Controversial Parenting Choices

Sleeping in his crib since Day 1

We believe that there won't be any difficulty of transition if he's always been sleeping in his crib. We are also pretty against co-sleeping for a few reasons, mostly because it's our bed, not the family bed. He's been so great at sleeping in his crib, and we often put him down awake, and he'll fall asleep on his own (10 weeks on).

No Pacifiers
We lost this battle. In the hospital, I didn't want him to have a pacifier because I was worried he would have trouble breastfeeding. So for the first week, he didn't have any pacifiers. But I was gone one day for my checkup, and my mom couldn't calm him, so she gave him a pacifier. It works.

We try to use it as a last resort - or if we're in public at a restaurant or something. It works for when Bryan or the nanny need to calm Bradley before I'm able to get home and feed him.

Cloth Diapers
Bryan was the one who thought we should do cloth diapering. I didn't realize there was a whole culture and "type" of parenting behind cloth diapering. He wanted to do it, and now that we're in so far, I can't remember his original reasoning. I like it because I think it's super cute on his bum. It's also great that we don't have to run out to the store if we're low on diapers. And given the choice, I'd want my butt in some soft microfleece rather than plasticy cotton.

We use disposables when we're out for the day in Tulsa, and we use them at night. We have a "fancy" baby who won't stay in a wet diaper for more than a minute or two. Imagine our shock when we switched to disposables at night and he slept way longer.

The laundry isn't that bad. We have 20 newborn and 20 all in ones that he should be able to wear until he's 2. I love the colors, and I love knowing he's in the most comfortable diaper out there.
Holding As Much As Possible/Desired

This is something both sides of the family think is stupid/bad for the baby. Everything I've read says there's no proven evidence that shows not holding your baby helps them with independence. My thinking was: I carried this baby for nine months, I want to keep carrying him. Also, everyone kept saying, this will go by fast, and so I wanted to spend 80% of my time holding him, even when he was sleeping, so I could soak up all the memories, the baby smell, the little features, everything.

I put him down when I needed to do something, and I handed him off to family or Bryan when I felt like I could, but I just wanted to hold him. I'd never gotten to hold a baby so small before, and as the mother, I could hold him as long as I wanted: he was mine! So I did. And I have no regrets. None. I would hold him all day long again for six weeks straight if I could.

And now, at 11 weeks, he's great. He loves to be held, but there are times when he's fussing because he wants to sit in his bouncer and watch us from afar. He's gaining independence AND I got to hold him as much as I wanted.

My biggest advice to new moms would be to hold your baby all the time. Isn't there going to be a day when they won't want to cuddle? Or when they will be too big? Or when you'll have to work all day? I got my fill of baby cuddles, and I loved it.

Half Glasses of Wine
After nine months of no alcohol (Ben and Adrienne's wedding was my last hoorah), I wanted my red wine. And boy was that first sip delicious. I enjoy and appreciate wine even more. I've lost my taste for beer, and I haven't touched liquor, but my wine...oh, I love my red wine.

I think a half glass of wine is nothing to be ashamed of. And I would also enjoy the half glass right after he nursed, so I had at least an hour and upwards of three before he would need to nurse again. I go by the: Sober enough to drive, sober enough to nurse.

Now that Bradley sleeps 5-6 hours at night, I can enjoy a full glass (or two!) with Bryan at night. And I would never do that unless I was sure Bradley wouldn't need me...or I had a stash.

No Sleep Sacks
Mostly because they are UGLY. U-G-L-Y. I hate them. I also think they make boys look like girls. My mother bought me two, and I told her that I wanted to return them. She said, No, you'll love them in the middle of the night for diaper changes. Well, I tried it, and I hated it. So I was right!

He looked like a girl and it was much harder than a onesie. My baby sleeps in a onesie with snaps, swaddled in a blanket. Nowadays, we have a mod swad - but that's different.


9:00-10:00 Bedtime
Well, this turned out to be a pretty poor decision. It worked (I guess) for the first five weeks, but then he'd start crying at 8. So we put him to bed at 8. Then he started crying at 7, so we put him to bed at 7, and I think 7 works best now.

