The Formal Decision To Not Have Babies

We always told our friend Jason that if we got pregnant, he should know it was an accident and that we wouldn't be happy, even if we faked it for everyone we knew. Horrible, I know, but it's true. Like many women I know, I was an adamant Pill popper as means to prevent pregnancy. I pick up my prescription at Target for $10, set my daily phone alarm for 9:30 and swallow the hormones each evening. I took the Pill for five years. It was cheap, easy to acquire and effective.

This Thursday, I laid on the metal bed, feet in stirups that were covered in oven mitts and my doctor double checking how deep my cervix was. Seconds later, I felt a horrible sharp pain deep inside me, like a tiny fairy had somehow gotten inside my vagina with a humongous sword and decided to stab my lady part. I'm not sure if it hurt so bad because I'm used to my vagina feeling pleasure or if because I haven't had children and my cervix is too tight or if because I'm a baby, but I jumped right off that table, yelping and crying. It hurt so bad that I felt dizzy and before I could alert the doctor, I fainted. When I awoke, there was no more pain and I smiled, a little embarrassed but mostly because I knew that with this IUD, I wouldn't be getting pregnant until I wanted to be getting pregnant.

For my ladies, I chose the Paraguard option, a copper t-shaped little thing, for the lack of hormones and because a writer from The Frisky documented her insertion and her (great) experience. And as of that afternoon, I am unable to get pregnant until the doctor removes it. It lasts for twelve years, but you can take it out at any time. My total out of pocket cost: $125 and insurance took care of the rest ($600). The afternoon following the insertion was pretty bad, sharp cramping and bouts of pain so bad that I cried. I recommend a movie, lots of iBuprofen and getting to bed early.

But that's all the bad things I can say. I woke up the morning after the insertion feeling great. So great actually that I spent 30 minutes doing my hair and did something funky with my makeup. I felt sexy all day and wanted to bone as soon as my man got home. That's a big thing: I'm horny all the time now. I was pretty horny before, but now I'm unstoppable. It's also great because you don't have to remember to do anything! No more phone alarms, no more I-hope-I'm-not-pregnant months. Hassle free!

The most important good thing: When my man and I decide that we want to have children, we will remove the IUD and start trying to procreate. I love this part, partially because I'm a planner but mostly because I want to bring a child into the world when it's optimal. Imagine whatever that is for you. For me, I want to be living closer to family, I want to have travelled to Europe, I want to have a sweet house, I want to be older, wiser, stronger. Now is not a good time, and the next bunch of years will also not be good. Kids never go away. I still bother my parents and I bet you still bother yours.

We're still newlyweds, and we have big plans for the next few years - and they don't involve children. And when we want our plans to involve children, we'll make a formal decision to remove the IUD and have them. So there. Betcha weren't expecting that.

**Ladies, if you have questions about IUDs, ask in the comments or shoot me an email AlyssaMBuckley at gmail dot com.