Parenting a baby tip #4

When you are letting your baby cry - and you know they're clean, fed, warm, safe and sleepy - close the door.

Mama always wins

Tonight Bryan and I had a business dinner in Tulsa with a Chinese expert, my assistant, my boss and his wife, and the other professor going with us to china and his wife. It was kind of a big deal.

We practiced the toasts, the seating, the conversation. We tried many different dishes and talked about what an adventure we were about to take.

All the while, our babysitter had Bradley at the mall just ten minutes away. I thought it would be a good idea since it was bedtime and he might be fussy.

He had a good time.

For about thirty minutes. Then he cried. Then he screamed. After thirty minutes, our babysitter called us to ask if we could come pick them up.

Bryan left. I helped finish dinner and then left with Bryan, Bradley and the babysitter. After nursing Bradley, he was better.

Until after about fifteen minutes...then he lost it. Total freak out.

What got him to calm down? A pacifier, me singing and petting his head. Within thirty seconds, he was asleep.

Boom. Mama wins.

Sometimes I doubt my ability as a mother. But moments like that, I feel like I am the perfect mom for my kid. I am what he needs. I'm the Mama, and I got this!

Confessions

I think all things crocheted are ugly.

I tried spanx and it was not worth the uncomfortable squeezing to look a little skinnier.

I wish all the time that my baby would always be a baby.

I think most people with PhDs are arrogant, but I find my husband's doctoral degree incredibly sexy.

There is no such thing as too much cheese. Or too much wine. Especially when The Bachelor is on.

Bradley lately

Love the weekends

Friday night I saw the current play put on by the theatre department. It was good and a fun night out. Although, it's hard for me to find scripted comedy as funny or fresh as improvised comedy.

Yesterday we had some friends over for games and pizza. We had a great time and bradley was awesome. Bryan and I stayed up late with a bottle of wine and season one of Archer. Bryan's been into since the first episode, and finally, I'm trying to get into it!

Today, I'm cuddling bradley and watching tv while he naps and while Bryan sleeps in. Our only plans are to play with his new balls, make pork for dinner and hang out.

My baby's journey to eating food

I love food.

Clearly, in some periods of my life, I love food so much I cannot stop myself from enjoying it.

I like to cook. I like to chop. I like to bake. I like to read food blogs. I love free samples at the grocery store.

I love to eat.

My son...doesn't. I mean, he's fat so he eats. But he eats milk. And by eats I mean drinks.

Eating is tough. It's a skill. I never really thought about it. You have to learn it.

My son is learning to eat.

He's learning to taste, to swallow, to gnaw, to suck, to bite. He loves to put EVERYTHING in his mouth. It's the swallowing and actually eating that's hard.

But we're trying. We are doing purées and chunks and raw veggies and pieces of our dinner. He's learning. And trying. And still nursing. I'm ready to stop. But I can't without knowing he can eat some real food!

Luckily, tonight he liked peaches. Or at least tolerated them. And let me take pictures!

Ok, I'll tell all.

In watching Sean Tells All. I have watched many a season of The Bachelor. It's a super guilty pleasure. And I know that other ladies watch it. And you love it.

Here are some other confessions:
I routinely throw away post-it notes. Sometimes they have ToDo lists, and then I forget to do something. And then I'm mad at myself.

I clean my kitchen counters because my nanny comes for the next three days. I don't want her to think we are slobs. If she didn't come, those crumbs would still be there.

Bradley got his first $1. As the son of an economist, this is a big day. As the son of the lady whose grandmother sent it, this is awesome. Ok, moments like these are my sweet spot of mothering.

We keep trying to diet, but how the heck do you fit in exercise AND healthy dinners? I keep saying at 9pm that I'll run in the mornings but I never do. It's too col. I'm too tired. Bradley might wake up. Where are my workout clothes? My boobs hurt. It's too dark out. What if I get sore/hurt? I mean, I need to just DO IT.

The most juicy gossip I heard is actually the most relatable, heart-wrenching secret I've heard. Yikes.

And, I made a slideshow today. I needed Bryan's help because I am a fool in Powerpoint. He is a genius. Also, while he came by the office to help, he fixed the projector keyboard which has been broken for what seems like forever and finished off some cookies. That is so love.

Fat baby, meet fat baby

Bradley met a baby who was a week older than him. It was adorable, hilarious and like a mirror.

A peek into Monday night

Monday nights are the stretches before the week.

We are recovering from a weekend vacation, but it's still a normal Monday night.

