Pregnancy Update: 38 Weeks

How Big is Baby: pumpkin, 18 inches, 6-8 lbs
How Far Along: 38 Weeks

Weight Gain: 34 pounds. 1 pound gain this week. I did it. I stayed under 35 pounds!

Sleeping: I can't stay asleep. I'm awake thinking about the baby, about the room, about whether I should get up to pee or wait a little longer. And I'm snoring. It's not pretty.

Food Cravings: sweets like brownies, cookies, cake, pudding

Food Aversions: none

Symptoms: 
swollen feet - what else is new?
lack of appetite - I'll eat because I have to, but it's not a huge priority for me
gas - ugh

Doctor's Appointment: I have one today (Wednesday) at 1:30. After a seemingly regular checkup, she sent me straight to the hospital due to high blood pressure, protein in my urine and my swelling. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia where the only cure is delivery of the baby.  So off we went.

Movement: He's active. I know I'll miss this the most when I'm not pregnant.

Gender: Boy. Still no name. Deciding between a long list now that the top name is out.

Best Moment of the Week: presenting my report for the fall 2012 enrollment: I successfully recruited the largest cohort of new international students at NSU ever. Booyah.

What I'm Looking Forward to: seeing what our baby looks like!

What I Did/Got For Baby: We packed up our bags and put them in the car. Bryan installed the car seat in the car. We made a double batch of cheesecake ice cream (super important that I get calcium, you know?). We cleaned the whole house and started cleaning the garage.

What I Learned This Week: Life is crazy unpredictable!!

Now and Then

I love my grandmother. Awhile back, I posted this photo of her from 1966.

She was nine months pregnant with her first born, my mom.


The other night, we recreated the picture in 2012.

I am nine months pregnant with my first born.

Pregnancy Update: 37 Weeks

How Big is Baby: winter melon, 19-21 inches, about 6-8 pounds

How Far Along: 37 weeks - FULL TERM!

Weight Gain: 33 pounds. 1 pound gained this week. I may actually stay under 35 pounds! How did I do it? I have no idea, man.

Sleeping: I am sleeping pretty well. I go to bed around 11 or 12 and sleep until morning with anywhere from two to six pee breaks throughout the night. I love naps, and I've been taking one every day now. I'm also great at sleeping in!

Food Cravings: wine! rare steak, Kraft mac-n-cheese

Food Aversions: fast food, nothing else really

Symptoms:
Swollen feet/ankles: But what else is new?

Braxton Hicks contractions: Getting ready for the big day!

Fatigue: naps and sleep are my favorite pastimes

Thirst: I drink water a lllllll day long

Doctor's Appointment: I saw my midwife on Monday. My 24 hour urine sample was perfect, my blood draws were great and my weight gain is right on track (if a little under). My blood pressure was high at 140/92, but she isn't too concerned since we're getting so close to the end - and since there's no other symptoms.

I have a visit on Friday, too, to see if my blood pressure has stayed the same, gone down or risen. She predicts I'll have my baby before my due date.

Movement: Baby has been moving less, probably because there's less room in there. He still loves some dub step music, especially PantyRaid's Get the Money. So weird! I can feel him very low, and I know he's ready to make an exit soon! He is still most active at 10:30 at night. I'm so curious to see if this continues outside the womb.

Gender: Boy. Two of my friends recently had babies and BOTH of them named them one of my top two names. I'm not sure if this is a coincidence or if this is a trend. Either way, I'm leaning toward the other name. But then again, I feel no need to name my son before he is born. I think when I see him, I'll know. And if I don't, then, well...we can worry about that then.

Best Moment of the Week: Our spontaneous trip to Tulsa. After spending three days on bed rest and getting skinny, skinny ankles, I was dying to leave the house. So we made the trip and did what we do best: shopped. We walked the mall, we bought a new computer (you know, so we can edit baby video and baby pictures), some things for the nursery, some things for me, some special candy from the candy store (can you get sugar-covered coke bottles anywhere else?), some Firehouse subs (I'm addicted!) and just wandered around at our own pace. Because we can. And we won't be able to anytime soon after the baby comes.

Side note: my feet blew up, so it really probably was our last trip to Tulsa until we've got a baby. Although, the Dark Knight comes out this weekend...and I'd love to see it in iMax. We'll see how the weekend goes.

What I'm Looking Forward to: seeing our baby. I want to see him and hold him and bring him home to his cute cute nursery!

What I've Got/Did for Baby: All his newborn (all four outfits) and 0-3 months clothes, his blankets, his burp cloths, his sheets, his changing pad cover, his stuffed animals, his socks have all been washed. In special fragrant-free detergent on delicate. And then folded and put away. It's so surreal to have his room ready to go!

We also finished up the registries and bought the remaining items: the bumbo seat, the pack-n-play, the diaper pail (please baby, don't poop too much), some organizers, some owl toys, an owl activity thing and a mobile (we're making our own....pictures to come - it was Bryan's idea!). I even kicked Bryan and his Diablo out of the nursery, and we set up a new computer game station (with the new computer) so baby won't have to listen to his dad killing demons.

What I Learned This Week: We are quickly running out of lazy weekends in bed and wandering around malls. This is getting real. Too real. It's happening too fast. I feel like just yesterday I was 30 weeks pregnant. These last 7 weeks have gone by too fast!

Look at me!

Every week, Bryan takes a picture of me and my belly. Sometimes he won't stop even after I'm done posing.

Let me share this picture he took of me as I was walking up to grab the SD card.

Can I be vain for a second? I think I look cute. I barely look pregnant from the front! I love the curves.

It's hard to feel beautiful when you're this big and pregnant, but I like this. I also like that my owl slippers made it into the shot.

Pregnancy Update: 36 Weeks

How Big is Baby: honeydew, 18 inches, about 5 pounds

How Far Along: 36 weeks

Weight Gain: 32 pounds. No gain this week. I've been eating well, but shouldn't baby have gained something this week??

Sleeping: I slept pretty horribly while Bryan was gone, but since Monday night, I've slept soooooooo well. I sleep through the whole night, and I only wake up once to pee!

Food Cravings: sweets. cookies!

Food Aversions: fast food (even the sight of it on tv makes me gross)

Symptoms:
Swollen feet/ankles/calves - This is really concerning. I've had swollen feet since Sunday night. I hate it, and it's awful to walk. I am walking on balloons.

