Woa. Choosy Me.

When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.
William James



I am on the verge of change. What sort of change is up to me.

I know I'm not happy where I'm at. Things are not great in the library at the moment, and there are no indications that this will change in the next year or two. I know I will be (even if just slightly) happier doing something besides what I'm doing. I have made moves to give myself choices, thinking that of all the options, the "right" choice would be obvious.

Here I am, teetering between Plan A (graduate school) and Plan B (a better paying, more challenging job). Each path is a good one, and I suppose it is almost harder than choosing between two evils. I cannot choose "wrong," I can only choose "better."

How am I to choose? If I weigh these financially, it's a tough call. Obviously, Plan B will give me more money immediately, but Plan A may ensure higher pay in the long term. If I weigh the two emotionally, I'm not going to be accurate as I have not done either of these tracks. Each are similar to other adventures (undergraduate and admissions job), but until I am in the position, I will be unable to evaluate which is better for me emotionally. If I weigh these two options in terms of what will be challenging, I know that both of them will be - but in different ways.

I'm ready for a change. I just need to choose what sort of change I need. Do I need a rejuvenating academic adventure? Do I need a more intense job? This is my town for the time being; I need to find something and make it work. And soon.

My graduate school classes begin on my birthday, Monday, June 6. I hope to have decided before that date. Wouldn't that be a great birthday present? Clarity of mind, certainty in my choice, hopeful anticipation of change.