Baby Manipulation

I will never forget the night Bryan and I realized our baby was manipulating us.

Last night, we put the little guy to bed with a fresh outfit, fresh diaper and swaddled him up. He was asleep and thirty minutes later, we hear fussing.

Bryan and I read the controversial book Bringing Up Bebe during pregnancy, and we agreed with most of what the book promoted: parents keeping their sexy relationship, babies/children eating what parents eat, and teaching patience at a young age. One important parenting move is "the pause" which is a time when you observe what your child is doing prior to reacting.

We hear the fussing and Bryan says to me, "Do you want to try the pause?"

I'm torn. While philosophically I believe in the pause, it's hard to let my baby cry. But he's not crying; he's fussing, so I agree. We wait about five minutes and the cries escalate.

"I gotta get him!"
"Are you sure?" Bryan asks. "It will probably take more than five minutes to teach him."
"I don't know. Do you think we should?"

"I don't care either way, babe. Whatever you think is best."

"I think it's best, but I don't feel it's best."
"Then go get him, babe."

So we go get him. As soon as I turn on the lamp, his fusses stop and he looks at me.

"He had real tears, Bryan!"
"That doesn't mean anything."
"Real tears!"
"But he's not wet, he's not hurt, he's not anything. He just wants to be held."

I pick him up. With eyes closed, Bradley smiles.

"He's manipulating you, Alyssa."

He stops smiling and opens one eye.

"Oh my gosh, he is!"

He smiles with eyes closed.

"He's fake sleeping, Alyssa. He's faking it. He just wants you to hold him."

And we stood there staring at our manipulative baby who was fake sleeping and totally pleased with himself in getting us to come pick him up.

I put him down and he started fussing again.

"He's manipulating you."
"I know, but he's crying!"

"It's manipulation!"

"Real tears, Bryan!"

And I picked him up again. Smiles.

"He is totally manipulating me!"

"I told you, babe."

So I finally rocked him to a deep sleep, laid him down and told him that was it, no more. And he didn't wake up again until the middle of the night.

But now I'm stuck. My baby is manipulating me. While I think it's the right thing to teach him NOT to manipulate me, I have a hard time just letting him cry (real tears). Here we face our first crossroads. And we better choose quickly.