A lengthy (albeit long overdue) brain dump

Often when life becomes overwhelming, I withdraw. I hide. I don't take calls. I forget to text back. I sit quietly and read or watch tv. And (shocker) I don't blog.

So, in the two weeks since I last wrote, Bryan came home. HOORAY! Life is so much better with him.

We performed a show in Oklahoma City on Saturday. It was awesome! I think we hadn't performed in a bit but we were excited and we spent all day together making jokes in Buy Buy Baby 

and taking a baby to an arcade where he could do very little

And reading (and nursing) in Bricktown 

And then we warmed up before the show.

Bradley has become the perfect improv groupie. He naps in the car on the way to our show, we wander around somewhere (a mall, a park, a museum, wherever), get back in the car and let him nap, then dinner, then show for call time well rested and well fed.

Bradley LOVES improv warm ups. This was our first show where we didnt try to put him to sleep. This was his first real green room experience. He stated and laughed and pointed and laughed and laughed. It was a great new perspective on how silly improv is.

We set up his travel own and both got dressed into "hot date" attire while he looked around and begged for attention from whoever looked at him. His girlfriend in OKC came to play with him during our set.

He even sat at watched the first half of the ten o'clock show. I couldn't have been happier! My little improv baby.

We took Bradley to see monsters inc!

And a short list:

My new boss starts next week.

I'm trying to diet with weight watchers. It's hard.

My best friend from high school is getting married on Saturday.

Bradley is now eleven months and some days. 

My big beach vacation is less than a month away!

And Bradley signed back. MY BABY IS A GENIUS. First sign: all done. He understands food, more, all done, book and milk. It's adorable. He signs all done all te time: when we pick him up from daycare, at dinner, at the end of bath, diaper changes (hilarious), going outside. He is a genius!

Oklahoma

Oooooooklahoma

Doesn't get more Oklahoman than this.

Brief update: chaos dispersed

Bryan is home from China. Bradley and I are home from Florida.

We are all home together. Yesssssssssss.

And we will just slip back into our lazy, cuddly, relaxed weeknight at home. Just like that.

Well, even better because I know what I'm missing. Dang, those were some long days. I'm happy happy happy to have my Bryan home.

Deja vu: working, missing and diagnosing

Working

Today, I dropped Bradley off at daycare with all the essentials and went to work. Busy but effective. I planned a lunch with a friend who also works at the university. We put on sunglasses, jumped in my car and sped off for bottomless tortilla chips and flautas.

Missing

Bryan is having an amazing time. I'm so happy for him. I miss him like crazy though. I'm creeped out at night, and the 13 hour time difference makes for just two quick Skype calls in my evenings, his morning and my morning, his evening. I am really soaking in these feelings so I can harness them for kind words and helping with chores after he returns.

Diagnosing

Twenty minutes into lunch, the daycare calls. Bradley has a rash all over his body. He needs to be picked up. I throw down my fork, call the waiter and day it's an emergency we must leave! I had barely had three bites, but I was swept up in the drama of rescuing my baby! I left cash and as we walked to the car, I realized I had to take my friend with me to get the babe. We do, drop friend off, call my boss and go to the pediatrician.

He diagnoses him with some weird thing, not strep. (HOW CAN YOU WHOOPSIE STREP THROAT A KID?) I look up the name and google doesn't give me satisfaction.

I call my friend the pediatrician and he confirms it's a real virus. Just not strep. So I'm told to stop his meds which makes me feel like an asshole for giving bradley medicine he didnt like and didnt need! Frustrating.

Now I'm rocking the boy and answering work emails from my phone. This is the chaos of a working mom with a husband away: of course the baby would get sick!

The last 48 hours: missing a husband, caring for a sick baby and dropping pounds

My husband is gone. Le sigh. He spent all of yesterday flying halfway around the world to Shanghai. He landed safely and (of course) ate all his snacks during the flight. YOU WILL REGRET THAT ON THE FLIGHT BACK!

My baby is sick. Not even 30 minutes after Bryan called me to say he was turning off his phone and flying to china, daycare called to say Bradley had to be picked up immediately because he had a fever. 

