an attempt at catching up: work

So much has happened.

My boss, the Executive Director, has resigned. I can't share too many details except that it happened and I feel more comfortable in the workplace.

On the same note, I've been assigned all his duties in his absence.

So I had my first serious adult negotiation. All I could think as he was considering my offer was, Geez, I need a manicure.

My new coworker is awesome, and we get along really well.

As far as students, so far this semester I've had to:
-retrain four new students
-tell one student he couldn't graduate
-help a group of students with a meal/housing solution to fit their religion
-help another student with her bill due to economic hardship
-promote one student to intern
-get a graduate assistantship for the office
-explain the situation regarding my boss as politically correctly as possible with the least details
-help students with visas for their Caribbean cruise
-listen to a student say that his test was so hard that he wanted to die
-explain what macaroni and cheese is at the holidy party

Needless to say, I'm exhausted. And so ready for break. Even though my break will be full of visiting as much family as possible.

Lord, please give me peace. I freaking need it.

Work Trip Post Baby: return trip thoughts

I'm in LA in one of the country's busiest airports laying on three chairs at my gate to board my flight to Houston, then one more one hour delay before I'm on my way to Tulsa to my awesome husband and my fat baby.

So how was the trip?

The short version: great!

The long (blog) version:
I entered the airport on Sunday after Bryan and Bradley dropped me off and the walk to the ticket counter almost made me cry. But I didn't.

I arrived in Vancouver at 9:30 and my Chinese counterpart took me to hot pot to discuss our agreement, new policy and catch up. I was exhausted from travel, but it was great to jump straight into work. I didn't get to my hotel until 1am (3am Oklahoma time), and I put on pjs, thought about tv and instead passed out.

Day 1: the day began with a business breakfast, a tour of the campus, a meeting with marketing, a meeting with admissions, pump break, tour of other locations, meeting with directors, lunch at sushi place (I think I ate an entire tuna fish!), back to head office for meetings with admissions and recruiters, then a pump break.

We had thirty minutes to shop before dinner, so I hit baby Tommy Hilfiger and got the CUTEST polo onesies - one f which he's gonna wear for his pro photos. Then we ran over to dinner which was so delicious: red Thai curry chicken and veggies with rice and naan bread. Dinner was informal business but a lot of relationship building - my favorite part of these trips.

I declined an opportunity to eat "Vancouvers best cheesecake" so I could get my first night of sleep without Bradley and with more than five hours. I slept from 10-5am. It was incredible.

Day 2: woke for a business breakfast at a French bakery. Oh. My. Gawd. This was the best meal I've ever eaten (pics on my nice camera). Monsieur Benedict: ham, gruyere cheese, poached egg, roasted tomato butter on focaccia bread with fresh fruit. To die for!! An then of course, chocolate croissants! They were so good we ordered 15 for the meetings that day!

So we went to the other partners head office where I ran my first important meeting. It was surreal to step out of body and look down at myself discussing policy, demanding changes and standing firm on what my boss and I decided last week. As I sat in my tiny black dress and 4 inch heels, I thought, this is the me I love! This is the career woman I want to be!

So that meeting went for three hours. A lot of debate, but in the end, the recommendations and changes I needed to see were accepted and I think it's going to help everyone. I'm so pleased with myself - and I can't wait to tell my boss! Can you say bonus?

So then I trained the agents and admin staff about NSU and admissions. And then we went for lunch...at 2:30pm. It was delicious, of course, and it was over at 3:45. My flight left at 6, ao I had just enough time to pack the gifts from our partners and pump before I had to go.

I barely made it to the gate on time because of us customs and because I needed a cookie. But I did.

And now I'm laying in LA. I haven't thought much about my family because I've been so busy (and doing what I love), but now I'm ready to be in Bryan's arms and to have my little fat dude in my arms. Just a few more hours!

Work trip #1 Post Baby

Bags are packed and Bryan has everything to survive three days without me.

This morning Bradley slept in, as he is apt to do on weekends (love that), and he has been sleeping good again (6hrs plus 4, plus 3), so Bryan and I are ready for the challenge.