We were crazy thinking our baby could stay up so late. There are occasions when we keep him out late (comedy shows), and he stays up late, but it is certainly not a good idea for his regular bedtime.

Nanny/Working Mom/Stay at Home Dad
While nannies have been around forever, many people think we're crazy. I think you're crazy if you think I'm going to trust my tiny newborn to daycare in my wretched little town. The daycares are in warehouses or dirty houses. No, I knew I wanted someone to watch my baby and only my baby since before I was pregnant. And it's the best decision for us - Bradley can stay in his own environment, be around someone that's not his parents (BIG controversy - parents should be the only ones parenting says my father in law) and I can return to work.

I've already written about the difficulty with being a working mom, and that's controversial enough. Bryan has arranged his schedule to be home MWF, and it's great because during my maternity leave, I barely let him hold Bradley. So now he gets uninterrupted time with him. They have a great time, and they do things that I don't do with him - and things the nanny doesn't do with him. And I think that's awesome.

My son is getting to learn that people are different and that when you hang out with one person, it will be totally different than hangingout with someone else. With Bryan, they sing songs (They Might Be Giants or Cake), do lots of time on the activity gym, naked time, baths and watch cartoons. With the nanny, they do cuddling, reading her literature (she's an English major and they read the Raven yesterday) and she speaks softly. With me, we cuddle, I talk (loudly) and try to get him to talk, dress him up in outfits, walk around the house and show him pictures and take pictures. I think it's great for his development, and it's something some family have a hard time believing is the right choice.

Best Products for a 3 Month Old

Bradley is almost three months old, and his needs have definitely changed. We have found that many of these products are amazingly helpful for entertaining our growing baby.

Baby Einstein Panda

He loves this panda so much. It was one of the first things he laughed at. It sits on his changing table, and he can look at it when he's getting changed. It plays music with different instruments when you press his hands and feet. It's pretty cool, but it's funny how much Bradley LOVES the panda. It always makes him smile. Always.

It was the first object he started grabbing at. I think he is learning cause and effect, and he knows that when we touch the panda, it makes a musical sound. So whenever he reaches for it and touches it, we push the music for him. I'm waiting for the day for him to make them music play on his own.

Fisher Price Bouncer

He still LOVES this. He takes his afternoon nap in it. He sleeps for 2-4 hours in it. It's a godsend.

It's also perfect for when I'm getting ready: I just put him in the bouncer and move it to the bathroom while I do my hair and makeup. It's great for making dinner. We give him a spoon and let him watch us cook. We like to take vegetables down to his level, so he can smell them. He really enjoys watchign us make dinner. Often, Bryan and I will be busy talking about our days with Bradley on the bouncer on the floor, and all of a sudden, he'll babble like he wants to be included. It's pretty cute.

Baby Sunglasses

Bradley is kind of a vampire. He hates the light. Loves the dark. If there's a light on, it will take him a good five minutes to get his eyes all the way open. He starts with one eye, then both eyes half open with lots of long blinking, then finally opens and looks around.

Whenever we go outside, he slams his eyes shut. He hates it. So we bought him some sunglasses, and he loves them. He leaves them on, and you can see him open his eyes in the sun more with them on. It's so cute, too. I love stylish baby.

We got the last pair at Carter's - apparently sunglasses are out of stock after July. We scored these on sale for $3.

Baby Gap

Not only is Baby Gap made for fat babies, their onesies go over fat cloth diapers, too. I love how stylish their clothes are, and I'm addicted to their sale rack.

I like to buy tiny versions of what Bryan wears. I think babies in adult clothes is like the cutest thing ever. Now that we're finally out of the tiny clothes, everything Bradley wears is something I have personally picked out and bought for him which means I love anything he wears.

He is so freaking cute in his little man outfits, and with my sister's wedding fast approaching, we bought him a nice dress shirt onesie, a very cute blazer and some sweet shoes. All he needs is pants, but I'm gonna buy that closer to the trip.



Skip Hop Activity Gym
I HAD to buy this because it had owls. Babies R Us, Buy Buy Baby and Pottery Barn Kids all sell it - but different versions. We got the Pottery Barn Kids version because the colors were more muted and the animals were cuter. For a long time, he never noticed anything about it. It was like laying on a boring blanket, and I thought we'd wasted our money.