I took him straight to the pediatrician.

Well, almost. He fell asleep on the way, so I drove through a fast food joint to pick up a diet Dr. Pepper (0 points!) and two legs (2 points apiece). It was lunch time and of course, my baby needed his nap! Fried chicken was just collateral.

So the verdict is strep throat. Two medications, both of which he hates. Fantastic. I've tried mixing it in yogurt, in purées, in water, in juice, on a spoon full of sugar. Nothing works. So I just hold his fat little face back and squirt it in. Don't worry, I chase it with his favorite yogurt. Sorry dude.

Today was rough. I had to stay home from work because my fat baby couldn't go back yet. Today also happened to beS day of big meetings: my first summer staff meeting, my already rescheduled meeting with my boss and an afternoon meeting with international students and the President. So naturally, today is the day I had to stay home. 

Once I got over missing work, I enjoyed being the mom. I was the only one Bradley would have wanted to spend his sick day with. He wanted to play with his toys...in my lap. He wanted to play with my hair, to give kisses, to hug, to be held, to eat my food. It was sweet.

That picture is from yesterday. We had a sweet day and I didn't even take pictures! (Now I'm kicking myself!)

We cuddles, he napped in my arms and we played. Mostly we just cuddled. It reminded me of maternity leave because literally I held him all day. He hasn't wanted to be held this much since maybe 4 months ago. It was sweet. And I felt like a super mom. I cared for him and he is better now (I hope!).

Oh, and my weight watcher journey is so far so good! I'm down three pounds in three days. Lets see on Sunday! I feel okay. I'm not hungry but I haven't felt "full." Maybe I have equated "stuffed" with "full" or something. I'm excited to see the results. Lord knows I need to drop a little!

So lets see how the rest of the week goes! Can't get any tougher than the last 48 hours.

I understand diets!!!!

Okay, so in a perfect vacuum of a world, I could eat as many cupcakes and fun size Hershey bars and drink as many Dr. Peppers and glasses of Sauvignon blanc and watch as many tv shows and sit as much as I wanted.

If I do this in reality, my weight creeps up on me.

But! I can dress cute and I'm short and I'm smiley so my weight isn't a very noticeable trait. Especially next to my fat baby.

As my fat baby thins and grows and becomes less a baby and more a toddler (yes, like a month away to one year), my weight is becoming more noticeable...and more prominent. Because I lost after having Bradley, plateaued and am now gaining again.

They say nine months on, nine months off, and ok ok that's great. Yes, I wish. Well, not happening here. I missed that boat, but I am not gonna miss them all. C'mon one year boat, I'm gonna try to catch you. And every pound lost is still a win.

I have my reasons for not losing. I'm still nursing. My job is crazy right now. I have no time. It's messy. It requires too much thinking. It isn't fun.

Well boo hoo.

I look fat in pictures because I am.

Well boo hoo.

Enough. Lets do something. So I made the huge leap to Weight Watchers. It costs money, but it's really fun. It's very laissez faire. You get daily points and everything costs points. Except some fruits and veggies, those are 0.

I UNDERSTAND HOW DIETS WORK NOW!

You eat delicious things like cake and soda and chips and they're so delicious so you eat so much and then you gain.

On diets, you make healthy low point meals and they're good (not amazing) and you eat until you're full because there's no sense in overrating something that is just ok.

I GET IT!

Note: on my week of Weight Watchers, I have one more day. I have 13 weekly points left and 26 daily points for tomorrow. On my last day I have a huge balance of points. Which is perfect since I'll be eating dinner at my parents' restaurant!

Note on progress: I feel skinnier (maybe it's motivation to be thinner) and good and wore dresses everyday this week. Oh, and I lost four pounds! Booyah.

Note on what I ate: a ton of watermelon, fried chicken drumsticks (without skin, well maybe a crumb or two), diet Dr. Pepper (yuck!), veggies, apples, flank steak, and chicken. And one donut (7 pp) never again!

Things I miss about Bryan

In no particular order:

Someone to make fun of the Bachelorette while I watch it.

Someone to take out the trash. It's heavy! And stinky!