BH Contractions - Infrequent, but more often.

Pelvic Pain - Sometimes there is a shooting pain down there.

Doctor's Appointment: I had one today. My midwife is worried. She wanted to put me on bedrest, but with three people recently quitting, I just can't! I begged and begged, and she has now mandated half days starting on Monday.

She was really worried about my swelling. Even though I have no other symptoms of pre-eclampsia (my blood pressure is fine, there's no protein in my urine, my bloodwork is great, and my weight gain has been steady/not there), she says it could happen at any time. So we're looking out for me. I'm doing another 24 hour urine sample, another ultrasound (check on the baby) and more frequent appointments.

I also got the prediction that she thinks I won't make it to my due date. I'm scared (and emotional about this), but Bryan is excited. He wants this baby now. I'm not ready, and I'm feeling so overwhelmed that I'm just scared. I don't know if I can handle being a mom!

Movement: Baby moves a lot, and he loves to move at times when I feel lonely. It's sweet to have a baby with me all the time. I will miss this part of pregnancy, the rolls and the quiet kicks. One thing that's super cute is that the baby will move to the side that Bryan's on. I love this! I think he's the favorite already. How can I compete?

Gender: Boy. Damn, we need to choose a name. I am tired of people suggesting names. This week, I got "Bryan Jr." or "Junior" or "Bryant" or "Bryson." Okay, we know the names we're thinking of, and those aren't them. You know it.

Best Moment of the WeekI: Picking up Bryan from the airport and having him home. There's nothing more comforting than having someone to snuggle or waking up to someone. I love that.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Nothing right now. I'm scared of the tests, of the results, of everything. I'm just not there.

What I've Got for Baby: Bryan's mom bought a bunch of cute onesies for the baby while Bryan was home with her. I wish I could've been there for the shopping, but I'm glad Bryan and his mom got to have some sweet memories picking out cute clothes for the baby. I know that baby will know how much he is loved.

What I've Learned this Week: Swelling isn't good. Even if you are eating well, drinking LOTS of water, resting with your feet up and have good blood pressure, your body could still kick out a baby. Thankfully, I'm 9 months pregnant now. I've got a full-term baby. He could use some more time, obviously, and I'm hoping he stays in as long as possible, but I am thankful that we will have a healthy baby.

Geez. I'm overwhelmed.

ouchie mommy

I'm so uncomfortable. It's not my growing belly.

It's my feet. I'm simultaneously embarrassed and proud. They're disgustingly swollen. But they're incredibly swollen. Who could believe this?

I have yo blog this in case I get any ideas that I had a symptom-free pregnancy.

My feet got it bad this pregnancy. I'm gonna check my blood pressure after work. It's scary. And at my appointment on Thursday, I'll tell the doctor and show these pictures.

Yuck.

And slightly amazing. How are they so swollen??

Perspective

This morning, I noticed my hair was growing quickly and it took me a little longer to blow dry. This morning, Bryan's mom was deciding if the hair loss was significant enough to start wearing her wig again. This morning, I'm at the doctors with my (unborn) son to check up on my health. My appointment will take at most an hour. This morning, mom is at the hospital with her grown son for treatment. They will be there all day. Life can be so contrary, and my current situation is both sweet and heartbreaking. I was really hoping for a boy in this pregnancy, for a chance for mom to see her son have a son, to relive all the memories of raising Bryan, for me to try to raise a son like she did. I can only hope that I am as good a mother to my son as she is to Bryan.

Pregnancy Update: 35 Weeks

How Big is Baby: coconut, 17-19 inches, 4-6lbs
How Far Along: 35 Weeks

Weight Gain: 32 pounds. Three pounds this week. Perhaps it was all the ice cream,  but maybe it's all baby. We'll see what the midwife thinks...at this point, I'm over caring. I'm big and I'm pregnant. Shove it.

Sleeping: Besides last night (where I got only 4 hours of sleep and no middle of the night bathroom trips), I've been sleeping well. I'm hot, and I can barely stand the sheet. We have the A/C set to 72, the overhead fan on and a little box fan next to my side of the bed. I wake up anywhere from two to six times a night to pee. It's getting old.

Food Cravings: I've been craving ice cream. All. The. Time.

Food Aversions: nothing really

Symptoms:
Swollen feet - I can't escape this. I rest them, I drink water and I try to make them go away.

BH Contractions - I get them, and actually, as I'm typing, I'm having one right now. It's the perfect excuse to practice my breathing techniques and meditation.

Fatigue - I am sooooooooooooo tired. If I get lots of sleep, I'm still sleepy. I need naps, and lots of 'em.

Doctor's Appointment: I've got one tomorrow morning. My weekly appointments begin. I also begin to have internal checks.

Movement: Baby is rolling around like a cute baby. He loves the night time. I can't wait to see him move outside of me.

Gender: Boy.

Best Moment of the Week: Probably last night. We bailed on a party early so we could go home and watch Alien and stay up late talking about politics, religion, ethics and philosophy until the early morning hours. I love that we can still talk  (or not talk) for hours.

What I'm Looking Forward To: My spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa day tomorrow. I'm spending the whole day at the spa with a massage and an hour long pedicure (what will they do to my feet for an hour??). I'm also going to lunch at PF Changs and then wandering home to relax all weekend long.

What I've Got for Baby: Nothing really. I plan to wash some of his clothes and his sheets. Can you believe it's that time?

What I've Learned this Week: What could be a challenge can turn into opportunity.

Pregnancy: a review

Since I'm nearing the end, let me share my feelings about this pregnancy.

FIRST TRIMESTER
I took my pregnancy test, showered and expected a negative. I remember standing naked staring and crying at the test. I woke Bryan and we couldn't believe it.

I felt little nausea, never vomitted and felt cute gaining a little weight. At the time, I thought I had a bump. It is clear to me that I didn't. I felt great.

We shared the news with my parents over skype by mailing a package with a Clemson onesie. We shared the news with Bryan's family during a family photo shoot. There were no dry eyes. We shared our news on facebook with a video.

We definitely had the most "what the heck did we do" moments. We were more scared than excited. But this baby was important. This baby was a signal to the future, that there is a future, that there is hope.

The first trimester was the best. I was still skinny, I had an awesome little secret, and I could indulge in some extra calories without too much guilt. I felt so much like myself, and I really had no idea what I was in for.

