Baby Bradley photo dump

Right now: holiday

I am so relaxed.

My baby is asleep. My house guests have left. My husband ran to the office to input grades. My roomba is vacuuming the floor. I'm watching Kourtney and Kim Take Miami. I'm showered and drinking water.

Yes. This is modern day peace.

Bradley Douglas: 9.5 Month Update

What a crazy few weeks it's been. So many new things happening with my fat baby. He's now missed the 8 month and 9 month update, so we're at 9.5 months.

He's pretty adorable nowadays. He's become a little man. He can sit up like a professional; he can stand holding onto tables, couches, hands; he can sit in high chairs; he can say mama; he can (army) crawl anywhere he wants; he can walk when you hold his hands.

He's still the same ole Bradley, though: he is fat. He hates wearing pants, or any clothes. He loves to nurse. He flirts with waitresses, cashiers, international girls, babysitters.

He is learning to explore. He wants to touch everything that's not a toy. iPhones? Gimme. Outlets? Want it. Wine glasses? Let me have it. Magazines? I will rip them.

He will crawl into the tiniest spaces: in between the couch and the wall, in the cabinets, into boxes. He will crawl for attention, to chase after me in the bathroom or to get me to chase him.

His games are becoming more sophisticated: peek-a-boo is cool, but nothing is as fun as "I'm going to get you" which is a very slow version of tag. He loves to smack his big bouncy ball. He loves Where's Mom? which is a very basic version of hide-n-seek.

He has seven teeth: four up top (although the ones next to the front teeth grew in first) and three on the bottom.

He eats! We nurse twice in the morning, once at lunch, once after work and once before bed. He eats purees of carrots (meh), sweet potatoes (likes), squash (eh), green beans (hates! so we haven't done these again), peaches (loves), pears (loves), prunes (likes), and real servings of Gerber yogurt (LOVES!), avacado (likes), banana (likes), apples (loves), cucumber (likes), chicken (likes), ham (likes), spaghetti (likes), and whatever else. He is also in love with Gerber puffs, Gerber yogurt melts and these weird vegetable cheeto looking things for babies.

He is so smart! He understands when we leave. He went through a rough two week separation anxiety period where he would cry anytime we would leave. He's better now. Not happy, but he just fusses a little bit, then he is fine.

He understands how things work. He can flip through pictures on my iPhone, loves to pose for cameras, look at pictures of himself and knows when we're eating something. He wants to drink from my cup whenever I have a cup of water or juice. He likes to play with our dimmer lightswitch and the thermostat. He can press buttons on the DVD player (on/off, open/close). He can push buttons on his toys that sing. He loves his Rocktivity Center with all the drums and guitar and music.

He has two boxes of toys, and he loves to dump them out and play with toys. His favorite toys are his musical keys, tiny keyboard, miniature balls and blocks. He is crawling everywhere. He can crawl from one side of the room to the other, down the hallways, into the kitchen, into the bathroom, and he can stand alongside the couch and entertainment center. He can "cruise" while holding, but he refuses to. He always pivots to find someone's hand to help him walk. He is not independent in walking. He would prefer to be carried or to have hands to help him walk.

He is still very serious. We had professional portraits taken for Mother's Day, and there was only one picture with a smile. The smiling picture is adorable, but man, it took a long time. He just enjoys watching people, being inquisitive and pretty much judging the world. He investigates everything with his hands, and he likes to point or pet things right before he puts them in his mouth. He laughs, but you've got to be playing a game or be ridiculously silly (not too hard for two comedian parents).

He has just started waving. It's adorable! He loves to see people wave back.

His most reliable "trick" is growling. If you growl at him, he will growl right back. I can't handle how adorable this is. It's definitely weird. But I love it.



His only word is "mom" or "mama." And he means it. He is totally a mama's boy. He will search for me if he knows I'm home, and he wants to be in my lap or playing near to me if I'm on the floor. He always lights up when I walk in the room or come home from work. I would be lying if I said this wasn't my favorite thing about being a mom. I'm someone's number one person. It feels pretty awesome.

He sleeps through the night which has been awesome for many things: my own sleep, my sanity, my marriage, my workouts and my son because he wakes up reseted. He sleeps sometime between 6:30-8pm and wakes sometime between 6-7:30am. It is really awesome.

I am just having the hardest time keeping up with the updates for Bradley. I wish I was better. Perhaps I'm too ambitious to write every little detail, but I want to remember it all!

Sunday fun day

We had some old friends and their super adorable baby over for a few days. It was so freaking cute to see them playing together! They are together, took baths together, played together, chased each other and smacked each other. A-freaking-dorable.

My mom comes tomorrow. I am so freaking excited! She hasn't seen Bradley since Christmas, so she's beyond excited. I love it when she visits!

I'm finally getting my home life back under control. For awhile, I felt like I couldn't help at home - or even focus really - because work was so stressful. I've caught up on most everything and the new boss is coming in July or August. So finally, I'm menu planning, doing laundry, cleaning counters, washing dishes, cooking dinners, going for runs, checking my email. I feel so much more in control.