Until he hit two months old: then he LOVED it.

First, he enjoyed looking at everything. Then he liked swatting at everything. Then he liked holding the tags, the tails, the hoops, the animals.

In a good mood, he can spend about 20 minutes playing. His newest trick is to kick the plush bars and watch ALL the toys move.

What I love is that the animals are easily rearranged. Since he loves the bird most (wish he loved one of the owls best!), we move that one closest to him. The others are all second place after the bird.

Mod Swad

We bought this after seeing Zach Ward's baby in a straight jacket like blanket. And when this came, we experienced our first four hour long stretch, then four and a half, then five, and the other night six hours. This is the most awesome sleep tool!

First, it's super soft. I want a blanket made for me out of it!

Second, it's very easy. All you have to do is put your baby on it, zip it up and button at the top. Instant swaddle.

Bradley loves it. He just thinks it's hilarious once he's all zipped up. And even if he was just laughing a few minutes ago, once he's swaddled and laid down in the crib, he's asleep in minutes - and STAYS asleep! I think this is my favorite product.

Best Products for a Newborn

Carter's Swaddle Blankets
I bought and registered a bunch of the cute receiving blankets from Babies R Us. And they were TINY! Even for Bradley as a newborn. Their uses have been to cover his cold body or cover my breast in public.

Carter's blankets are awesome - they can't be found in Carter's stores (well, that would be too easy), but you can find them in Macy's, JC Penny and Dillards. We use them to swaddle every night.

Fisher Price Bouncer

This is my favorite thing we've bought Bradley.

It serves as a great place to put him when we're not holding him, and when he was little, he would just nap and nap in it. It has really soothing music (that isn't annoying) and vibrations that help keep him asleep.

We would often put him in there in the afternoons in the first two weeks and catch naps while he napped. It's a great place to put him, too, if I needed to shower or eat and I was home alone.

Eddie Bauer Travel System
We LOVE our stroller and carseat combo. I wish I would have waited a few more weeks to buy because they came out with an awesome blue design. But we've got the red. It's okay. I've come to terms with my impulsive buys. Patience!

The stroller passes the one handed test: both up and down. And the carseat snap easily into the base in the car. You kind of have to be a pro to get it out, but we've learned how. When we first put him in the carseat, he'd scream and scream, but after a week, he'd just wimper and get over it. The stroller is a godsend at the mall - and Bradley was too small for the stroller as a newborn, so we'd just snap his carseat in the stroller and keep going with the day. The undercarriage has great space, and there's room for FOUR cups. Shut the front door.

Boppy Pillow

I wouldn't be breastfeeding without this device. We brought it with us to the hospital, and the nurses were so h appy to see it. Supporting a 7 or 8 pound newborn while trying to adjust yourself and keep him steady for 20-40 minutes is tough. The boppy pillow was incredible at that.

There's an alternative, but it's called my Breast Friend which I would not buy on principle. I'm sure it's a fine product though.

Tears and Fears and Beers

To say I've had a rough week is an understatement.

I've had a terrible, no good, rotten week. Nothing tragic: my house didn't burn down, no one died and I wasn't robbed. But it's the addition of little mishap after mishap that has broken me.

Yesterday, I cried in the shower. A long, sad, sorrow cry. And it was justified. As if cries ever need validation.

Work has been a tumbling mess. On Monday, everything was fine. On Tuesday, it was a battleground, relationships in flames and feelings suffering. On Wednesday, the war was over, but the air was stale with discomfort and recovering emotions.

My nanny has been incredible despite the awkward schedule. Tuesday, I took a very short lunch, and she had little time to run out for food and relax. And then I was late getting home. And yesterday, I was late getting home with Bryan. And the poor baby has been feeling it. By the end of the day, he's fussy and the only thing that will calm him is his mom's cuddles and the boob.

And after a long day, all I want is to lay down in the dark for a few minutes, have a glass of wine and be silent until all the mess of the day is forgotten.

With a baby, that can't happen. I'm overwhelmed. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. And Bradley can't help himself. He still needs hugs, diaper changes, nursing, and attention. And he needs his mom.