SECOND TRIMESTER
This trimester took forever. We shared the news of our baby's sex on facebook.

I went to China. My feet started swelling and never really stopped. Standing all day, being in heels and spending 14+ hours in a plane made it worse.

I craved fruits and baked goods. I liked eating tortilla chips with chocolate.

I started weighing more than I ever have in my whole life.


We painted the baby's nursery, bought his furniture, a ton of baby clothes, baby gear and registered for everything else.

We still didn't know what to name him.

I slept all the time. I fell asleep at 10 every night.

I started wearing maternity clothes all the time. I really liked the way my body was changing, and I was in love with my curvy body, including the baby bump.

We had two showers for the baby, and we were amazed by all the generosity of our friends and family.

I felt his first movements, and Bryan felt a few, too.

The second trimester took forever to pass, and I think it was not as wonderful as all the books and the internet say. I certainly was tired and swollen. Yes, I wasn't that big, but it really wasn't as easy as I was hoping for. I felt like myself, but I was fighting big, fat feet and trying not to fall asleep.


THIRD TRIMESTER

I have been so tired after work, or any continuous activity. I like to end my days laying on the couch.

I crave sweet baked goods all the time.

I see the doctor almost weekly, and I am getting more blood drawn, more weigh ins, more measurements than ever. Sometimes I feel like a science experiment.

As the due date approaches, I worry about how work will handle my absence, if everything will be taken care of during my leave. I hired a personal assistant who will handle the daily operations and save the big things for my return.

I freaked out about my nutrition, and I changed my ways. I stopped eating Kraft mac-n-cheese and Cap'n Crunch. I now eat Cheerios with yogurt, salads, protein heavy dinners with lots of veggies, lots of watermelon snacks.

I can only wear maternity clothes.

I got my first stretch marks. I got stuck in the couch for the first time.

The third trimester has been flying by, and maybe that's because there's still lots to go. I feel like myself only I have a giant belly and I like to sit down after awhile.

Bryan claims I'm still sexy and cute, though it's hard to feel like it sometimes. I like the way I look in dresses.

I have a few realistic fears, and I fear the impending labor and delivery, and I really enjoy thinking about when my baby will come and how. Mostly, I'm excited to see what he looks like!

Pregnancy Update: 34 Weeks

How Big is Baby: Honeydew, 17.2-18.7 inches, 4-6 lbs
How Far Along: 34 Weeks

Weight Gain: 29 pounds. Two pounds this week. I am hoping it's the baby gaining. I am really not ready to see the 3 in front of another number. I haven't ever gained this much weight. Thankfully, I was talking to my aunt over the weekend, and she says that twenty pounds come off within a month. The last bits are the parts you have to work off - and that I don't mind. I have been dreaming about running and doing Jillian Michaels and getting skinny. I want that.

Sleeping: I sleep lots, but I'm always tired. I need more sleep. I wake up at least twice a night to pee, so it's interupting my sleep. I could use a daily nap, but there's never enough time.

Food Cravings: sour candy, cold water and fajitas with fresh salsa. I'm making a bowl of salsa with a whole tomato, half a jalapeno, a little bit of onion and some fresh lime juice and then DEVOURING it at least twice this week.

Food Aversions: pizza

Symptoms:
Crazy swollen feet - This has been my worst symptom. And of course, it's still here. I can't make it past lunch without seeing major swelling. I have been very worried about it, but my blood pressure is normal (and well within the healthy range) and my water intake is good. There also hasn't been any protein in my urine, so we're good. Except for the fat feet!!

Frequent urination - It came! All pregnancy I've somehow maintained my ability to hold my urine for several hours at a time even while consuming ridiculous amounts of water. It happens at work, about every two hours, and while I'm sleeping, anywhere from two to five times a night. It happens at home, especially, maybe because my body knows my bathroom is clean and so close.

Increase in breast size - my breasts are huge! I've always been famous for having great cleavage, and prior to my pregnancy, I'd say I had the perfect rack: 34DD. Well, now things are just ridiculous. I bought a new bra over the weekend (after my size didn't come in the store) from an awesome nursing bra company Bravado (expensive, but the best in the biz) in my new size. Are you ready for it? Sit down. It's ridiculous: 36G. What?!

Fear - I was afraid in the early pregnancy, and then it became a cute idea and exciting and mildly terrifying. Now, I'm realistic and scared - and the birth is so close that it seems reasonable to be scared!

Doctor's Appointment: I get the week off! I did so well that I can have a week to myself. Next week begins my weekly appointments (for real) and internal checks. I am hoping for nothing too crazy. I'm not ready yet for a baby!!

Movement: He's been moving a lot more lately. He's huge. I can feel him from my ribs to my pelvis. Often when I am sitting, I can feel some serious movement in my pelvis, often he'll push against my bladder. His feet move around, and I love feeling it. My favorite is when he sticks his butt out.

Gender: Boy. And we still don't know the name.

Best Moment of the Week: Finding out that my swelling isn't bad - that it's more than most pregnant women, but it's not coming with excessive weight gain, high blood pressure or protein in my urine. Things are good. Whew.

What I'm Looking Forward To: This weekend of relaxing. I have no plans, only relaxing on the docket.

What I've Got for Baby: This week, I bought a blood pressure machine. It's more for me than for baby, but if the blood pressure is too high, I have to go straight to the hospital. It's so comforting to see that my blood pressure is great. Also, we picked a pediatrician and did a hospital tour. Baby also got a head start on bedtime stories thanks to Bryan's reading of Lemony Snicket.

What I've Learned This Week: Nurses don't like birth plans. Even though the internet loves to recommend them, the nurses at the hospital I will deliver say they laugh at any mom who comes in with one and joke to each other that it will end in a c-section.

They tell me this as I'm holding a printed version of mine...which I sneakily folded in half and threw into my purse saying, "Oh, yes, that's so ridiculous, those moms with birth plans."

I will share my plan with Bryan, so he can be in the know and help make sure things go as best as they can. I want the drugs, I want to try lots of positions and I want my baby on me immediately after birth. Other than that, let's do it how it happens.

Feel the pressure

So my doctor has been watching my blood pressure. In the doctor's office it has been normal, but that one day it was scary. So I'm on watch. If its higher than 160/90, I have to go immediately to the hospital.