We will go to Tulsa, pick up some more nipples (hahaha) and bottles,grab one last family lunch and then im on my way!

Will update on the way back as I wait in lax.

Brain Dump

Work is insanely busy, and with a recent fire of a student worker, I had to re-assign the China trip. Thankfully, we have students chomping at the bit to travel abroad.

I'm planning my first trip to Canada in almost twenty years. How can I be old enough to say something like that?

My baby is laughing! What? He's growing up and while most of the day he is entirely serious, I can make him laugh. It is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Speaking of babies, I'm going to the doctor - a real one! Not just a pregnancy doctor! I'm doing my consultation before the insertion of my IUD (my preferred method of birth control, y'all). No more babies for a little bit. Bradley is about all we can handle right now. Maybe later I'm blog about future baby plans.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand tomorrow's Friday.

Career, Babies and Marriage

The internet is somewhat blowing up over this recent article by the controversial Penelope Trunk.

She tells the world to get pregnant at 25 if you want a high-powererd career.

Well, I happen to be 25, pregnant and desiring of a high-powered career. I just had my 25th birthday, and I am in my mid-twenties now. I'm very pregnant, and I see myself as the director of some department on a university or college campus in my forties.

Clearly, I had to read this article.

Here are some highlights:
I loved that women are coming forward to say that it is literally impossible to have a high-powered career while you have young kids, if you want to be involved in your kids’ lives. The best thing older women can do for younger women right now is to tell the truth. It’s hard to tell the truth because if you are trying to do the high-powered job and the kids, you will kill your career by admitting that it’s impossible.

But here’s the truth for women: You should not plan your life so that you work until you’re 30 and then have kids, and also have a huge career. Because you will be taking care of kids during the very time when all the men you worked with are working harder and longer hours than ever before. Men who have kids are in a great position to climb the ladder. They have wives at home. Women cannot go full speed ahead until the kids are grown up. Slaughter has great evidence for this. But you should be able just to look around and see that this truth. My favorite example: All the male Supreme Court Justices have families. Two of the three women do not. And the one who does, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, did not start her career until her kids were grown.

Slaughter lays out a great plan. It’s tucked into the article, among a lot of other calls to action. But she says, if you want to have a huge career, have kids when you are 25 so your kids will be grown when you are 45, because there will still be time to have a huge career.

This also means women will need to start dating men who are older than they are. This also seems like a good idea. Men, of course, love younger women. But more than that, women who are in their twenties are in their prime in terms of self-confidence. They are physically very desirable, and they are doing better at work than men. Men, on the other hand, are at their nadir of self-confidence in their twenties. They are not making money, which is something that is very valuable on the dating scene. And they are not doing as well as women at work. Men look way better in their 30s when the women have left the workplace and the men have a more solid grip on their earning power.

So look. Here’s my first post directed solely at Generation Z women: Spend the years from age 20-25 focused on getting married. There is no evidence that doing well in school during that period of your life will get you worthwhile benefits. There is no evidence that waiting longer than 25 makes a better marriage. And there is not evidence that women who do a great job early in their career can bank on that later in their career. There is evidence, though, that women who focus on marriage have better marriages. There is evidence that women who have kids earlier have healthier kids, and there is evidence, now, that women who have grown children by age 45 do better at getting to the top in the workforce than all other women with kids.

You can bet I'm forwarding this article to my two (younger) sisters.

Pandora

I love the station Pandora. I've been using it since college. I have this need to have music on in the background while I work.

I've had the same pandora account since college. So my stations are pretty baller. And since they don't have time limits (remember the 40 hour limit per week?), I listen all the time: at work, in the car, at home, on my walks.

Well, at work I have my own office and it's at the back of the main office, so I listen to music at a semi-loud volume. And this song ALWAYS gets baby moving. Thought I'd share. It's a pretty kick ass song. Which I hope is an indicator that my kid will be kick ass.

The Working Woman

I've always considered myself a lady with a brain and a lady with goals and skills that would work best in the working world rather than the home.

