Friday nights nowAdays

Get home from work.
Nurse.
Play.
Call/Skype grandparents.
Bath. Books. Cuddles.
Nurse.
Rock to sleep.
Bryan makes dinner while I run to the liquor store for wine and beer.
Commence drinking, talking and whatever else the hell we wanna do.

Preparing for family portraits

Today our little family of three is getting pictures taken. Not by the amazing Erin Scott (we wish!). Not by Target. Not by Walmart. Not by a friend.

By a local Oklahoma photographer. It has taken me nine months to find someone whose work looked awesome enough to hire. I mean, this photographer is competing against all the photos we have from DC's #1 photographer. They better be amazing.

Well, from what I've seen, they will be.

And as the mother, I've claimed this as my Mother's Day gift (to be an annual event). Which means I get to choose everyone's outfits. Commence the fun.

I have an awesome dress picked out for me and an awesome look for Bryan, but it's my baby that I'm having a hard time with. I want fancy casual. Is that jeans or colored shorts? Super cute toms or flip flops? Cardigan or blazer? Hat or no hat? I mean, I'm paralyzed by choice because he has so many cute clothes. (Clearly, a problem I've created for myself.)

Anyways, I'm excited and I can't wait to see how they turn out. He's napping now which means he should be in an awesome mood for pictures which means I am going to frame pictures of my almost one year old! Ah.

Posts to post soon:
9 month update
The shitstorm
My first big parenting fail...or how the Internet failed me
Debt free Buckleys
Living room makeover...or how my husband thinks I'm crazy

Weekend snapshots

Friday was a terrible day. I came home upset about work and after putting Bradley to bed, Bryan ran to the store to get food and wine and left me to numb my brain with the awful (addicting) Kardashian episodes.

Saturday was a new day. A good day. We played while baby slept. We went to the local festival. We ate samples from a BBQ cookoff. Baby had his first rib. We got a babysitter. We went out for a fancy dinner (with dessert!) and then to a bar.

This morning I woke up with one heel in the living room, the other in the kitchen and clothes everywhere. Last night was a great night.

Seven years today for Bryan and me. What a wild and crazy time.

Today we recovered from our hangovers. We lounged. We made cookies. Bradley and I watched Bryan mow the lawn. We played. We bought healthy food. We ar homemade vegetable soup. And now were relaxing and watching doctor who.

If my home life wasn't so sweet, I wouldn't love weekends this much.

Also Bryan said to me this weekend: I think we should have another kid. WHAT. NOT HAPPENING!!!

Mom rules

There's nothing like knowing I can rock and cuddle my baby as long as I want. Cuz I'm the mom!

After a week of too little baby time, I got to read a few extra stories, get a few extra cuddles and rock him for an extra few minutes.

I love these moments. Bedtime is my favorite part of the day.

I believe in a thing called love.

Yesterday was a pretty rotten day. I'm the only one in the office while the recruiter and GA are on a trip that I was supposed to go on, but I gave it up because I couldn't handle another trip so soon. My decision, my jealousy, myself alone in the office.

On top of that, there's a mess with a program on campus. And two students who came to me because they can't afford to eat. (heartbreaking) And I had a business lunch, so I didn't see my baby like at all yesterday. And two of my student workers skipped the weekly meeting without telling me until minutes before. And I have a doctor's appointment for today for a little lady trouble and I had to call yesterday but didn't have time until right before 5.

BUT.

But, I can choose to feel.

I can choose to love.

So this morning, I woke up an hour early. I showered, picked out my outfit, picked up the house a little and got ready. And then woke my sleeping, fat baby up so we could play. And we played. For an hour. It was a wonderful start to the morning.

And I hung out with Bryan. Instead of rushing and trying to find things and grabbing things as I dash out the door, I sat and enjoyed my family. Would I prefer to have time like this in the evenings? Sure. But that's not happening. So I'm making it happen at 7am.

My job is crazy and the workload is at times overwhelming and sometimes I want to scream or run away or freak out, but my job is awesome. I mean, really fantastic. My students have come all the way across the ocean to be here, in Oklahoma. I couldn't imagnie doing the same. Yes, the people on campus can be frustrating, but really, this is my dream job. And I should swallow my frustration and start acting like it's my dream.

I can choose to love.

And I will. Deep breaths. Big hugs. Love. Love. Love.

Tooooooo(much)sday

What a day. I left at 7:45 and got home at 5:15. I worked all day even at lunch.

I saw my kid for thirty minutes this morning and an hour and a half before bed.

Ugh.

I don't want to hear it when I don't share him. No, you can't hold him. No, I'm gonna hold him right until its time to leave and you better freaking hand him over the second I get home. And yes, I'm going to hold him until my arms give out.

I love that little guy, but I hate long days like this. Hire me a boss please so I can go back to my regular days.

Snip its from the past 24 hours

Oh man, this floor is so freaking clean. The cleanest I've ever seen.

Bradley looks skinnier.

Bryan told me something his guidance counselor told him. If you put a penny in a jar for every time you made love in the first year of your marriage and took one out every time in the second year of your marriage, you would always have leftover pennies in the jar. While that wasn't true for the second year, it has been true for the time after Bradley. Tough.