When all of this came to a climax last night and I thought I'd never survive, Bradley went to bed from 7pm to 1am. The first six hour stetch. And then from 1:30-6:30.

It's like he knew. He knew that I couldn't handle another bad day. I couldn't handle any more stress.

And all of a sudden, everything was better. Like when the sun comes out after a crappy, cloudy day. He went to bed, Bryan and I just stood hugging each other in the kitchen, saying nothing, just loving the crap out of each other for one long, quiet moment.

When it got too much to bear, all of a sudden, it was easy again.

And when morning came, the mishaps didn't bother me. I didn't have time to eat breakfast, so I threw a Luna bar in my purse. Bradley spit up half his morning feeding all over my work outfit, so I changed into something else.

I'm maintaining my calm, whispering to myself "This too shall pass" and just waiting for the moments of long hugs with Bryan.

Le sigh. Life.

Life nowadays

While I felt like the first weeks home with Bradley were a blur. A blur of the same this and that over and over until I got faster and better and happier. I was tired from not sleeping, happy from spending so much time cuddling my little infant and surprised at how naturally my mothering came to me.

The last two weeks have been a blur - but a different kind of blur. The kind of blur that comes when things are moving way too fast instead of the blur created by lack of sleep combined with repitition. My life has gotten even faster, even better, and I've become happier (please don't kill me for this).

I really like the new routine of working.

That's probably blasphemous for many.

I just like it. I like putting on heels and cardigans and dress pants and pearls and my nice watch and a dress and knowing it won't get messed. I like my office with a door I can close without feeling guilty. I like my staff of students that I can ask to do things for me without feeling like a nag. I like the sense of accomplishment when I complete a tough project or help a student or fix a problem. I like meetings. I like it.

And I feel guilty for liking it. I can't shake it.

I just feel judged for saying that I like it. Like I should secretly enjoy working but complain about how it's not as great as being home all day with my baby.

But I can't. Maybe I thrive on being contrary. Maybe I am not that maternal. Maybe I'm just a career woman.

I think I'm a better wife and a better mom for it.

I LOVED my weekend. Friday night was so awesome. We ordered pizza and hung out at home. I cuddled Bradley until bedtime, and after he went to bed, Bryan and I ate the last of our Halloween candy (is it not Halloween yet?) and stayed up like old times.

Saturday, we all woke up in good moods and decided to go to Tulsa. I bought Bradley a ridiculous amount of clothes from Baby Gap in the next size up - Bryan was distracted holding Bradley. We walked around the mall, had lunch at the Olive Garden where I got to enjoy some wine, and just had a good outing. That night, we put Bradley down early and ate freezer spaghetti sauce (from when Bryan's mom was in town).

Yesterday, we never left the house. We all stayed in pajamas, never showered and never did anything of value. Just family day. We made Bradley laugh, tried to get him to crawl, sang songs, got him to hold a pen and made jokes about being a fat CEO, ordered diapers and wipes from Target online because we were too lazy to go out and buy them in the store. It was truly a beautiful day.

And I'm not sure I'd love lazy weekends as much if I wasn't so busy during the week.

Granted, I'm trying to slow down. The middle of the night feedings won't last forever (I've just realized), and I am now cherishing them. Screw the books that say don't make eye contact. I love making him smile. I love kissing him and telling him I love him. I'm happy to get up and cuddle him.

I'm trying to realize that being a few minutes late somewhere doesn't matter that much if it means letting Bradley finish eating. Or get his diaper changed. Or get a few more kisses.

Also, I've plataued at my weight. I'm pretty disappointed, but my doctor says that I'm at a crossroads. If I want to lose the last 10-12 pounds, I need to stop breastfeeding. And I'm not sure that I'm ready for that. I want to look hot, but I can't yet imagine giving up my close bond with Bradley that breastfeeding gives us.

There's a lot going on. Clearly. But I'm happy. I like my job, love my husband, love my son, love my weekends and am excited for all the trips planned in the coming weeks.

 

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in awhile, you might miss it.

Middle of the night confessions

I haven't slept longer than four hours for any stretch since July 26.