Don't get me wrong: I've fantasized about being a stay at home wife, enjoying cable television, long yoga classes, lunches and margaritas with ladies, hitting the grocery store during non-busy hours, watching the pool boy clean. But I just can't enjoy it. I get bored.

I love having a clean house and with me at home, it gets clean. But, I'm bad at cleaning. I'm not so proficient at the Lost Housewife Arts.

I'm much better at working. And I like it more.

I enjoy the schedule, the assignments, the projects, the trips, the collaborative nature, the deadlines, the emails, the meetings, the office, the whole shebang. I love staplers and copiers and student assistants and vending machines with Dr. Pepper. I love having a place to go for the day, to get some stuff done and to come home and enjoy my leisure feeling like I've done something productive.

Especially this job. I really love my job. It's a perfect job for me, and each day is full of new challenges, new conversations with students from all over the world, new ways to advocate for students, and new international trips to plan.

I'm built for the office.

This whole pregnancy thing is tough because when I explain my plans for the future with this baby, people judge me. But it's a personal decision.

I can't tell you what you should do when you're faced with the same choice. I'm not even sure that my plan would work for anyone else.

I plan to work up until my water breaks or I'm too uncomfortable to sit at my desk or be in an office.
JUDGMENT - What? Won't you want to be home relaxing and preparing for the baby?

After the birth, I will stay home the minimum six weeks unless there is a medical reason which mandates a longer maternity leave.
JUDGMENT - Six weeks isn't long enough. You'll change your mind.

I will return to work after six weeks with the ability to take time to leave early or come late depending on the needs of my baby and my family.
JUDGMENT - You won't want to work after spending six weeks at home with your new baby. You won't want to leave him home while you spend all day away from him.

Judge away.

I'm not what you would call "maternal." I'm sure I'll grow into my role as a mother, just as I grew into being a wife. I already love my little baby, but I'm not sure that I will change who I am. I'm not sure that the birthing process will affect my pride in work or the joy I feel from accomplishing a hard day at the office.

I'm pretty scared, still, about the baby coming. There's so much I don't know. What will it be like? What will I be like? What will he be like? What will my marriage be like? What does it mean to be a mom?

I think I can be both a great mom and a great career woman.

Can't I?

This new article by Freakonomics talks about the working woman. Women can still impress the boss with a job well done and still have the ability to pick up their kids, take time for vacation and hurry home when the nanny says baby is sick. I think that's the beauty of women as equals in the workplace: we have a choice. Those who feel called to the home can choose to be stay at home moms. Those who feel called to work can return to their jobs.

I've been at my job for almost a year now, and I've built trust with my boss and my office. I will return and complete the same work with the same zeal and accuracy as before - I'll just have another cute picture to add to my desk and a sweet reason to make sure my work is done before the end of the day.

Perhaps I'm being naiive. Perhaps I'm wrong.

I've weathered several life changes, and I've remained the same me. A smarter, more experienced me, but the core of who I am is still the same. And I don't think it's too crazy to think that I will still be very much me, even as a mother.

Bryan likes to say that a happy wife is a happy marriage. I think it's true even more with a kid. I think a happy mom is a happy family.

This plan makes me happy.

I'm confident that our son will be cared for by Bryan. What a cool setup that we can give our son so much time with his father, to learn life from the most fascinating person I know. Bryan is more a man than most, and I'm so happy that our son will get so much of Bryan's influence.

I'm confident that our nanny will bring that sweet, caring love to our baby on the days when we are both at work. She's the most gentle, sweet girl I've met. I know she'll read the baby stories, sing songs, dance and love him like her own.

I'm confident that I will be a better mother knowing that I'm making global accomplishments and that I'm helping to provide for our family. I will be happy to enjoy my nights and weekends with my little baby after missing him at work.

I think it's going to work out. I'm sure there will be bumps and trouble and unexpected things, but I'm approaching this new role as mother with as much optimism and confidence that I can muster.

And I'll take all the support I can get from family, friends, coworkers and internet strangers.