Me: this strawberry is tart!
Bryan: of course, strawberries are sour
Me: they're supposed to be sweet
Bryan: berries are all kinda sour. That's like their thing.

One trip to the farmers market today to get cheese turned into an afternoon of supporting women by supporting a Walk a Mile run/walk, doing a bounce house with Bradley, seeing old friends, petting a bearded dragon, eating crepes, meeting another couple with a 9 month old boy, and hanging out on a bench talking about science podcasts. Needless to say, pleasantly surprised.

Spaghetti and red wine and doctor who.

Woa.

My kid is almost nine months old and I haven't updated much.

I'm going through emotions as I attempt to wean Bradley's lunch nursing to a full meal of protein, calcium and fluids. I love nursing but the reliance on me has become a reason for me to come home at lunch everyday. Which is great. Except when there's a meeting that runs late. Or a ladies lunch. Or whatever. And you feel guilty because somewhere, your fat baby is hungry and you're not there. That's a lot of pressure. And I'm still happy (except for lunch sessions) with nursing.

I worry that this attempt to give myself freedom at lunch will result in my fat baby's refusal to nurse at any time (which is what my sister did to my mom). Or that I am depriving my kid of the vitamins, amount and fat (really) he needs.

Also, the amount of time I spend with bryan is small. Maybe for a few minutes in the morning to hand off bradley so I can put on my heels or, if Bryan is still sleeping, say a quick goodbye kiss and whisper that the fat baby is asleep and I am jealous of the sleeping. And then after work, we play on the floor with blocks and owls and foxy squirrel and balls. Bryan cooks or picks up food. We do the bedtime routine, and then we have two to four hours before bed. That's not enough time to be silly and serious and watch tv and play games and have a good fight and have a good cuddle and pay taxes.

What's more is I'm in the awkward place between the clothes I wore before I was pregnant (guys, it's been a year and a half since I before I was pregnant.) and the clothes I bought after the fat baby was born. I'm in between two sizes and not really wanting to buy new clothes because I'm on the cusp of losing more weight but I don't yet fit into my old summer clothes. Also those aren't as bright and striped as my wardrobe has become lately. So of course that doesn't help.

So, while I haven't been posting, a lot has been going on in my head. I don't have things totally together right now. But I'm working on it. I'm thinking a lot. Until I know what I really get it, I need to think and fix some things. Then I'll be back.

Of course, my baby is the only thing I take pictures of. So enjoy: baby pictures.

Oh hey stranger

Ok you know, blogging is harder than it used to be.

Brain dump:
Bradley sleeps through the night now. Like for seven straight days, so I'm counting it as his new deal. 6:30/7-6/7. It's amazing.

Bryan did our taxes thus marking another year where I have not done them. Not one year have I had to do them thanks to a CPA mom and an economist husband.

I had a student tell me that all his classes are good except one. She has a rule about no exceptions, everyone takes the test on the same day in the same amount of time. He's requesting extra time or am a different day for more study time. She says no. Of course his conclusion was that women professors are the worst. Women are difficult by nature. I told him to study hard and get out of the office.

I want to go to the farmers market. If it were any other city, I would shower but it's not, so I won't. And I'll fit right in.

And we are starting our video blog again. Booyah.

Bizarre things that are working for us

I often think we're normal. Until at 6:45am, I have a moment of clarity. We are bizarre.

Bryan and I are sharing one pillow.
We hate all other pillows and spent the last Monty secretly stealing this pillow from the other. Finally we admitted it and share it. Makes for good cuddling, but man, we need to buy new pillows!

We feed Bradley his dinner in the tub.
While I so badly want my baby to eat food and less milk, I hate the mess of feeding him! He gets it on his hands, face, hair, clothes, legs, everywhere. So I thought why not strip him down and feed him in the tub and then just give him a bath?

We have an animal living in our garage.
We don't know what it is. It finds its way in through a loose board that connects to under the house. I didn't believe Bryan until he showed me the (white) couch we keep in the garage. It's used by Bryan when he's playing one player games. The couch was covered in dirt! Since nothing was destroyed or eaten and there's just dirt on the couch, we are guessing cat. Still, not cool, so while I put the baby to bed, Bryan ran around the garage yelling and stomping to scare the cat out if he was in there. He wasn't. So bryan boarded up and nailed shut the loose boards. And...(this is why I love Bryan) set up seven mousetraps from an improv game around the garage.

We take our baby to comedy shows.
More of this later, but this Saturday we hosted and performed in two shows. Normally we just do a show or two. Hosting requires being onstage a lot more (intro first team, intro second, intro intermission, intro third team, ending). Bradley loves to watch warmups, mostly because they are loud and improvisers make weird dance moves. But we try to put him down before our set...but which one? We left him buckled in his carseat with a toy and a pacifier to open the show. When we come backstage, we find the baby surrounded by guys. They turn to say, "Who leaves a baby backstage?" I say, we do! He's a tough crowd. He was great. We put him to sleep at intermission and hid him in a corner. He slept through our performance and the whole next show! Despite bunny bunny and other ridiculous loud warmups happening nearby.

We are what we are.