And my baby is really becoming a little boy. He is adorable! And here's some pictures to prove it.

Lately: the list

I sliced my finger really deeply while cutting a watermelon. I was home alone, and I was going to wipe all the blood with a towel but I didn't want to ruin my nice kitchen towel, so I ran it under cold water. It felt good, but it kept bleeding. When my mom didnt answer and Bryan's dad didnt answer, I called Bryan home from work. Crisis averted. He is a doctor.

My room is clean. Everything hung up, put away and totally neat.

Bradley's Chicago girlfriend is here visiting. She's feisty! She will steal all his toys and just laugh.

My boss wants me to go to Orlando for a conference to train on advising students. Yes please.

I'm debating daycare for bradley. More on this later...

My mom is coming in three days. I'm stupidly excited.

Oh, and Bradley got a weigh in yesterday. He's now 20 lbs 7.5 oz. HE GAINED 8 ounces in two weeks!!! Pride! Success! We're on our way to helping him get what he needs.

The candidates for my future boss have come for interviews. First one was elitist and limited in knowledge. Second one was very friendly with students and really knowledgable. Third one comes tomorrow.

We had a pregnancy scare. It was just a scare. I was terrified. Bryan was excited. This is not happening.

And I'm trying to run before work. I like it. The silence and the whole "I'm almost healthy" thing. It's great alone time.

My first big parenting fail...or how the internet failed me

I'm hesitant to write too personally on this blog, but let's be honest: I've already admitted a lot of personal details. And I am terrible at writing in my real journal (Where has it gone??).

Most of Bradley's life has not required much parenting. I mean for three months it was a continuous loop of eat, change, sleep, cuddle. The next three months was more of the same plus trying to get him to roll, hold things and speak in babble. The next three months have been more of the previous plus enticing him to crawl, encouraging babbling and reading. I mean, how can you parent a baby that needs very little discipline?

Sure, I have taught patience: here's a toy, you have to wait for a second while I finish ____. I have taught love: hugs, cuddles, kisses, attention, looks. I have taught sleep: here's your crib, it's bedtime and now sleep peacefully for 12 hours. It hasn't been so difficult.

So I should have known when I wrote a bit ago about the biggest difficult thus far: I was having the worst guilt and emotions relating to weaning Bradley.

I should have known.

Of course, I pretty much am addicted to TheBump.com forums. I listen to what the other moms and other babies are doing and why and how. And I figure that there are some crazies. But I also figured that this would be a good survey of what other babies and other moms are doing.

Normally, when the majority of the babies are doing something or the moms are doing something, I will think about doing something. Like swaddling babies. And then stopping swaddling. And introducing a sippy cup. And now, weaning to more solids.

WELL WHAT A MISTAKE.

I'm still upset about this, but I want to write while I am still battling this as it will be a great reminder for me for my next baby - and maybe for some of my mom readers (or mom-to-be).

Bradley went to his 9 month appointment, and he was in the 90th for head circumference (17.5 inches), 75th of weight (19 lbs 15 oz) and 25th of height (27.5 inches). Looks good to me.

WRONG.

Bradley dropped 15 percentiles for his weight and didn't grow much in height. He's always been 90 for head/90weight/50 for height. He's dropping percentiles too quickly.

What's his milk schedule, the pediatrician asks.

I respond proudly that I nurse him twice in the mornings and twice at night, but he's taking juice and solids all other meals!

The pediatrician says, Really?

And that's when I knew. Here it comes.

A baby at month 9 should receive the majority of his calories and nutrients from milk. My baby was receiving 25-50% of his calories from milk. My baby wasn't getting what he needs. He needed another 15-20 more ounces of milk than he's getting.

It's simple input-output: if he's not getting what he needs, how can he gain weight? how can he grow taller? how can he hit all his milestones? how can he become a healthy boy?

Clearly, I felt like a failure. So I called my good friend from college who is now a pediatrician right away. I said, I love my pediatrician, but I think he's wrong. Tell me he's wrong. And my friend said, You're not going to want to hear this, but he's right. He's missing a lot of calories, a lot of nutrients, a lot of milk or formula. You have to make some changes.

So we have. We stopped doing as much blw (table food) and went back to purees of vegetables. Cut down on his water and juice. Added back his lunch nursing. Tried offering formula (he hates it!). Offer more yogurt.

I'm feeling awful. It's clear that he's missing what he needs, and I feel guilty. I ask myself if I would nurse him more if I wasn't working, if I would have introduced formula sooner, if I didn't read the forums.

Of course, all those moms are also seeing huge percentile declines in their babies now, too, and most of the pediatricians don't seem to mind. I don't know why I let this get so out of control. I'm taking back control. I'm going to take better care of my kid and rely more on my pediatrician's advice and my friend's advice. I'm going to not do anything if it makes me feel so guilty.

I'm learning from this. And I will be weighing him every two weeks to check on his weight. This surely won't be the last time I fail my son, but I will try my best to avoid failures like this and reliance on the internet in the future.