Today my feet were swelling so I went to Walmart. My first reading:



Not great!

Then I say quietly and tried again.



Better.

We were a little worried that the machine wasn't great...an that walking from the parking lot to the back of Walmart to test may have elevates my blood pressure.

So we bought a blood pressures chime.
Here's the reading after lunch:



So great! Whew.

To be ire it wasn't a fluke good reading, I took it again (and all the girls in my office):



Awesome! And it was better than everyone else. Little pregnant me: best blood pressure. Yes!!

I am happy to have this machine. I can use it whenever we are worried. For now, I can rest knowing I'm fine!

Life as I know it

This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. Even though I slept from 11:30 until 7:30, I was still tired. My shower didn't wake me. Breakfast didn't wake me. Chelsea Lately didn't wake me. But I pulled on my pants and my shoes (well, I needed Bryan's help for the sneakers) and got my butt to work.



Even though I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

At lunch today, I'm checking my blood pressure at WalMart (how Tahlequah of me) to make sure everything's good. I think it is, but yesterday's evening swelling didn't go down much after putting up my feet and sleeping, so I'm slightly worried.

I think Bryan is ready for the baby to be here more than I am. I'm excited to put the baby in all the cute clothes I got and to see what he looks like and to cuddle him and to learn what that whole "new baby smell" is all about, but I'm honestly a little terrified.

What if he cries all the time? What if he just won't stop pooping, peeing, spitting up and all kinds of other nasty stuff? What if I turn into one of those annoying people who only talk about their kid? What if he likes Bryan more than me? What if Bryan likes him more than me? What if I cry all the time? What if I don't lose the weight? What if my face doesn't go back to being skinny? What if he hates my Moby wrap?

I know I'm a crazy person for thinking of all this stuff, and that everyone says my instincts will kick in. But let's be honest: I'm a young, wild lady. No one has ever let me hold their baby for long, and I can barely keep up with my own laundry, dishes and taking out the trash. How I am supposed to handle motherhood?

This kid is sure to have an interesting life growing up with me and Bryan has his parents. But am I going to have an interesting life with a kid? I mean, we've talked about kids and how we want them since we were dating, but now that it's almost a reality, I'm freaking out a little.

(This has to be normal, right??)

I'm thankful that my baby is six weeks from his due date, two weeks from his safe date.

But it is slightly terrifying when all of my yogurt's expiration dates are later than my kid's due date.

Career, Babies and Marriage

The internet is somewhat blowing up over this recent article by the controversial Penelope Trunk.

She tells the world to get pregnant at 25 if you want a high-powererd career.

Well, I happen to be 25, pregnant and desiring of a high-powered career. I just had my 25th birthday, and I am in my mid-twenties now. I'm very pregnant, and I see myself as the director of some department on a university or college campus in my forties.

Clearly, I had to read this article.

Here are some highlights:
I loved that women are coming forward to say that it is literally impossible to have a high-powered career while you have young kids, if you want to be involved in your kids’ lives. The best thing older women can do for younger women right now is to tell the truth. It’s hard to tell the truth because if you are trying to do the high-powered job and the kids, you will kill your career by admitting that it’s impossible.

But here’s the truth for women: You should not plan your life so that you work until you’re 30 and then have kids, and also have a huge career. Because you will be taking care of kids during the very time when all the men you worked with are working harder and longer hours than ever before. Men who have kids are in a great position to climb the ladder. They have wives at home. Women cannot go full speed ahead until the kids are grown up. Slaughter has great evidence for this. But you should be able just to look around and see that this truth. My favorite example: All the male Supreme Court Justices have families. Two of the three women do not. And the one who does, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, did not start her career until her kids were grown.

Slaughter lays out a great plan. It’s tucked into the article, among a lot of other calls to action. But she says, if you want to have a huge career, have kids when you are 25 so your kids will be grown when you are 45, because there will still be time to have a huge career.

This also means women will need to start dating men who are older than they are. This also seems like a good idea. Men, of course, love younger women. But more than that, women who are in their twenties are in their prime in terms of self-confidence. They are physically very desirable, and they are doing better at work than men. Men, on the other hand, are at their nadir of self-confidence in their twenties. They are not making money, which is something that is very valuable on the dating scene. And they are not doing as well as women at work. Men look way better in their 30s when the women have left the workplace and the men have a more solid grip on their earning power.

So look. Here’s my first post directed solely at Generation Z women: Spend the years from age 20-25 focused on getting married. There is no evidence that doing well in school during that period of your life will get you worthwhile benefits. There is no evidence that waiting longer than 25 makes a better marriage. And there is not evidence that women who do a great job early in their career can bank on that later in their career. There is evidence, though, that women who focus on marriage have better marriages. There is evidence that women who have kids earlier have healthier kids, and there is evidence, now, that women who have grown children by age 45 do better at getting to the top in the workforce than all other women with kids.

You can bet I'm forwarding this article to my two (younger) sisters.

Pregnancy Update: 33 Weeks

How Big is Baby: honeydew, 17.2-18.5 inches, 4-5 pounds

How Far Along: 33 Weeks, just 49 days to go!

Total Weight Gain: 27 pounds. Two pounds this week. I wonder how my midwife will feel about the gain. I think it's normal. If baby is gaining, I should be gaining! I'm eating well, salads and protein and veggies when I can. I'm eating lots of yogurt and fruit.

Sleeping: I slept a LOT this week. Over the weekend, we clocked a minimum of 10 hours each night. I took a two hour nap yesterday, and I have been getting about 8 hours of sleep each night. I am waking at least once a night to pee, but otherwise, I am sleeping great.

Food Cravings: baked goods! It took everything in me not to bake cookies last night. I have all the ingredients for my favorite: chocolate chip. I am trying to wait to see what the doctor thinks of my weight gain before I indulge in a good dozen of those.

Food Aversions: hamburgers, cheeseburgers, chicken sandwiches. I want my meat without bread and without any dressings or toppings.

Symptoms:
Swollen Feet - just this weekend. If I stand or walk too much, they will balloon up. The past two days, they've actually stayed normal. Last night, I was telling Bryan, "Look at my beautiful skinny ankles!" I can't wait to have skinny ankles all the time again. Never again will I take my skinny ankles for granted!

