Woa.

My kid is almost nine months old and I haven't updated much.

I'm going through emotions as I attempt to wean Bradley's lunch nursing to a full meal of protein, calcium and fluids. I love nursing but the reliance on me has become a reason for me to come home at lunch everyday. Which is great. Except when there's a meeting that runs late. Or a ladies lunch. Or whatever. And you feel guilty because somewhere, your fat baby is hungry and you're not there. That's a lot of pressure. And I'm still happy (except for lunch sessions) with nursing.

I worry that this attempt to give myself freedom at lunch will result in my fat baby's refusal to nurse at any time (which is what my sister did to my mom). Or that I am depriving my kid of the vitamins, amount and fat (really) he needs.

Also, the amount of time I spend with bryan is small. Maybe for a few minutes in the morning to hand off bradley so I can put on my heels or, if Bryan is still sleeping, say a quick goodbye kiss and whisper that the fat baby is asleep and I am jealous of the sleeping. And then after work, we play on the floor with blocks and owls and foxy squirrel and balls. Bryan cooks or picks up food. We do the bedtime routine, and then we have two to four hours before bed. That's not enough time to be silly and serious and watch tv and play games and have a good fight and have a good cuddle and pay taxes.

What's more is I'm in the awkward place between the clothes I wore before I was pregnant (guys, it's been a year and a half since I before I was pregnant.) and the clothes I bought after the fat baby was born. I'm in between two sizes and not really wanting to buy new clothes because I'm on the cusp of losing more weight but I don't yet fit into my old summer clothes. Also those aren't as bright and striped as my wardrobe has become lately. So of course that doesn't help.

So, while I haven't been posting, a lot has been going on in my head. I don't have things totally together right now. But I'm working on it. I'm thinking a lot. Until I know what I really get it, I need to think and fix some things. Then I'll be back.

Of course, my baby is the only thing I take pictures of. So enjoy: baby pictures.