This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. Even though I slept from 11:30 until 7:30, I was still tired. My shower didn't wake me. Breakfast didn't wake me. Chelsea Lately didn't wake me. But I pulled on my pants and my shoes (well, I needed Bryan's help for the sneakers) and got my butt to work.
Even though I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.
At lunch today, I'm checking my blood pressure at WalMart (how Tahlequah of me) to make sure everything's good. I think it is, but yesterday's evening swelling didn't go down much after putting up my feet and sleeping, so I'm slightly worried.
I think Bryan is ready for the baby to be here more than I am. I'm excited to put the baby in all the cute clothes I got and to see what he looks like and to cuddle him and to learn what that whole "new baby smell" is all about, but I'm honestly a little terrified.
What if he cries all the time? What if he just won't stop pooping, peeing, spitting up and all kinds of other nasty stuff? What if I turn into one of those annoying people who only talk about their kid? What if he likes Bryan more than me? What if Bryan likes him more than me? What if I cry all the time? What if I don't lose the weight? What if my face doesn't go back to being skinny? What if he hates my Moby wrap?
I know I'm a crazy person for thinking of all this stuff, and that everyone says my instincts will kick in. But let's be honest: I'm a young, wild lady. No one has ever let me hold their baby for long, and I can barely keep up with my own laundry, dishes and taking out the trash. How I am supposed to handle motherhood?
This kid is sure to have an interesting life growing up with me and Bryan has his parents. But am I going to have an interesting life with a kid? I mean, we've talked about kids and how we want them since we were dating, but now that it's almost a reality, I'm freaking out a little.
(This has to be normal, right??)
I'm thankful that my baby is six weeks from his due date, two weeks from his safe date.
But it is slightly terrifying when all of my yogurt's expiration dates are later than my kid's due date.
i love this post! i'm not even preggo and i have the same anxieties you do!
ReplyDeleteIt's really scary! Motherhood seems so daunting. I know there's no such thing as a perfect mother, but there's gotta be such thing as an awesome one.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest worry is that I'll lose who I am and sink into some Mom-version of myself. I want to still be me, just with a little sidekick.