Repeat Meals - I have had three spaghetti lunch or dinners over the past three days. Sunday and Monday, I made fajitas - exactly the same way. I think it's partly the ease of making it, but I also enjoy eating the same thing if I enjoyed it the first time. Sadly, poor Bryan does not. He's stocked up on pizza, so he can avoid my meal repeats.

Cuddly - I just want to be touched and cuddled and pet all the time. Most of the time, I have to tell Bryan, dude, stop petting my hair! But lately, I'm like, pet my hair, rub my back, kiss me, come spoon me. I just love feeling touched right now. I don't know if it's purely physical or if it's psychological (as in, I'm subconsciously nevous that his love won't be able to be shared between me and the new guy).

Doctor's Appointment: Tomorrow. I'm most anxious to hear what she says about my gain. 27 pounds doesn't seem that much to me! I'm aiming for under 35, and I think I can do it. I also want to know if my blood pressure is still good and that my swelling is under control.

Movement: I can feel body parts. I know that he's still head down because when he moves his feet, I can feet a slight adjustment in my pelvis of his head. I can feel his spine, his butt (my favorite part to feel stick out), his legs and his arms. I haven't felt a foot or a hand specifically, but I think that's coming soon.

At night, we'll watch tv and I can count on him to tell me when it's 10:15 because that's when he moves. We will just hold our hands on my stomach and feel him move. It's really cute because if Bryan talks, the baby will move to whatever side Bryan is on and stick his legs out. Baby doesn't kick me, but if Bryan is talking and puts his hand on my stomach, the baby will kick Bryan. It's really cute.

Gender: Still a boy. We're back to wanting to name him my original name. I really like this name because we know two great guys who are named this, and we'd like to think he'll grow up to be as awesome as them. Also, our waitress at the steakhouse thinks it's a better name than our other top choice.

Choice #1 is a solid, traditional name. Choice #2 is a fancy, strong name. I just don't know. I think I like the first name best; it was my first instinct after Braden (which is not happening). I think if he looks like me or is really fat when he's born, he'll be a Choice #1. If he has a lot of hair and is fashionably weighted (6-7 pounds), he'll be a Choice #2. WHY IS NAMING A PERSON SO HARD?!

Best Moment of the Week: goofing around in IKEA. We ate breakfast there before shopping, and the whole three hours we were there was a lot of fun. It reminds me of our first year of marriage because we would go all the time. Just making jokes, pretending we could design a house, picking out rooms for now, picking out living rooms for when we have teenagers, picking out rooms for when we're old people. And then it's fun to look at all the cheap housewares and baby toys.

What I'm Looking Forward To: my appointment tomorrow. The suspense is killing me!

What I've Learned This Week: Lots! But the most cool was about Christopher Columbus. Back in 1492, when he sailed the ocean blue, he was looking for black pepper in India. Well, he never found it because he didn't land in India. He did find something awesome: red veggies that we call chile peppers. He called them peppers because he didn't want to disappoint his sugar mama The Queen. He was like, "I couldn't find black pepper, but I found this more awesome red pepper!" That sly explorer.

Pregnancy Update: 31 weeks

How Big is Baby: pineapple, 15.5-16.5 inches, 2.5-3.5 pounds
How Far Along: 31 Weeks - just 63 days to go!

Total Weight Gain: 25 pounds. I didn't gain any weight this week. While this seems to be normal for my pregnancy gain (gain, no gain, gain), it is bizarre this late in the pregnancy when I should be gaining a pound a week. I'll take it.

Sleeping: I'm back to getting up once a night to pee. Though I have been also getting up for water or food. I will wake up starving! Or so thirsty. Which is quite annoying since I am terrified of the dark and our bedroom is so far from the kitchen, so I have to turn on the hall light, then the living room light, then the kitchen light in order to cross through all the rooms.

I flip sides all night long, and Bryan says some nights I have trouble breathing. I don't notice, but I think it scares him if it wakes him. Still not snoring! Thank goodness!!
Food Cravings: Sweets. I ate leftover waffles toasted again with ice cream. That was incredible. I also had a candy bar with Cheetos. I made chocolate chip cookies last night because it was my birthday but also because I really wanted some warm cookies.

Food Aversions: Keep me away from peanut butter. Yuck. I used to eat peanut butter and English muffins for breakfast everyday, but I'm so over it. Peanut butter is grossing me out.

Symptoms: What's crazy is all the crazy ones from last week are gone this week.

Emotional - I am a ball of emotions. Tears will flow over almost anything. I wanted onion rings from Sonic and chocolate chip cookies from Subway. Bryan said I had to choose, and I just lost it. I stood there crying. The choice was too much. I cried when I saw a Pampers commercial. I bawled like a baby on Sister Wives when Mary talked about her miscarriage and infertility. I weeped when I saw presents when I got home from work yesterday. I started crying when Bryan made me think he forgot my birthday. Then I really cried when he had me open my present and it was so beautiful and way sweeter than anything I could have asked for. I cried again this morning when my whole office, boss, students, colleagues and friends showed up with cake and sang to me. WHAT IS HAPPENING!? EMOTIONS!

Feet Swelling - Again with the swollen feet. I did drink two Dr. Peppers today...but it's my birthday! I wanted a refill at lunch and now my ankles and feet are twice the size they were this morning. I swear I have stretch marks on my feet from all the swelling and none on my belly. wtf?

Doctor's Appointment: Next Thursday.

Movement: I can tell that he's bigger. I feel him from under my ribs down to the bottom of my belly. I can feel his spine and a head/butt. Bryan also identified these big moves along my belly as a leg or an arm. He's most active from 10-11:30pm and it's so adorable. We'll be watching tv and Bryan will just rest his hand on my stomach and marvel at our crazy kid. I love feeling him move. I love it!

Gender: Boy. And we're back to the name we originally decided on. Geez, this is nuts.

Best Moment of the Week: my birthday. Last night, Bryan tricked me that he didn't know what today was and that he hadn't bought me anything. I started crying and he took me back to the bedroom where he had hidden my present. A beautifully wrapped box (that I thought was chocolate) which held the most beautiful pearl bracelet. I couldn't believe it. I cried because it was beautiful, because he remembered and because I was so silly to think he'd forgotten.