Someone to cuddle with at night. I have to sleep with the lights on!

Someone to kill the bugs. There's been two spiders, one roach and a grasshopper. C'mon.

Someone to help in the mornings. Man, it's hard to get ready, get a baby ready, feed both of us, pack a purse and a daycare bag,  and still play a little.

Someone to vent when the baby is sick. I've alternated between my parents, Bryan's parents, my coworkers and my friends. No one cares as much as Bryan would. 

Someone to share a <strike>bottle</strike> glass of wine.

Someone to go get me another bowl of watermelon.

Someone to wash the dishes.

Someone to tell me to get off my phone.

Life lately

I need to update more. Geez.

Well, Bryan leave tomorrow for a two week trip to China. I'll be a full time working mom with a kid in daycare. Comments freak out.

Today I started Weight Watchers. I need some help with my diet and weight loss. I gained with pregnancy (understandable), but I haven't lost too much due to breaatfeeding and my addiction to cookies, Dr. Pepper and chocolate. Lets see how I do. Hoping for about 30 pounds less. I'll take whatever I can get.

We went to Dallas for my birthday. It was lovely. A nice drive, a trip to ikea, a delicious brunch, a shopping trip for a birthday outfit (a dress and a blazer) and a trip to the zoo. It was perfect.

We are watching 30 Rock from the beginning. We never got into it, and now we are into it. 

Oh, it was my birthday. I'm not as into birthdays as I used to be, but it was a good day. Bradley slept in, Bryan got me a donut, my coworkers surprised me with a huge, embarrassing lunch complete with good food from Japan, china, India and Mexico. Bryan took me to dinner and I had shrimp and steak and way too many drinks. It was fantastic. Oh, I'm 26. Which I already like better than 25.

And Bryan leaves me tomorrow. Ahhh!

I've decided on a theme for my fat baby's first birthday. Mustachio Bashio!!

Ok, I will think of an update for Bradley's 10 month and put it up here. And upload pictures to Facebook. And handle being a single parent for a week and a half. And try to drop some extra pounds. Wish me luck , ladies.

Work trip and daycare

This week has been a big week.

I went on my second work trip of the year for a big conference for international educators.

And, Bradley started daycare.

They are not related, but they have had a terrible effect on my son.

I left at 4am on Wednesday morning to a sad baby who was too tired. That morning Bryan said he fed him yogurt but Bradley kept looking over his shoulder and around for me. Sad.

Then Bryan took him to daycare. (Picture below-wish I could figure out how to get the picture to go here) he screamed. He cried. My poor baby must have thought I ran away and without me, Bryan was going to abandon him here with this lady and these other three kids.

He had a rough day. They took him to the infant room since he needed to be held a lot. He cried a lot. He didnt eat their food but ate four things of baby purée. And when Bryan picked him up, he was screaming until Bryan held him.

All the while, I'm at my conference doing my dream job and pumping in bathrooms (c'mon man. This sucks).

Today, Bryan tried to give Bradley milk for breakfast. But the kid wouldn't take it. Or formula. Or juice. Kid was pissed. Day care didn't go well. They called Bryan to pick him up since he wasn't eating.

Bryan hates the infant room lady. And Bryan hates seeing Bradley so upset. And Bryan hates having me gone. It's all around no good.

So the guys are gonna make the short 45 minute flight up here so Bradley won't have abandonment issues.

Again, I feel horrible. I feel like the daycare was the best opportunity. I feel like me leaving would be good for me, for Bryan and for Bradley. But it's all going terrible. So terribly that I'm trying to plan out alternative scenarios: go back to babysitters? Do a smaller daycare ratio 2:1? Quit my job (let's not consider too much)?

I just don't like it. If I hated my job, it would be easy. But I don't. I love my job. I don't want my family to suffer.

What kind of asshole lets her baby cry for days on end while enjoying sushi and workshops and heels and meetings and wine? Me. I'm the asshole.

So I've got to think. My current plan is to finish up the conference which ends tomorrow evening, see my guys this weekend and take next week day by day. If by Tuesday Bradley is not happy, then I'm gonna have to make a change.

Baby Bradley photo dump