When it rains, it pours

Things have been unbelievably stressful at the moment.

I am now 12 weeks pregnant with our first child. Some friends are excited, others disappointed. I don't care.

Bryan's waiting for the call for campus interviews. The next seven days are the days. I know Bryan's stressed, but I firmly believe that no call can change how great a teacher his students think he is or how talented his wife knows he is.

Our improv team is learning how to move forward without four members. I think that's great.

And we called Bryan's mom last night. I wish I could say everything was fine, but it's not. It's not, and it's fucking not fair. This sweet woman, this strong matriarch of the family, this supporter of her kids, this second mother of mine, this incredible woman is still battling stage IV breast cancer. It's spread to her stomach, liver and bones. Her hip that's been hurting her has been taken over by a tumor. Cancer is hurting her. She's been taking drugs, a whole cocktail costing thousands of dollars for months now, and while it was working in the beginning, taking the tumors down 15%, it doesn't seem to be working any more.

The fear and the sadness that she expressed in the call last night scared me. She's afraid. We're afraid. We're all sad. We all know the inevitable will happen. And it is so sad. Here I am, pregnant with her first and only grandchild, and she may not live to see the baby. FUCK.

I don't want to say that the whole reason we are having our baby is for Mom because it's not. But, we were not planning to start having kids yet. We heard Mom's news in September and after a month of talking, we decided it was important for our child to meet his grandmother, to have memories, for her to meet her grandchild, for her to see the next generation.

I was unbelievably shocked when we were pregnant in our second month, and I thought, this is a sign from the universe. This baby is going to make it, this baby is going to give her reason to hang on, this baby will meet his grandmother. I truly hope for this to still happen. I need this to happen. My baby needs to know his grandmother.

Currently, she's deciding if she wants to go through stronger therapy or not. It's a really tough decision, and I can't imagine what she's wrestling with. I wish we were there to hug her. All we can do from facetime is tell her we love her, that she's doing great and that the baby can't wait to meet her.

If you pray, pray for Mom. If you still have your mom, call her, tell her you love her. Love's all we got, guys.