Today, he got me a donut for breakfast from the donut shop. When I got to work, my student worker brought me flowers paid for by my boss (who is normally not appreciative since he's a gruff man). An hour later, my assistant came to work with a big cheesecake and a candle and had several students, the ESL teachers, the student workers and my boss (again, what?) singing Happy birthday to me. I couldn't believe it. It was beautiful. And then for an hour, we sat in my office eating cheesecake hanging out. The best way to start the day.

At lunch, we went to my favorite steakhouse where they comped our meal since it was my birthday. Bryan made me laugh so loudly that we got stares. I returned to work to find more sweet notes from my Japanese and Chinese recruits, a few small presents and a neopolitan cupcake from a local bakery. I feel so loved despite being so far from my family and East Coast friends. Maybe my life here is sweeter than I realize.

It's been a wonderful birthday so far, especially since my expectations were so low. My parents sent me some presents, and Bryan is planning a trip to Dallas next weekend for my birthday where we'll take two cooking classes together as my present! I'm so excited. I've always wanted to do this, and I'm so glad we get to do it before the baby comes and limits our ability to travel.

What I'm Looking Forward To: the baby, really. I feel like I'm not ready, but I am looking forward to meeting him. It's driving me crazy to know what he will look like, what color his hair will be, what kind of baby he'll be and if he will look like me or like Bryan.

What I've Got For Baby: Nothing. You little baby are done getting things! haha

What I've Learned this Week: That I'm luckier than I thought. That I'm more loved than I realized. That Oklahoma might not be as bad as I make it out to be. I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends, family and colleagues. My work people did an amazing job making me feel so loved. And my boss, who normally is not known for his friendly or warm demeanor, really made me feel special today. I'm happy. So happy.

Pregnancy Update: 30 Weeks

How Big is Baby: cucumber, 15.5-16.5 inches, 2.5 to 3.5 pounds
How Far Along: 30.5 weeks

Can we just stop and think about this? 30+ weeks. I have less than 10 weeks left in this pregnancy. I'm shocked. I'm freaking out. I'm excited. It feels so real, so close now that I'm in the 30s of my weeks.

Total Weight Gain: 25 pounds. I am trying not to care. It's hard not to think about how much extra weight there is, and how large my belly is. I am so quick to mention that I'm pregnant because I don't want people to think I'm just fat. I'm pregnant!

Let's just be proud of me for my only one pound weight gain over the past week and a half. I've really cut back on soda - in fact, I can't remember my last one. On the planes, I ordered water!

Sleeping: I'm sleeping not so well. This week has been rough. I can't get comfortable because my back or my hips will ache or my hand will fall asleep or I'll feel so freaking hot that I think I'm going to die even when I take off all my clothes and flip my pillow and sheet until I get the cold side. I don't wake much to pee, but I wake to switch sides and get comfortable. It's quite annoying.

Food Cravings: I haven't really craved anything. I enjoy chugging cold water and eating small bowls of ice cream. I am surprised that I haven't had any weird cravings.

Food Aversions: Not a huge fan of Asian food right now. I can eat whatever, though. I'm not nearly as picky as I thought I'd be.

Symptoms: This is probably a section that will be TMI for most. Please discontinue reading until the next section if you aren't curious about my body. I will italicize and put it all to the right, so you can easily identify when this section is over.

I'm not gonna leave this out because I want to be very honest about my pregnancy for myself (I love reading old entries) and my lady friends. Here we go:

Leaky Nipples

It happened. My doctor has been talking about this for weeks, and I haven't had anything. It isn't much but it's a few drops here and there. One of my tees actually had a leak-through moment. I bought nursing pads when we were in Tulsa two weekends ago, and I tried them out. I'm not leaking out or leaking often or leaking much, but the pads were nice to have. It's pretty weird.

Constipation

As if this week couldn't get more embarrassing. Or difficult. The night Bryan found me on the floor, I had been trying to have a movement for an hour. I was crying because I couldn't and because it was painful to be so...full. I haven't had any other issues since that night, but it was a horrible night. I was so embarrassed.


To be very frank, I haven't had a movement in three days. It's so frustrating, but I'm trying to stay calm. 

Emotional

This week I have been emotional. Crying and feeling emotions bigger than I'm used to. I hope this is temporary. I don't enjoy all the crying.

Doctor's Appointment: In two weeks. I should've had one in a week, but my coworker is out of town - and frankly, I'm tired of going all the time. So I scheduled mine an extra week later.

Movement: He is moving lots. Apparently in a few weeks, his movement will decrease. I will miss that. I love feeling him move. He likes to stick his butt out. Or his head. I'm terrible because I can't tell which is which. And he's still not doing any violent kicks or jabs like many moms talk about. He's just readjusting or moving around. He's a sweet little baby.

Gender: Boy. And we still don't know a name. It's tough. Poor Bryan has gotten to the point that he doesn't care anymore. He says I get to pick. Which only makes the pressure too much for me to pick. How can we possibly choose a perfect name? If it was a girl, we would've known right away. A boy? Seriously? It has to be a cute name for a baby, for a kid, for a teenager, and for a man. We're running out of time to choose!

Best Moment of the Week: last weekend. Or well Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We had the best time being lazy and watching tv and sleeping in and taking naps and making lazy meals. I just love my weekends with Bryan. We are at the sweetest point in our marriage. Easily the most comfortable, most sweet time in our relationship. I don't know if this is our way of preparing for the craziness about to come or if this is our reward for having a crazy six years together or what, but I love it.

What I'm Looking Forward To: this weekend. I'm hoping to do the same: sleep in, play games, be lazy and hang out with Bryan. So far, so good: laziness all day long.

What I've Got for Baby This Week: absolutely nothing. That's right, baby. You've got enough! And with my birthday coming up, I am hoping to receive nothing for the baby. I want my one last non-mom birthday to be full of me presents. We'll see...

What I've Learned This Week:

Recruitment: 65% of all Chinese applicants need to study at an English language program before enrolling in undergrad studies

Husband: He's sweeter and more sympathetic than I remembered. He's handled my emotions and my changes way better than I thought. He is so sweet.

Pregnancy: I'm almost there. Less than 70 days. I can't believe that at most it will be less than 11 weeks until I have my son. It's simultaneously terrifying and exciting.

Pregnancy Update: 29 Weeks

How Big is Baby: somewhere between 15 and 16.7 inches
How Far Along: 29 Weeks, when I hit 30 weeks I will freak out.