Monday Mind Dump

My husband is back from Chicago where he presented his new paper (success!), and I enjoyed a lovely weekend to myself. The house is spotless, dusted, vacuumed, swept, cleaned, scrubbed, 8 loads of laundry done, dishes done, and rent paid. Booyah.

I even took time to pamper myself with an amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing 90 minute prenatal massage where I learned some sweet pillow tips (thanks, Elisa!) for sleeping and relieving pain in my back. I got my hair cut and wanted to cry because she gave me short layers even when I said PLEASE JUST CUT IT ALL THE SAME LENGTH. A little Baskin Robbins fixed my almost melt-down as did a cute baby Gap sweater for $3 (how could I not buy it?!). I was so fed up with all this that I hurried myself home to give myself a pedicure and watch back to back episodes of Chopped. An (almost) perfect day.

My good friend Julia had her baby on Thursday, and it needs its own post. They had a very crazy experience and they are handling parenthood a little differently than I thought they would and differently than I think we will. BUT, there is an adorable tiny half-Chinese, half-white baby that I get to hold. I could feel my son moving while I was holding her and I couldn't help but think about what it will be like to hold my own newborn baby. Freaking adorable.

Work is crazy because we're in the busy season, but I don't mind because my days fly by. I did my student evaluations, and for the first time in my career, my students were all over the map: one well above extraordinary (she will be my temp in my maternity leave), two at a good level, one at needing improvment and the other was almost fired and is now on probation. It really sucks to have to tell someone what they're doing wrong, but it's a learning experience for them. For most of them, this is their first job - and it's in their second language. I have the utmost respect for their attempts, and the one on probation has already impressed me today with her efforts to step it up.

Also, I baked cupcakes from scratch last night because I HAD TO HAVE THEM. They were delicious, and I brought them to work so I don't eat them all myself...and I feel guilty for being so tough on my students.

Next week, my mom comes to visit! I'm so pumped. I love my Mom.

China Update

China was incredible! I've been back a full week, and after I snuggled with Bryan, ate tons of American food and peed in my Western toilet, I am back into my American life.

Here's what I did (with pictures!):

I took 2 fourteen hour flights. I tried both the window and the aisle seats, and I am 100% pro-aisle.

On my first night, I ate donkey, chicken neck, thousand year old egg and a bunch of things I didn't recognize and was too embarassed to take pictures as I had just met most of the dinner guests.

I booked my hotel based on a recommendation from our partner. When I arrived, I showed the guy my address, and he said, "No, no, this is not the right hotel." And then he proceeded to call my hotel, cancel my reservation and then book me at another hotel. Okay, then.

My only morning alone: I walked around the Beijing University of Technology campus to see what a Chinese university looked like. I was impressed. Nice buildings, cool students and interactive classes. This class built chairs out of cardboard and sat in them to prove to their teacher that it worked. This picture shows the fail of the class.

On my second day, the VP took me to lunch at a place where he ordered the Fresh Bacteria Pot. I tried to explain to him that I couldn't eat this as I'm pregnant and I'm sure my doctor would KILL me if I ate fresh bacteria. He argued and said I must try it! I explained that we do not eat Fresh Bacteria in the States, and he said, of course you do. He started pointing at several items on the menu and saying bacteria.

Clearly. After a few more pointing and saying Bacteria, I realized he meant mushrooms. I then explained that mushrooms are fungus, and fungus is not the same as bacteria. Translation fail.

Cici is the President's Assistant, and Toby was kind enough to assign her to me for the week I was in town. More than an assistant, Cici was my tour guide, bargain master, confidant and friend. She took me to the Silk Market, the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, my hotel, the office, the Exhibition Center, restaurants, everywhere and anywhere I wanted to go. She was incredible!

She took me to her favorite local diner. This would be the equivalent of our greasy spoon. People sat and talked and drank endless amounts of tea. We ordered a typical dinner (stewed pork with spicy egg and peppers) and talked about the upcoming events and all the great deals she got me at the Silk Market. Her best deal: getting the seller of fake Ray Bans sunglasses to go from 420 down to 35. Love that girl!