I ate nachos for dinner with two big glasses of wine. Hallelujah for Friday.

There's a mess in my house and I'm 99% responsible. It's my shoes, mail, jackets, purses, glasses and fun sized pretzel M&Ms wrappers.

I took Bradley out in 50-something degree weather (yes, it's cold!) without socks. Every old lady noticed and commented. NOTE: he was wearing jeans that were too long for him which I thought might also count as socks.

I still am not sure how to feel about breastfeeding -and almost meeting my three month goal. I'm a wibbly wobbly ball of mixed feelings: happy, proud, embarrassed, womanly, trapped, empowered.

I secretly love middle of the night nursing and diaper change. Just me and my baby. Any smiles are just for me, and when I pick him up, those cuddles melt my heart. Give me a hungry Bradley with a dirty diaper any time of the dark, creaky night and I'll happily cuddle the little guy (unless I have done this within the last three hours).

I had my student go buy me coffee in the middle of the work day for the first time. It was surprisingly not awkward.

Cancer

Cancer is such a bitch.

Brain Dump

Work is insanely busy, and with a recent fire of a student worker, I had to re-assign the China trip. Thankfully, we have students chomping at the bit to travel abroad.

I'm planning my first trip to Canada in almost twenty years. How can I be old enough to say something like that?

My baby is laughing! What? He's growing up and while most of the day he is entirely serious, I can make him laugh. It is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Speaking of babies, I'm going to the doctor - a real one! Not just a pregnancy doctor! I'm doing my consultation before the insertion of my IUD (my preferred method of birth control, y'all). No more babies for a little bit. Bradley is about all we can handle right now. Maybe later I'm blog about future baby plans.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand tomorrow's Friday.

Bath monster

Bath time has become fun. No one screams or cries.

I mean, it's not fun enough to do every day. Or every other day. But maybe every three days. Or four.

Our record is a week.

What? It's not like he gets thaaaat dirty.

Freakin' Weekend

What a wonderful weekend.

Friday night was awesome. We went out, came home, put the dude to bed and stayed up late talking and playing games and drinking.
Exhibit A:

Saturday we slept in until a glorious 8am. I forget what we did, but I'm sure it was relaxing. At some point, we left to go out for lunch and go grocery shopping for the first time in two weeks. Meal planning for the win!

This week's menu is awesome!
Sunday - lunch: turkey and lettuce wraps with baby carrots and Sunchips
              dinner: filet mingon with mashed potatoes and roasted brocolli with red wine (I died)
Monday - lunch: homemade pasta salad with chicken and veggies
                dinner: vegetable fried rice
Tuesday - lunch: fried rice balls
                dinner: pulled pork sandwiches with coleslaw and any remaining pasta salad
Wednesday - lunch: pulled pork sandwiches with any remaining coleslaw and Sunchips
                 dinner: chicken, brocolli and onion orzo
Thursday - lunch: pulled pork nachoes
                  dinner: out (Bryan has a night class)
Friday - lunch: out with Bryan and Bradley
              dinner: spaghetti and whole grain breadsticks

Finally, I've got my shit together! I can menu plan like a genius, and our grocery bill for the week was under $80 ($79.something but still!).

We stayed up late watching Doctor Who and playing a drinking game where we had to drink anytime someone said "Doctor" or whenever Rory made a stupid face.

Yesterday, we cleaned the house. Deep cleaned - for the first time since my mom left six weeks ago. Man, it feels nice to live in a clean house. And I cleaned out the fridge and the pantry. And Bryan did like twenty loads of laundry. And we ate the most delicious dinner.

Too bad Bradley had a terrible night. I am so exhausted. Thankfully, my boss is still out of town, and my day consists of re-training students and catching up on work. Tomorrow will be INSANE.

I'm loving the routine, and it really makes my time with Bradley even more special. Today, Bryan's bringing Bradley to the office since I'm taking out my lead student staff member for lunch (she has requested the baby at lunch). It will be fun to have the little guy in my office!

SIDE (sad) NOTE: my supply has dropped like crazy. Probably from dehydration. Probably from my lazy weekend mornings (and lazy refusal to pump). Oatmeal, oatmeal and water like crazy. And hopefully this will fix it.