Mother's Day 1.2

I've had some pretty ridiculous things happen as a mother (aside from baby accomplishments) and I'd like to document so my future self remembers.

I went back to work eight weeks postpartum to an office with a missing staff member. When we hired her two months after I returned, later that month my boss left. I've been doing his job in the interim. I've basically been doing two jobs since I got back from maternity leave. I've worked my ass off.

And I breastfed through all of it. Still am . My kid won't take a bottle (unless I'm out if town), so I come home for lunch to cuddle, play and nurse.

I've been spit on, drooled on, thrown up on, pooped on, peed on (waaaaay too many times) and I've taken showers just to get away from it all.

I've kept the baby room clean, stocked with wipes and diapers and (equally important) adorable clothes.

I've taught my son to be gentle (no hitting people's faces or ripping out hair from the root), to sleep through the night, to say mama, to be patient for food (one bite for mom, one bite for you), and to know what happens when I say "squishy face" - spoiler, I squish his face.

I've failed at getting him to drink from a bottle, to not poop in public, to stop eating those buckles on carts, to get food all over his stylish outfits and to say "mom is the best."

I have been on over 20 flights with him and have had only one awful flight and I am proud of myself for not letting that flight attendant take him. WHY WOULD YOU THINK YOU WOULD CALM HIM BETTER THAN ME?

I have no problem telling strangers they can't hold him or feed him crazy things like French fries.

I am the one who got to feed him his first food (carrots), got to sneak him his first taste of cake (shhhh) and a tiny piece of bacon (really shhhh) and he loved them.

I'm surprised at how much I've become a mother in the most stereotypical ways: I post too many pictures of my kid on Facebook, I haven't had a haircut or a manicure or a pedicure in months, I have tried baby food, my living room has baby toys in it, I care more about his birthday party than mine, I will buy more at the babyGap than mamaGap, I have worn a shirt with spit up on it on public.

I've definitely had to grow into motherhood. I'm feeling still like myself but I am more and more a mother. For a long time, I thought mother was a bad word, an insult to my precious self. I've come to learn that it's not: it's a new title, not necessarily a promotion, but it's an enhancement, a new role. One that I'm becoming more proud to be, one that I'm feeling more confident being. I'm a mother and I'm happy about it.

Note: I would still prefer that the rest of the world and Bryan call me Alyssa. Lets leave mom, mama, mother and (the worst) mommy for my kid(s). Ok? Awesome.

Happy Mother's Day to me

My first true Mother's Day.

Here I am, rocking my sweet, sleepy baby in the dim light of the tired morning sun. As my squishy baby nurses, he has one hand running his tiny, fat fingers through my hair and the other feeling the chair beneath us. I hope that the quiet and the mostly dark room will tempt him back to slumber so I can lay him back in his crib, belly full of warm milk, and I can return to my bed to cuddle with Bryan.6

This is my normal morning routine.

It is a far cry from where I was a year ago, two years ago. Sleeping in, entirely missing the quiet of 6am.

There's a little bit of beauty in these early mornings. With the gentle rocking, I feel like a mother. I know my mother rocked me, and my grandmother rocked her and hers rocked her. There is the antique rocking chair from my great grandmother to prove it. I've rocked my own little Bradley in it.

He's sweet little fingers, his sleepy little face. I love this. I'm kind of a morning person myself, so I don't mind the transition from sleep to mothering. He won't nurse this long or this sweetly any other time of the day. This is our sweet morning.

Happy Mother's Day to me.

Friday nights nowAdays

Get home from work.
Nurse.
Play.
Call/Skype grandparents.
Bath. Books. Cuddles.
Nurse.
Rock to sleep.
Bryan makes dinner while I run to the liquor store for wine and beer.
Commence drinking, talking and whatever else the hell we wanna do.

Preparing for family portraits

Today our little family of three is getting pictures taken. Not by the amazing Erin Scott (we wish!). Not by Target. Not by Walmart. Not by a friend.

By a local Oklahoma photographer. It has taken me nine months to find someone whose work looked awesome enough to hire. I mean, this photographer is competing against all the photos we have from DC's #1 photographer. They better be amazing.

Well, from what I've seen, they will be.

And as the mother, I've claimed this as my Mother's Day gift (to be an annual event). Which means I get to choose everyone's outfits. Commence the fun.

I have an awesome dress picked out for me and an awesome look for Bryan, but it's my baby that I'm having a hard time with. I want fancy casual. Is that jeans or colored shorts? Super cute toms or flip flops? Cardigan or blazer? Hat or no hat? I mean, I'm paralyzed by choice because he has so many cute clothes. (Clearly, a problem I've created for myself.)

Anyways, I'm excited and I can't wait to see how they turn out. He's napping now which means he should be in an awesome mood for pictures which means I am going to frame pictures of my almost one year old! Ah.

Posts to post soon:
9 month update
The shitstorm
My first big parenting fail...or how the Internet failed me
Debt free Buckleys
Living room makeover...or how my husband thinks I'm crazy