My absolute favorite dish of the week was the Peking Duck. And I had it at the best restaurant for duck. Apparently, you can get duck everywhere, but this place is the best. And it was seriously the most delicious food I've ever had. The skin was so crispy and oily and the meat was so tender and delicious and oily. I dipped the skin in raw sugar and ate it (like the locals) and it melted in my mouth. So delicious!

I spent Saturday and Sunday working the Education Exhibition Fair from 9-4pm with a break for lunch (duck with VPS one day, fast food with the interns the other). I love my job! I talked about opportunities to study in the US at NSU, how to apply, how we make decisions and where the heck Oklahoma is. I met many students, talked to several parents and helped many with the admissions process. I think I was also one of two Americans representing American schools, so we were very popular. Next time, I'll get some more prominent blonde highlights.

On the last day of the fair, the billionaire took us all out to dinner at a very fancy, very expensive restaurant. We talked about business, visas, the fair, my school, my boss, America, Canada, China, gun laws, babies, massages, pastries, air travel and everything else. I really enjoyed sitting with these high powered executives and sharing my (young) opinions on the topics. One day, I hope to be a director of admissions or international programs or university marketing or something like it. This is absolutely the industry that I'm passionate about and I enjoyed all of the business talk.

We have chosen to partner with a great partner. The billionaire is the President and Chairman of the company, and as we spoke, I was impressed with how many of the details he was aware of in his company. He knew commission rates, application numbers, rental rates in addition to big picture stuff like where the company wants to grow and recruit. And he was so nice! When he learned that I liked a dish, he'd move it next to me and be sure I had the last of whatever it was.

I climbed the Great Wall. It was breath-taking. It was probably the most incredible landscape I've ever seen.

I was impressed with the length, the height, the stability, the history, the people and the beauty.

We also went shopping. I saw live scorpions for sale (to eat).

Gorgeous street food that I did not eat, but I really enjoyed looking and taking pictures.

From scorpions to the Emperial Restaurant at the Behai Gardens: I dined at the Emperor's old dining room on a dinner that was typical for an emperor. For most dinners, the cost is 20-30 RMB. For this dinner, for two people, the total was 990 RMB. It was delicious and the experience was incredible.

I ate with another VP who had the best story. When he was young, there was trouble in China, and he was separated from his parents and sister. His parents went to a work camp, his sister went to an orphanage and he went to a camp for young boys where they worked, lived in caves and stole food for meals. Later, they released everyone and gave all youth at college age an entrance exam. Only the top 1% were granted admission to university. He was one of them. He also was present at the Tiamen Square "riot" and did not want to talk about it. He's lived in Canada and all over China. Now, he lives in Beijing with his wife.

The only food that was really awful was this: jellyfish. I had to try it, and when I chewed it, it was like thick rubber, like gum that was very thick and dense. It did not change consistency no matter how hard or how long I chewed. I couldn't break it into pieces with my chopsticks, so I put an entire tentacle into my mouth. It was long and it filled my whole mouth. I chewed and nothing happened, so I just swallowed. And it went down in one long string. It was definitely the most awful eating experience that I experienced. Thankfully, after one try, he did not encourage me to try another piece.

Then we took my little pregnant self to the Forbidden City (on my last day in Beijing). It was incredible. It literally is a city! I thought it was a building or two. NO! It is a city with 9,999 rooms, several (like 30) pagodas which have been preserved and a hospital and basically dorms for all the concubines. Some of the buildings have been transformed to miniature museums. I visited the clock museum. It was huge.

My last meal was at the North Korean restaurant run by the North Korean restaurant. It was delicious. And very different than my Chinese meals. The waitresses were beautiful.


OBSERVATIONS:
Service industry workers like waiters, bus boys, cab drivers, doormen, etc do not get acknowledged. I said thank you (in Chinese) and almost always got shocked looks from others that I was with.

Soup is very expensive and very fancy. Only rich order soup as most of them include tasteless medicine. I was not aware of this until my return.