Home by 5:15, play with Bradley, start dinner (tonight was leftover pasta), eat dinner, play with Bradley, Bryan runs to work, I stay home and do the bedtime thing. When Bradley's asleep, I watch the Bachelor, and I get some wine and time to myself while Bryan gets his time.

The suitcase is unpacked, thanks to Bryan.
The grocery list/menu is planned, thanks to me.
There are new books to read, thanks to grandparents.
There's a few pieces of chocolate, thanks to NCCAF.

And of course, there's silence and grown up time, thanks to Bradley who (despite all the craziness of three nights of comedy shows, two nights of party, snow and four flights) is back to his 6:30 bedtime and staying asleep. Sweet Lordy, that kid is amazing.

Life isn't all wonderful, but if I can have a weekend where I see beautiful people from all times of my life: high school friends, college buddies, dsi people, Philadelphia comedians, semi-famous instructors, mentors, idols, accomplices, crushes and new favorites; if I can have a weekend where live, totally unscripted, complete make em ups are celebrated, where one ridiculous, indie hobby of improvisation is the star; if I can perform a show (whether or not it's amazing) with the funny guy who I love in front of his parents, our friends and our fat baby; if our half a year old Bradley can handle all the craziness of an improv festival, I might need to take a moment of silence. For how awesome this weekend was,

I live in Oklahoma. But this weekend, I could've lived anywhere.

Shout out to Colette who is just as beautiful as she is in instagrams. Thanks girl, for getting dinner and watching the show with me. Loved it!

Parenting: Do What You Gotta Do

Bryan and I have always agreed that what we do just needs to fit with what we need and what we want. We began our relationship is a flurry of rumors and cold shoulders. From then, we realized it didn't matter what people thought of what we did: if we did right by ourselves, we were doing it right.

We're pretty different from our families. We moved away. We do performance comedy. We travel often. We drink in excess. We play weird games. We don't do chores. We rarely diet. We just don't care.

When we announced my pregnancy, I was pretty worried. I didn't want to be one of those people who become obsessed with their baby, their family, their boring domestic life.

When we had Bradley, I was still worried. I had become a mother. I had lost my cool card.

Or so I thought.

But I still have all my friends. I still travel. I still have my job. I still have a silly marriage. I still perform comedy. I still drink in excess. I still hate chores. I'm still me. I just have a little dude.

It was extremely important to me that I didn't lose myself in motherhood. But, what I've found is that motherhood is different things to different ladies. I had it in my lady brain that my way was the best way. And it was/is FOR ME. Some ladies want to become mothers and be first a mother. That's awesome. If that's what you want.

This has become my mantra: do what you gotta do.

Bryan loves it - especially with his anarchist, freedom-loving, relaxed life perspective. I love it because it really frees me from feeling like I have to do things a certain way and when I don't, I have failed.

Cloth diapering? Go for it. I tried it. It worked. Until it didn't. Then I switched to disposables. Now that works. Do what you gotta do.

BLW? Tried it. It's fun. I'll keep trying it. Bradley started vomitting when he got a chunk of food in his mouth. Then I switched to purees. He loved the smooth, watery way. Made my own and also bought Gerber. Do what you gotta do.

I'm nursing Bradley, but when I don't want to, I'll use formula. I don't judge, and I think it's stupid when people care about this. Are you feeding your kid? Great. Do what you gotta do.

Swaddling? Did it. Then when he started flipping, it wasn't ok to do anymore. So I stopped. But you can bet you ass I swaddled him up until the very last possible night (right before 6 months). Do what you gotta do.

Rock him to sleep? I don't do it, but I do hold him and nurse him to sleep. Am I babying him? Yep. But HE'S A BABY!!! Then he started crying as soon as I put him down, so we cried it out because I couldn't handle holding him every night for 1.5 hours. Do what you gotta do.

Parenting is hard enough. You're just guessing and checking, seeing what works, a constant experiment with ever changing variables and often wrong hypotheses. I've found that you have to trust yourself, do right by yourself, by your partner and by your kid.

I can't think about what our parents will think if we....
I can't think about what our friends will think if we....
I can't think about what our nanny will think if we....
I can't think abotu what strangers will think if we....

I need to only think about what we think is right. What's going to work best for our little family, for our little fat baby. Do what you gotta do.

That being said, the most helpful advice we've gotten in the past six months:
1) Do what you gotta do.
2) When you can't handle the crying, do the Ferber method. After three nights, he started sleeping from 7-6.
3) Be present with your kid - put the phone away and turn off the tv.
4) Go outside, go places, travel. Teach your baby to adapt to the craziness of life.
5) Take pictures. You really don't remember as well as you think you will. The pictures help!