Total Weight Gain: 24 pounds. Which is one pound more than last week, but one pound less than Friday's visit. The weight gain scare on Friday really did freak me out. I was embarrassed, mostly. And frustrated because I actually have been eating well.

The doctor was pleased to see that I lost a pound over the weekend, and she says we will monitor this. BUT I'm allowed to have soda again. With moderation. Which means 3 a week. That is do-able.

Sleeping: I wake in the middle of the night occasionally just out of discomfort (still no middle of the night peeing!!) to switch sides. I love naps on the weekends, and I'm in bed before midnight almost every night.

Side note about snoring: I may have cured myself. After being totally embarrassed (and possibly because of my reduced swelling), I think I have eliminated snoring. For the nights after I started snoring, I tried to listen for my own snoring and stop it when I heard it. It probably makes me less of a deep sleeper, but I like not snoring! Bryan is amazed. I ask him, "Did I snore last night?" since I always fall asleep before he does, and he is shocked that the answer is no. Occasionally, he'll hear one single snore, but I'm back to being quiet! YES! I have blown his freaking mind.

Food Cravings: I've been craving sweet fruit like grapes and watermelon. Also cookies. I am in love with homemade cookies. Which I may or may not have baked last night.

Food Aversions: I'm still not a fan of meat. I'm eating it because it's good for me, but I'm not really digging chicken or pork. What I want is a nice delicious medium rare steak. Le sigh.

Symptoms:
Charlie Horses - These sucks! They hurt so bad! I get them in the middle of the night and wake up in extreme pain. My doctor says it's my shoes. They're too flat. But you try looking cute in a dress with sneakers...

Back Pain - I feel achey in my back most days. Sometimes even sitting in my comfy glider for too long is too much. I really like to lay down. Thankfully, I have another prenatal massage scheduled for this weekend. I love those.

Nothing else really. I've been pretty symptom-less this week. My swelling has gone way down. I have normal ankles, you guys!

Doctor's Appointment: This morning. Blood pressure was good, pulse was good, baby's heartbeat is good. Even my weight was good! Thank goodness. Aside from waiting ONE HOUR to be seen by the midwife after the nurse did my vitals, all was good.

Movement: This is probably the most active week baby has ever had. I feel him moving almost all day. He's started to become somewhat recognizable as in I can feel oh, that's a foot, that's a butt, that's his back. It's pretty cool. I really love feeling him move.

We also decided to do some music experimenting and it turns out baby has good taste in music. He moves most when we play dubstep and Postal Service. He calms down for Vampire Weekend and other chill songs. I think he just likes the bass. I haven't tried any Beethoven. Maybe we should, but both Bryan and I are pretty skeptical that music will have much of an effect on the baby later.

Gender: Boy. We are still undecided. I am thinking about posting a poll of our top names mixed with one odd one. I've posted on pregnancy boards and found that our top two names always come out on top. Choosing between them is tough!

Best Moment of the Week: spending a lazy Sunday with Bryan

What I'm Looking Forward to: my massage on Friday and the start of three day weekends (This weekend is a 4 day weekend because we have Monday off for Memorial Day!)

What I've Got for Baby: We pretty much finished the registries except for the big ticket items which we're waiting for the completion coupons for. We got the changing pad, changing pad cover, mattress protector, bottle warmer, bottles, nursing pads, vibrating bouncer, receiving blankets, diapers, my diaper bag, a onesie with a tie on it, and some other little things I'm probably forgetting. All we need now are wipes, the pack-n-play and bumbo seat. It's nice to not worry about those little details.

What I've Learned this Week: How important this baby is to family. He's almost a symbol of the future, a source of joy and expectation, a reminder of life, that change is inevitable.




People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk.

-Ayn Rand

Pregnancy Update/Confession: 28.5 Weeks

I went to the doctor for a TB scare after interacting with a few students who tested positive for TB. They squeezed me in on an hour's notice.

Nurse did the normal pee in a cup, weight, blood pressure, heart beat, all that jazz. I was surprised at the number on the scale, but I've come to expect surprise.

Doctor comes in and says we need to reweigh. Something must be wrong, she says. Back on the scale. That number can't be right. It is. She looks at me and back at the number.

I'm in trouble.

We get back in the room and she says, "Let's talk about your weight gain. Tell me what you've been eating."

Uh oh.

Damnit, guys. I've been eating GREAT. Protein, yogurt, watermelon, whole grain English muffins, bananas. Except for last weekend when I ate lots of cake, cupcakes, mousse, flautas, muffins and drank my weight in soda.

Apparently my snoring is due to my weight gain. And my swelling to my soda intake. And my soda intake is making me gain weight. EVEN IF IT IS SPRITE!

Hence the FIVE pounds I gained in a week.

So, she put me on a diet until Wednesday (my next appointment). I'm only allowed to consume water - and water with lemon. No soda, no coffee (not a problem), no tea, no caffine, no ice cream, no fast food (not a problem), no sweets. I'm supposed to do this all weekend until Wednesday.

If my swelling doesn't go down (she used a fancy word to describe how when she pushes on my calves or feet and the fingerprint stays indented - not good), then I'm on a diet for awhile. This really sucks. And it comes on the heels of doing really well. I really thought about not posting this, but I need to be honest with myself and with my ladies. I messed up.

Damnit.

Pregnancy Update: 28 Weeks

Baby Size: Eggplant, 14.5 inches, weighing 2 pounds, developing more fat this week
How Far Along: 28 Weeks, just 12ish to go

Total Weight Gain: 23 pounds. That's 3 pounds this week. I could blame all the cake and desserts and food from this past weekend at home, but it's pretty normal for me to not gain one week and then gain 2-4 pounds the next. I look pretty darn pregnant. I feel pretty big, and the scary thing is that everyone keeps saying, "Just wait, you'll get bigger!"

Sleeping: I'm sleeping normally (thank god). I don't wake anymore to pee, and I have a pile of pillows for my feet that end up on the floor by morning. I wake minutes before my alarm goes off, and I actually feel rested in the morning. I am tired often, and I could use some more naps but I won't get whiney. We all could use more sleep.

Food Cravings: Watermelon. Shrimp. Pretzels. Tortilla Chips. Chocolate. Grapes. I need to go grocery shopping. I finished off the watermelon, tortilla chips and pretzels last night.

