My first big parenting fail...or how the internet failed me

I'm hesitant to write too personally on this blog, but let's be honest: I've already admitted a lot of personal details. And I am terrible at writing in my real journal (Where has it gone??).

Most of Bradley's life has not required much parenting. I mean for three months it was a continuous loop of eat, change, sleep, cuddle. The next three months was more of the same plus trying to get him to roll, hold things and speak in babble. The next three months have been more of the previous plus enticing him to crawl, encouraging babbling and reading. I mean, how can you parent a baby that needs very little discipline?

Sure, I have taught patience: here's a toy, you have to wait for a second while I finish ____. I have taught love: hugs, cuddles, kisses, attention, looks. I have taught sleep: here's your crib, it's bedtime and now sleep peacefully for 12 hours. It hasn't been so difficult.

So I should have known when I wrote a bit ago about the biggest difficult thus far: I was having the worst guilt and emotions relating to weaning Bradley.

I should have known.

Of course, I pretty much am addicted to TheBump.com forums. I listen to what the other moms and other babies are doing and why and how. And I figure that there are some crazies. But I also figured that this would be a good survey of what other babies and other moms are doing.

Normally, when the majority of the babies are doing something or the moms are doing something, I will think about doing something. Like swaddling babies. And then stopping swaddling. And introducing a sippy cup. And now, weaning to more solids.

WELL WHAT A MISTAKE.

I'm still upset about this, but I want to write while I am still battling this as it will be a great reminder for me for my next baby - and maybe for some of my mom readers (or mom-to-be).

Bradley went to his 9 month appointment, and he was in the 90th for head circumference (17.5 inches), 75th of weight (19 lbs 15 oz) and 25th of height (27.5 inches). Looks good to me.

WRONG.

Bradley dropped 15 percentiles for his weight and didn't grow much in height. He's always been 90 for head/90weight/50 for height. He's dropping percentiles too quickly.

What's his milk schedule, the pediatrician asks.

I respond proudly that I nurse him twice in the mornings and twice at night, but he's taking juice and solids all other meals!

The pediatrician says, Really?

And that's when I knew. Here it comes.

A baby at month 9 should receive the majority of his calories and nutrients from milk. My baby was receiving 25-50% of his calories from milk. My baby wasn't getting what he needs. He needed another 15-20 more ounces of milk than he's getting.

It's simple input-output: if he's not getting what he needs, how can he gain weight? how can he grow taller? how can he hit all his milestones? how can he become a healthy boy?

Clearly, I felt like a failure. So I called my good friend from college who is now a pediatrician right away. I said, I love my pediatrician, but I think he's wrong. Tell me he's wrong. And my friend said, You're not going to want to hear this, but he's right. He's missing a lot of calories, a lot of nutrients, a lot of milk or formula. You have to make some changes.

So we have. We stopped doing as much blw (table food) and went back to purees of vegetables. Cut down on his water and juice. Added back his lunch nursing. Tried offering formula (he hates it!). Offer more yogurt.

I'm feeling awful. It's clear that he's missing what he needs, and I feel guilty. I ask myself if I would nurse him more if I wasn't working, if I would have introduced formula sooner, if I didn't read the forums.

Of course, all those moms are also seeing huge percentile declines in their babies now, too, and most of the pediatricians don't seem to mind. I don't know why I let this get so out of control. I'm taking back control. I'm going to take better care of my kid and rely more on my pediatrician's advice and my friend's advice. I'm going to not do anything if it makes me feel so guilty.

I'm learning from this. And I will be weighing him every two weeks to check on his weight. This surely won't be the last time I fail my son, but I will try my best to avoid failures like this and reliance on the internet in the future.