooooooo cute when he sees me and reaches up for me. I just love it.

Another thing: FOOD! Bradley has been exclusively breastfed for six months. I wasn't sure how long I would want to/be able to nurse him. Initially, I just wanted to try my best. Then my goal was 3 months. Then my goal was 6 months. Now my goal is 9 months. If I can make it to one year, I will be shocked. He eats like a grown up! He has breakfast at 7:30 before I leave for work, lunch at 11:45 and 12:30. Dinner at 5:30, and a bedtime snack at 6:30. This is all milk.

We introduced foods. We're trying baby-led weaning (giving him full pieces of food) in addition to purees. He likes some of both. His favorites: pickles, prunes, guacamole. He is apathetic about bananas, lettuce, mashed potatoes, juice. He HATES sweet potatoes. We'll keep trying to feed him. He prefers purees or things to chew on/suck on. If it is semi-pureed but still has small chunks, he will want to spit it out. Or worse, it will make him gag and then make him vomit. Not just a little, but comedy vomit: where it is so much so fast that it looks fake.

He is in 6-12 month clothes. He's too big for all his 9 month pants. He's firmly in 12 months on the bottom because of his huge thighs. He still doesn't like pants or jackets. I only buy onesies because I'm not ready for him to wear a shirt and pants like a grown up.

We stopped cloth diapering. Mostly because his thighs were too big for our one-size-fits-all diaper (liars!). He was getting really red indentation marks and fighting the diapers, so we moved to disposables. It's easier and faster, but I worry about his butt being in all the plasticy cloth. Could that be comfortable? But I'm not really up for purchasing another stash of cloth diapers or for letting him run around naked all the time, so I let that worry go.

We started having family dinners. We make our meal while Bradley sits in his high chair. We let him smell what we make, hear the sizzle and taste a few things. While we eat, we give him some food or a spoon - lately he's been loving to chew on the strap of his high chair. It's been great to talk to Bryan, to fully dedicate 30-45 minutes to family over food.

Bradley has been consistent at going to bed - AND SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! We put him to bed sometime between 6:45 and 8pm depending on how tired he is, and we've got a great routine. We see him getting sleepy, pull him into his room for some playtime, then strip him down and put him in the bath to play for 20 minutes, then put on pajamas, read 2-3 stories, then nurse while Bryan reads from A Series of Unfortunate Events (book 11 now), then put him to bed. AND THEN WE'RE JUST US AGAIN! It's beautiful. From about 8 until 11, we have regular couple time. It's amazing.

He has teeth! Two cute bottom teeth. Sharp, but he hasn't bit anybody yet!

Stats: 19.5 pounds (75%), 26.75 inches (75%) head circumfirence (75%) - all around big baby boy.

I am really loving this age. He recognizes us. He has preferences. He can laugh, smile and play peek-a-boo. He sleeps from about 7-6am everyday. Travels well. Is good with strangers. Is certainly still serious, but he's got a playful side that comes out when he feels like it.

I love my fat, serious baby. Being a mom to him is awesome.

Brain dump

My kid now sleeps from 7pm to 6am. Straight. That Ferber guy might know something.

Bryan was gone for 55 hours. It was 50 hours too many. The house is a mess. I need help! I need a partner, and I'm so glad he's home.

The mood at work is great right now! We are planning a big campus event and it's awesome. I feel challenged and busy but fulfilled. And I think the morale is high...not having a mean boss can do wonders for the office!

I might be taking a photography workshop. It's expensive, but it would be a good skill to have to capture Bradley without always using my phone or auto on my nice SLR camera.

I want to write a post about being a working mom, about Bradley at six months, about what's worked for us and what hasn't, about being a good boss, about the difficulty of being away from family.

In a week, we will return to our old stomping ground: Carrboro, North Carolina to participate in one of the biggest (and best) comedy festivals in the world. We will rock a 9pm Saturday night show and reunite with all our favorite comedians. Also Bradley will get to meet ZWjr, a future comedy duo.

And chocolate chip cookies are my weakness.

Snipits of life right now

We are introducing food to Bradley. We are skipping oatmeal and rice cereal and going right to veggies and fruits. He wasn't interested in carrots. He liked bananas. He haaaaated sweet potatoes. And today, we let him try a pickle. He LOVED it. Favorite food.

My job has become more challenging, but to be honest: I love it! I'm doing a lot more work but a lot more GOOD work. I also moved into my old boss' office and rearranges the furniture. The office feels different in layout but also environment. I have to say things are great at work.

After a rough week and a half of sleep: both guys has the flu, I was finally ready to start the Ferber method for bedtime. Last night was night two. I finished a bottle of wine and Bryan drank a six pack, but we did it!

We had three diapers left this morning. Clearly we need to shop.

My nanny is unavailable next Monday. Bryan is out of town, so I called around. My two back up babysitters are in class. So I called the nanny's mom. Boom.