Food Aversions: I'm not really opposed to anything. I'm not any more picky than I was before the pregnancy.

Symptoms: Geez, what a week of symptoms.
Snoring - How embarassing. I've been snoring lately, especially if I'm sleeping in a chair. I hope this goes away with the birth.

Swollen Parts - I'm swollen really badly in my feet and hands. I'm probably dehydrated in addition to being up walking and moving and standing more than normal. I also wore wedges twice in three days. I hate looking down at my feet. Bryan can push his fingers on my ankles and the fingerprints STAY! So gross!

Being Single - Well, not really. But I'm not wearing my wedding band or my engagement ring after last night. They were so tight that I was in pain. I took them off, and I tried putting them back on this morning - nope. I have to see if the swelling goes away. Bryan said he will buy me a fake ring until the baby is born because I am so worried about looking like an unwed pregnant lady.

Lower Back Pain - Just uncomfortable and painful. I enjoy doing the scared cat/sassy cat stetch.

Hunger - I just started getting hungry yesterday. I'm guessing baby's on a growth spurt...or this is the new normal.

Doctor's Appointment: Next week. Birth class last night was not so much informative as it was fellowship. We talked a lot about comfort techniques, things I can do for myself, things Bryan can do, things we can bring with us. Also, I learned that the Medela breast pump that I got is the best - the only one worth getting says the midwife. It's hospital grade.

Movement: What's funny is that Bryan was right: the baby is just like him. He shuts down in loud places with loud people. Baby moves most when I am still or quiet or alone. All weekend people wanted to feel the baby kick, and I had so many hands trying to feel whenever I said, "I felt him move." What was funny (and awkward...so many hands on me) was that he stopped moving. He couldn't be talked into moving. Most times with all the noise, he went to sleep or hiding or being still.

Each of my three sisters got to feel him kick, but only once and only because they were quick to put their hand. And each of those times, it was late at night and we were just sitting and chatting. Big parties and big groups and lots of loud talking, baby shut down. Just. Like. Bryan. Often when we were just dating, Bryan would go hide in silence in a back bedroom or the bathroom when the noise of my family got to be too much for him. It's quite adorable that our son is doing the same.

Now that I'm back to my normal routine: I feel him in the morning as I type emails, feel him in the afternoon (like now) as I type reports or blogs, and I feel him most when I'm rocking in my glider watching television. He loves it when we're quiet. He is already more like Bryan than me.

Gender: Boy. We are getting all sorts of advice about names. Thanks for the suggestions of Bubba, Bo, Bosephus, Blake, Cameron, Carl, Bryce, and Bond. We still don't know. And don't you rush us! We will just name him in the hospital.

Best Moment of the Week: Spending the weekend with both sets of parents and all three sisters. It was really nice to have the whole family together.

What I'm Looking Forward To: This weekend. I want a calm, sleep-in, do nothing weekend. I've only got 12 left. I need this weekend to do absolutely nothing. I want to relax, to watch all the tv that recorded on the vacation, to get take out, to take naps, to unpack all the baby stuff, to write thank you notes, to just hang out with Bryan. I love lazy weekends. Get here!

What I've Got For Baby: I can't possibly type all the gifts we received this weekend, but I'll try. Baby received: endless amounts of onesies, six peepee teepees (hilarious), bath towels, hats, tiny shoes, adorable bibs, soft blankets, an Ugly Doll (YES!), pacifiers, toys, diaper bag, teethers, bottles, breast pump, bath supplies, fancy outfits, overalls, books, walker, diapers, wipes, high chair, monitor, changing pads, boppy pillow, stroller, burp cloths, Clemson baby gear, UCF baby gear, and gift cards. I have never seen so many baby things!!

What I Learned This Week: How much love there is for this baby already. We have the love and support of so many people, so many friends, so many family members. He's already one very loved boy. I sometimes forget about the network of people we have supporting us, loving us. This weekend was a wonderful reminder. We are so lucky. He is so lucky.

I'm ready for this baby, to meet him, to play with him, to dress him in adorable clothes. But, at the same time, I am ready to wait. I enjoy my time with just me and Bryan. I enjoy the twosome of us. I love being alone with him, being quiet with him, being silly with him, going out to lunch with just him. I am already mourning the loss of our sweet, quiet two person family. I'm not fully ready for the baby, and I think that's okay.

Surely not all new parents are really ready for the loss of the two person family. Surely there are others scared of the big change, of the crazy about to come. My belly and the nursery are constant reminders that we are on the brink of something wildly different than life as we know it. I'm sure it will be great and all, but I can't help but fear the unknown, fear the addition of this guy.

I'm hoping my honesty here will help me with a later pregnancy or with friends who are pregnant or will be pregnant. If I can't lay it out there for my handful of lady readers, then what's the point? This blog is my lady thoughts: fears and all.

My Birth Plan

Of course, I know I cannot plan when my baby will be born or much of what will happen. Nature will take its course and things will happen as they happen.

My midwife has encouraged me to develop a birth plan.

For the most part, my plan includes a safe labor and delivery for both me and my baby. I want to listen to the nurses, my midwife and the doctors with our only goal to have that baby in my arms.

If there are no complications: I plan to deliver vaginally with an epidural as soon as the pain becomes too much to handle. I would like to labor as long as possible before the option of a c-section arises. I want only Bryan in the room, no family, no friends besides him.

My biggest (and only) preference is most important: I want my baby. And when he is born, I want him directly on me, skin to skin, naked and fresh from the womb. I want him in my arms, want to delay the cord cutting (midwife says it helps prevent the nurses from taking your baby if he's still attached). I want to hold him as they clean him, measure him and do the "eyes and thighs" procedure. I want them to take him for his bath and weight only after I've had a full thirty minutes with my brand new baby.

When they take him for his bath, I want a bath, new sheets and new clothes. And then I want my baby back again. And I want to try to breastfeed within the first hour. This is the most important thing to me: holding my newborn. After all these weeks of carrying him, after all the pain of labor, after all the waiting, I want him. I want him in my arms and I don't want anyone to take him away!

This first hour of his life is so important to me. Pictures and facebook updates can come later. Those first few moments of life, I want him in my arms. I am so ready to meet my little baby. I can't believe we're only 3 months away from meeting this little guy. Who will he look more like? Me? Bryan? Will he be big or small? Will he be chill or a screamer? I am just so excited to find out.