There is no toilet paper. Not even in nice restaurants. The billionaire had the secretary run to buy me tissues on my first day. Also, the toilets are a lot like showers:

There are no homeless! For a city of 20 million people, I never saw any homeless people. Cici did not understand when I asked. "People that have no homes?"

The pollution was really bad. Rivers and lakes around the city were FILLED with trash. The whole city was gray and dirty. Cici said the air is very bad.

It is not customary to tip. Prices are what they are. Even the cabs. Which by the way never felt sketchy. All of the taxis are the same, and they all had the same meters which all functioned the same. There was no feeling of, "uh oh, I'm being ripped off."


All in all, I had a wonderful time. I was able to recruit, re-establish our connection to our partners, learn some new techniques from the other recruiter and experience Chinese culture. The sights were incredible. The food was delicious. The trip was amazing. I'd go back again in a heartbeat!

I'm on my way to China!

Follow my real-time adventures here.

Last fall, I took a trip to Vietnam and like last time, I'm ready for this trip.

I'm packed. I'm prepared. I'm excited.

I'll be busy with recruiting at one of China's biggest college fairs. I'll be special since most American universities ask a Chinese alumni to man their booth, and I imagine my white skin and blonde hair will bring the students to the yard the booth.

I'll be trying all sorts of delicious food including Peking duck, hot pot, lo mein and Chinese fried donuts. And I'll have a special trip to a North Korean restaurant run by North Korea with waitresses hand-selected and trained by the government.

I'll be sightseeing the classics: Great Wall, Forbidden City, Silk Market.

I'll be meeting and training our partner's office staff. I'll be meeting with a Chinese billionaire!

I'll be busy, and hopefully, I can pack as much Chinese adventure into my week in Beijing as possible. I am already looking at a very full itinerary, but I can't imagine it any other way.

Blogger, Gmail and Facebook will all be blocked in China, so the next time you hear from me here will be upon my return in one full week.

ONE WEEK TO CHINA!

I am so excited! I will be leaving for China in just seven days.

I'll be staying at this beautiful hotel in Beijing:

I'll be eating breakfast here:

I'll be recruiting students here with our partners from Canada and China:

I will take day trips to visit these:

I will try all kinds of delicious food:

I'm really excited. My trip to Vietnam was really awesome, and I think this one will be even better since I am travelling with partners and I will be in only one city: Beijing. Last time, I remember my favorite moments of the trip were kicking off my shoes after a long day of recruiting, schmoozing and getting an agreement drafted, laying on my bed, ordering fried rice (this time maybe lo mein since it's China!) and skyping Bryan about my day and looking out the window to a beautiful Asian landscape.

My passport is ready, I've got my visa, and my travel arrangments have all been made. I've got to get my students to prepare the promotional materials and pack it in my suitcase, and I'm ready to go!

Friday Brain Dump

Work has been wildly interesting this week as my 13 direct recruits and 8 recruits from an agent arrived - the most new spring international arrivals ever. Needless to say, I am quite pleased with this - as is my boss. It's really rewarding to see these students in person after months of paperwork, emails, phone calls and mailings. I did it. I did my job, and I did it well. I so deserve this morning's donut(s).

Bryan is currently in Chicago preparing for his interview this afternoon with a Florida university and his informal meeting with the New York university. I can tell he's nervous, but I know he'll be great. Like everything else, it's gonna happen if it's gonna happen, and we'll make it work no matter what happens. Because that's what Alyssa & Bryan do. And we have a hilarious time doing it.


Tomorrow, I'm hoping the cable guy can fix my cable! I've been without it since Monday morning, and I don't like to believe in fortunes, but this was predicted. Creepy...

This week, I've made two batches of homemade apple sauce, one batch of homemade chocolate peppermint ice cream and three out of four dinners. Tonight, I'll be enjoying authentic Chinese fried rice by my friend Julia whose husband is also interviewing for positions in Chicago. We're also shopping tomorrow for baby stuff as she has a baby coming in April!

Oklahoma isn't as bad as I remembered. Or maybe as bad as I like to complain that it is. I've only been back six days, but I think this semester will be better than I thought.