Parenting: Do What You Gotta Do

Bryan and I have always agreed that what we do just needs to fit with what we need and what we want. We began our relationship is a flurry of rumors and cold shoulders. From then, we realized it didn't matter what people thought of what we did: if we did right by ourselves, we were doing it right.

We're pretty different from our families. We moved away. We do performance comedy. We travel often. We drink in excess. We play weird games. We don't do chores. We rarely diet. We just don't care.

When we announced my pregnancy, I was pretty worried. I didn't want to be one of those people who become obsessed with their baby, their family, their boring domestic life.

When we had Bradley, I was still worried. I had become a mother. I had lost my cool card.

Or so I thought.

But I still have all my friends. I still travel. I still have my job. I still have a silly marriage. I still perform comedy. I still drink in excess. I still hate chores. I'm still me. I just have a little dude.

It was extremely important to me that I didn't lose myself in motherhood. But, what I've found is that motherhood is different things to different ladies. I had it in my lady brain that my way was the best way. And it was/is FOR ME. Some ladies want to become mothers and be first a mother. That's awesome. If that's what you want.

This has become my mantra: do what you gotta do.

Bryan loves it - especially with his anarchist, freedom-loving, relaxed life perspective. I love it because it really frees me from feeling like I have to do things a certain way and when I don't, I have failed.

Cloth diapering? Go for it. I tried it. It worked. Until it didn't. Then I switched to disposables. Now that works. Do what you gotta do.

BLW? Tried it. It's fun. I'll keep trying it. Bradley started vomitting when he got a chunk of food in his mouth. Then I switched to purees. He loved the smooth, watery way. Made my own and also bought Gerber. Do what you gotta do.

I'm nursing Bradley, but when I don't want to, I'll use formula. I don't judge, and I think it's stupid when people care about this. Are you feeding your kid? Great. Do what you gotta do.

Swaddling? Did it. Then when he started flipping, it wasn't ok to do anymore. So I stopped. But you can bet you ass I swaddled him up until the very last possible night (right before 6 months). Do what you gotta do.

Rock him to sleep? I don't do it, but I do hold him and nurse him to sleep. Am I babying him? Yep. But HE'S A BABY!!! Then he started crying as soon as I put him down, so we cried it out because I couldn't handle holding him every night for 1.5 hours. Do what you gotta do.

Parenting is hard enough. You're just guessing and checking, seeing what works, a constant experiment with ever changing variables and often wrong hypotheses. I've found that you have to trust yourself, do right by yourself, by your partner and by your kid.

I can't think about what our parents will think if we....
I can't think about what our friends will think if we....
I can't think about what our nanny will think if we....
I can't think abotu what strangers will think if we....

I need to only think about what we think is right. What's going to work best for our little family, for our little fat baby. Do what you gotta do.

That being said, the most helpful advice we've gotten in the past six months:
1) Do what you gotta do.
2) When you can't handle the crying, do the Ferber method. After three nights, he started sleeping from 7-6.
3) Be present with your kid - put the phone away and turn off the tv.
4) Go outside, go places, travel. Teach your baby to adapt to the craziness of life.
5) Take pictures. You really don't remember as well as you think you will. The pictures help!